Relationships are tough. Once the romance and newness wear off, you’re going to fight. We’re not against couples fighting; we worry about couples who never fight. And let’s be clear, there’s a lot to fight about: financial stress, flirty coworkers, children, stepchildren, stressful jobs, in-laws… But how do you know if your relationship is simply going through a rough patch OR if you are in a bad relationship that needs to end?
There are some obvious signs that you need to get out of a relationship. Physical and emotional abuse are deal breakers. Sure, ugly words can feel abusive and need to be addressed, but we’re not suggesting you should end a relationship because you haven’t learned to fight fairly yet. We’re far more concerned by demeaning and damaging words which are repeated whenever fights arise.
We’re not against couples fighting; we worry about couples who never fight.
Relationships, especially long-term relationships, have bad periods. You’re likely in a bad period rather than a bad relationship when affection is still given and received, when your partner shows up for you even after a fight, when the good outweighs the bad and the bad is never cruel.Tweet This!
The following is a list of concerning relationship problems. If they sound familiar, you need to examine your relationship and ask yourself if you and your partner are in a bad place or if you are in a bad relationship. The following signs cannot be ignored and cannot become a relationship pattern. If these signs are present in your relationship, you will need thoughtful communication with your partner and possibly a good therapist to determine which path to take.
You know you’re in a bad relationship when:
• Your partner has you under surveillance and you are in trouble if you don’t answer a text message immediately or if you get home 20 minutes late from the grocery store.
• You consistently feel worse rather than better after spending time with your partner.
• Your partner calls you 40 times in 30 minutes.
• Your partner shares personal details with an ex but not with you.
• Your partner mistreats or insults your parents without justification.
• You’ve been together more than a year and your partner has never said “I’m sorry”.
• Your partner pokes you in the chest with a finger during an argument.
• Your partner thinks having sex with somebody else is acceptable if you are not providing adequate amounts of it.
• Your partner forbids you from spending time alone with friends or family.
• Your partner sabotages your success.
• You’ve never met anyone in your partner’s family.
• Your partner is a serial cheater, duh.