Remember when you were a small girl and the doctor gave you a shot…and you screamed your head off?! Now seriously…did it really hurt that much? Of course not.

Fast forward these many years later and think about how you feel when a man doesn’t show interest or drops you like a hot potato. Again, does it really hurt that much? Probably not.

Because here’s the thing girlfriend: you’ve slain way worse dragons in your life than that.

I sometimes think we like the drama. Or maybe we’re just conditioned to it. But it seems to be more about the expectation of pain, rather than the true experience. It starts with the over-the-top anguish as a child, continues relentlessly and achingly through our teenage years, and just seems to stick with us at some level throughout much of our lives. That feeling of fear and pain seems to be part of our lives. But we survive it all, don’t we?

So next time you find yourself moving into that pain – the “I’ll never find my special man” or “I thought he might be the one” feelings….stop! Switch from your child of the past to your intelligent, experienced woman of the present. Ask yourself: Is this really that big of a deal in relation to my otherwise fabulous life? Does it really hurt that much? Then, give your pain the brief audience it deserves, and move the heck on.

Oh, and that scary shot you got as a little girl was good for you, right? I can make the same case for that relationship gone bad, or the one that never got off the ground. Every one of these experiences gives you more information about yourself, and what you want and don’t want in a relationship with a man. Like that shot, it only hurts for a split second. And when the real pain goes away (not the imagined one our 14 year old is feeling) you are better for the experience.

Gotta go. Be good to yourself.

Bobbi Palmer is a Dating and Relationship Coach for Grown-up Women. She helps smart women date like a grown-up so they can enjoy – not just endure – the journey along the way to lasting and meaningful love. Take Bobbi’s free Man-O-Meter test at to get expert advice and find out how ready you are to date like a grown-up. Bobbi offers individual and group coaching. Contact her at to schedule your complimentary 30 minute coaching session.