By Lisa Hein, Speaker & Parenting Author
When we have a family, we are so grateful. In the beginning it’s amazing. You now know why you’re alive, you feel content, things just seem to be….blissful. You know that you made the right decision, life is good!
Speed up life about 13 years. Wow! Did I enter a new planet or what? How could things be so full of unexpected attitude, outrageous expectations, and the loss of self? Where did time go? When did things start moving so fast? When did I become a chauffeur, the heck with that, when did I become a walking ATM?
Life changes, and it changes quickly. How many times have you heard, “Don’t blink to long, because before you know it that baby is going to be in college!” And how true that statement was.
When you think back, it seemed like yesterday when you laid that baby on your lap and he or she would just stare into your eyes and give you that half of a smile and coo….today you are lucky if you even remember what color eyes your child has because they move around so fast and keep you jumping.
Some of us don’t really mind the fast-pace, but what we might mind is the changes that begin to occur with that amazing relationship you once had with your son or daughter. At times, you may feel like total strangers. I remember asking my son, “Who are you and where did you come from?” And, I meant it!
When changes begin to occur, we must be prepared. Yes, we must face the fact that there is a good possibility that our child may become ‘THAT CHILD’ that nobody ever thinks their child will ever turn out to be….
What happens if they do? Are we educated? Do we know the signs that something is troubling them deeply? Are they having issues at school? Are they experimenting with sex, drugs, or alcohol? Are they exposing themselves sexually over the internet or texting nasty messages over the cell phone – you are paying for? Are we ready?
Many years ago, things took a change in direction and none of us were prepared. I definitely was not. I struggled with accepting the fact that this was happening in ‘my’ family. I really wanted to believe that everything was okay. This wasn’t going to happen and I knew that if I could stay in control it would all be alright.
If something was not right and I found out about it, he was grounded, and it took affect immediately. Of course there was no more use of the cell phone, house phone, or computer, and of course, no visitors! Yes, the checklist was complete and I took care of it all…so I thought.
The only thing I forgot, is that these children today are so much more on top of their game than we could ever be. How hard can this be? Extremely!
Because we take things from them doesn’t mean they won’t find another source. It’s their lifeline and they will get whatever they need to stay in the world of connection. They will continue on their path as if any of your rules were meant to be taken seriously!
You told them no one in the house….so they bring their friends over and sit outside! You took their phone away, so they’re on their friends. You said no more use of the computer…no problem, I’ll just use my friend’s laptop. WOW!
Do you get the message? It’s not a power plan, it’s a prayer plan. When we don’t find time to spend with our Higher Power – God, in my case, we can get so caught up in this chaos that can and will be brought into your home. When we ask for guidance and wisdom to be healthy, loving parents, don’t forget to ask for wisdom and clarity.
It’s a good time, no matter the age of your children to seek and find a place of worship. Prayers are being answered, and maybe, just maybe yours will be in the knick of time. We shouldn’t want to wait until we find out our 14 year old daughter is pregnant or our 16 year old son is addicted to prescription drugs. Maybe it’s time to fight off all this darkness and bring some light into your world.
We don’t want to lose the relationship we have with our children…it’s the worst feeling ever. When they begin to find their place in the world, they will no longer have a place for you. One day this beautiful young baby may decide they don’t like the way things are going in their life and possibly choose suicide. It’s time to be pro-active. It’s time to find your spirituality and educate yourself. The world is not a happy place like the good ole days. We cannot look backwards anymore and wish it could be like ‘Happy Days!’ Fonzie doesn’t live there anymore.
There is nothing worst to not be able to talk with your child. When they shut you out, it is the most painful place you will ever find yourself. It has taken years for my relationship with my child to come full circle and had it not been for the hours and hours of prayer, it may have never happened.
Many of my friends would tell me “Let go and let God.” I would hear it, but the thought of letting go scared the heck out me. How could I let go? What kind of a mother would I be if I did? All this craziness went on inside my head until one day, and I will never forget this, I was reading an amazing self-help book that said, “If you’ve had enough, let go and let God.” Then she said sit quietly and gather up all the things that burden you and lift them up. Once you lift them up….let go.
It was 4:22 a.m. and I remember that occasion like it happened yesterday. With tears rolling down my face, I lifted it ALL up and I asked God to never let me take them back. I told Him how much I loved Him and that I knew all those years He had kept my son safe and that He loved him as much as I did. That was September…..in January, four months later, the phone rang and on the other end was this broken child who said, “Mom, I just called to tell you I love you and that it wasn’t all your fault, I’m sorry.”
So yes, when I said the prayer of seven years was answered, I really meant it. There is hope for the hopeless and there is healing for the broken. I am no one really special, I am a mother who had tried and tried to make it right, but to no avail. I wore myself out thinking that the next great idea I had would make it be ok. I manipulated him. I did whatever I could to win him back, but, it wasn’t until I relinquished that stronghold, that I saw the end result I had been longing for so many years. The prayer was answered!
Lisa Hein is a radio talk show host of Everyday Parenting that can be heard on www.RadioEarNetwork.com , Tuesdays at 10:00 a.m. EST. She is a speaker and parenting author of THE BOOK “I’m Doing The Best I Can!” (They won’t always be cute and adorable). Lisa is presently working on her second book and has been interviewed on national and local television and radio. For further information or to book her for your next event, visit her website at www.LisaRHein.com .