In Part 2, Lisa explained how our children may be living a dual life of deceit because they fear the reaction they may get from their parents if they were to answer this question honestly. How do we respond when our children when they tell us things that are scarey or uncomfortable? Lisa adds, “It’s crucial to keep your expressions to yourself and allow your child to feel that your love for them is so unconditional that they know you’ve got their back.” When we judge them, we push them away. If there is something going on that may be a liability to your child’s health and well-being, then respond with relatable suggestions and let them know you are available to them through thick and thin.
As this article is being written, I can’t help to think that there may be parents reading this with young children and may feel that this doesn’t apply to you. Please think again because I’m not just talking to parents with teenagers, I’m sharing this information with parents who may have a 1 year old as well. Our behavior from the beginning of this parenting journey will determine where life will take all of us. We must be aware that if a child feels ‘in control’ when they are 2, you will be facing some pretty emotionally unbalanced behavior in the future years.
Children need boundaries and so do we. This word has been used over and over and at times, really makes people mad. Not sure why, but in many researches that have been completed with family therapists, it’s been shown to work! If we don’t keep healthy boundaries in everything we do, we end up getting out of control. If you work to many hours a day, you lose control in your family and you become tired and irritable. If you eat to much, you put on extra weight which will eventually make you sick. If you drink to much, you will become an alcoholic….. It’s that simple.
These few tips, if simply used may bring some healing to your family: Be honest. Learn to listen without feeling you have to give advice or fix the problem. Give lots of hugs and kisses. Understand without trying to get your two sense in. Tell each other you love them all day long. Pray every morning and evening. Build a strong foundation filled with morals and ethics. Spend quiet time meditating, breathing and relaxing. Teaching each other to feel peaceful in a chaotic world should be each of our goals.
So, back to the question, If any person in your family sat before you and asked ‘If you really knew me, you would know that….. What would they say? How would you feel knowing? How would you react?
The time is now and now is the time. Our children need healthy parents who will be there for them ‘no matter what.’ We must be the backbone in the family. It was our choice to become parents, not theirs to become our children. You chose to bring another human being into this world, so please handle it with care.
Keep all the negativity out of your mind, body and spirit. Watch the way you speak. The attitude determines the altitude. Create a new way of thinking, speaking, or looking at things. Keep peace within yourselves and when that front door is shut, know that you have created a safe haven for your family. A peaceful environment. Calm Down!
If we know our children are taking drugs, partying to hard, angry at the world, feeling insecure, or even suicidal, let them know that whatever they need or however you can help, that you are only a touch a way. Go through it with them. Feel the anguish. Don’t judge, just feel. Cry, scream, laugh, embrace, or whatever it is that your child needs, just make yourself available. Remember you created them, but you are not them.
When we learn to become proactive rather than reactive, there is constructive communication going on, and everyone feels the good, loving, positive energy flowing constantly, then maybe, just maybe, all the negativity from the outside will not attach itself to our precious lives.
Show your love, be amazing in everything you do, and most of all be an inspiring and healthy mentor to everyone you come in contact with.
Find the peace…
Lisa Hein is the author of THE BOOK “I’m Doing The Best I Can!” (They won’t always be cute an adorable), which describes her journey through ‘parentdom’ and shares great advice along the way. She is a motivational speaker and an internationally acclaimed radio talk show host of ‘Everyday Parenting,’ which can be heard on RadioEarNetwork.com. To order a copy of THE BOOK or to contact Lisa for your next event, visit her website at LisaRHein.com or email her directly at email@example.com.