By Misa Hopkins
I was once a proud workaholic and overachiever. For most of my life, I was committed to doing whatever it took to fulfill my dreams—even if it killed me.
I almost didn’t make it to my own wedding because I was so burned out from a schedule filled with college courses, acting, a part-time job, moving—and planning the wedding. I hadn’t realized then that I was already on a crash course for an early death.
Looking back I realize I medicated my emotional pain by doing more in the hope of feeling fulfilled, but all the while I was avoiding the emptiness I felt. Over-achievement was draining my body of its life force and keeping me in a state of constant depression.
The Question That Changed My Life
At that time my hormones were having a field day with my body and I couldn’t find a gynecologist that knew how to get my hormones into balance. So I continued to live with moodiness, acne, and undiagnosed pains, until eventually my female organs began to atrophy.
Finally, an endocrinologist diagnosed me properly. I was producing as much testosterone as a male in puberty. While that was shocking to hear, it was also a relief. For the first time, a doctor had really listened to me and was able to provide a hormone treatment that cured my physical illness.
However, once I understood what my physical body was actually doing, I felt compelled to ask myself this question: Why was my body breaking faith with my female nature? I wondered what could have caused me, psychologically and physically, to abandon my femininity in favor of becoming masculine.
That question stayed with me for many years until I finally stopped all activities except my job, and pursued a course of personal inquiry into the psychology behind the physiology. That exploration led me to a memory of sexual abuse as a child, and the healing of my tender, emotional spirit that broke faith with my own femininity.
As the energetic tear between my own masculine and feminine natures healed, I was spontaneously initiated into the mysteries of the Sacred Feminine and Sacred Masculine through spiritual epiphanies that continue to guide my life today.
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