“From her for him“ is a picture book that a woman can personally relate to and would want to give to a man to “clue him in.” Things she knows and a man should know, and maybe some he should not, about how Liz and most women today see being a woman, single life, men, love and sex, and becoming a couple.
This is an excerpt by Liz Toby
From Chapter 1 – This is me
COW AND MILK LECTURE
Once again, my grandmother gave me her famous “cow and milk” lecture (why own the cow when you can get the milk for free). Well, I don’t live in my grandmother’s world or my mother’s, and I am not a cow to be bought.
If I choose to give away the milk, that is my choice. To be honest, I have given away a lot of free milk, and I don’t regret it. I take full responsibility for the decisions I make and how I choose to live my life. I am my own woman.
KIDS, YES OR NO?
The “big 40” is often on my mind, but I will seldom discuss it with a new man because they get way too nervous. The “big 40” is that point in my life when I will probably have to make a decision about having kids. I know that after age 40, having a child is a little dicey for many reasons.
Right now, I think I don’t want to have kids, and I have a way to go before I hit 40. But, I am very aware that time passes quickly. Kids, yes or no? Easy for me to say no right now, but will I feel the same way later?
My plans to meet Mr. Right or just have a good time with a sexy new man have been thrown off track. CO-VID 19 has changed everything and nothing; the need is still there, but the dance has become very complicated. We are asked to distance ourselves from people socially, but how can you get familiar with someone new without getting close to them?
A friend told me about this great guy; she gave him my phone number. He called me. There was a little magic between us. We decided to meet in person…outdoors. But what do we do then? Bump elbows and go our separate ways?
DON’T THINK I DON’T LOOK
Don’t think I don’t look at other men. Women do look, but we are just more subtle about it than men are. We look, we compare, and we talk. Most men have no idea how graphic women can get when talking about men and think no man is listening. We can get very down and dirty about sex.
From Chapter 2 – How I see men
WHAT YOU FIND
What you find in a man’s bathroom can tell you a lot about him. His medicine cabinet is almost as good as his medical record and those hairs in the corners of the bathroom and the shower — are they yours or his?
If he passes these tests and a few others and I start spending a lot of time in his apartment, a man should realize that toilet paper consumption is going to more than double. Have it on hand; don’t make me look for it.
MAKE ME LAUGH
What I want is a man who is not too forward or too passive, who can make me feel comfortable, as if we’ve known each other for a long time. A man who can make me laugh and make time not matter. And I like a playful man; to be playful is to be free and open.
Hungry, desperate guys are a turn-off for me. If a man is easily had, he cannot be worth much.
FOR HER TO FIND
Men do not move furniture around. Women do. If that little table in his apartment has moved to another corner, it means there is probably another woman in his life. If I think that there is another woman, and I am beginning to look at him as more than just an occasional hookup, I will leave something for her to find.
I might leave something subtle like an earring where I know she will see it (I don’t take my earrings off unless I am serious). Maybe something more obvious, like a pair of my panties stuffed under the sheets at the bottom of the bed. Fingernail scratches on his back would definitely work; he might not even notice them, but she will.
From Chapter 3 – Singles scene
GETTING HIS ATTENTION
Getting a man to think he has made the first move is not easy, but it is doable. If I am really interested in a guy and he doesn’t make the first move, I will.
With one man, I did everything but rip my blouse open to get his attention. However, most of the time, when I make the first move, he will never be aware of it and think he made the first move.
Many women have tried online dating, myself included, and most have told me it is not their preferred way of meeting a man. It’s fun and easy, but maybe too easy; you just look and swipe right/left. The problem with online dating is that what you see and what you get can be two very different things.
I remember one man I met online. We decided to meet in a restaurant. He was shorter than his profile said he was, and his profile photo had to date back at least ten years. He was on his iPhone looking for other women when I returned to the table after a trip to the ladies’ room. Apparently, he was more interested in quantity than quality. Some of my girlfriends have done better. I will try it again.
From Chapter 4 – Sex
I WANT A COWBOY
We live in the #MeToo era, and polite and politically correct behavior is what I want at work or in public. But this is not always what I want in the bedroom.
What I want is a cowboy. Cowboys aren’t selfish. Cowboys pay attention to my needs, are polite and considerate, and will hold the door open for me until I’m all the way through.
Just because I like a guy and have good sex with him does not mean I want to marry him. I have had casual hookups; I don’t know many women who haven’t. I mean, sex with a complete stranger – someone I knew I would probably never see again but who had something special about him at that moment.
Sex is important to me. I have strong sexual desires, but I usually keep them more hidden than a man does. Casual sex is not lovemaking; it is just sex, and there is often no emotional investment in it for me. This is not to say that’s bad; it can be pretty good and is often all I want.
IF WE BOTH WANT TO DO IT
It’s exciting when a man’s mind is open enough, and I trust him enough to act out my fantasies. I don’t think anything is too kinky if we both want to do it. My mother might disagree.
Once my mother and I were out shopping together, and I lingered a little too long near a display of lace and mesh Merry Widows. “You don’t need one of those to cinch yourself in,” my mother told me with a disapproving look. “Mom,” I replied, “It’s not for getting dressed up and going out. It’s for slowly undressing for a man.”
From Chapter 5 – Becoming a couple
Let’s face it; living together is marriage lite. It tastes similar but is not the real thing, and it poses some big privacy and intimacy issues for me.
I am exposing everything. How I look without makeup, and how impossibly small an apartment can seem when I have to go number two. If someone from my past rings me at 3 a.m., I will probably have to explain it. And then there’s dieting. My girlfriends tell me dieting is almost impossible when you live with a man because eating together is typically a full meal deal. Men always want to eat, and my girlfriends say they usually join him.
THE WAY LOVE IS
Love is at the very top of my want list. Love is rewarding, confusing, and the most emotional experience that we can share. With all of its complications, its ups and downs, love is the essence of the relationship between a man and a woman. Love is what makes the two of us complete. It casts a different light over all else, is patient, takes time, is kind, and grows.
We are meant to be paired, to love and care for each other. That’s just the way it is; it is the way nature made us.