I asked, “What are the tears about?”
Eyes looked down as Emma whimpered, “It’s about New Years Eve; I hate the thought that I’ll be alone again.”
“What comes to mind?”
“I think of lovers clinking champagne glasses followed by a passionate kiss to welcome in the New Year. And I’m not part of the scene.” Emma said sadly.
I inquired “Do you want to be part of the scene?”
Emma responded, “I do, but I haven’t met that special man.”
If like Emma, you have not met that special man yet, you may feel that New Years Eve can be the loneliest night of the year. The good news is that you can change all of that.
Before I talk about how you can feel more hopeful, here is a brief overview of the newest, most exciting scientific findings that underlie my thinking. In my new book, The New Science of Love: How Understanding Your Brain’s Wiring Can Help Rekindle Your Relationship (Sourcebooks, Casablanca, 2011) you will learn how to empower yourself and attract that special man.
The first thing I want to describe is the power that mirror neurons have on our love lives. Mirror neurons are miniscule brain cells located behind the eye sockets that connect intimate partners at an internal level. Each partner mirrors the other partner’s actions and feelings of attraction, romance, love, lust, moods, self esteem, and self respect. To ensure that these heady experiences occur, the brain triggers the release of love-inducing chemicals such as oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine, testosterone, natural opioids along with mood enhancing neurotransmitters, serotonin, and GABA. You too can have those wonderful feelings with a special man.
The first step is to embark on a journey to enhance your self esteem, so that you will feel fulfilled within yourself. With the help of mirror neurons, not only will you feel empowered and less lonely, but you are more apt to attract a terrific man.
Sure enough, strong women make better lovers and connect to stronger men. That means the more you respect yourself, the more you value yourself, the better your self esteem, the greater likelihood that you will make a deep meaningful connection to a special person. Here’s where mirror neurons enter the picture. Because of the linking of intimate partners by mirror neurons, the more appealing you are to yourself, the more appealing you will be to him.
Science tell us that the brain is plastic, which means that if you don’t really value yourself right now, you can change how you view yourself. In my book, The New Science of Love I show you exactly how to empower yourself, enhance your self esteem, savor your strengths and face your frailties. You will learn how to delete pernicious societal or childhood messages that diminish you and replace them with self- loving ones.
As you change your self-perception, you will gain confidence to reach out to others, and enlarge your circle of supportive friends. From this base you will feel ready to seek out a new partner. With good self-confidence you can check out the online dating sites or local singles events. The New York Times on November 13,2011 in the Styles and Fashion section the story Love, Lies, and What They Told, by Stepanie Rosen writes that three million Americans online are looking for love and that 20% of them find it with lasting partnerships. At this time of year, many more lonely people are looking for love. That means that you too can search for and finds a loving partnership.
And so, with a little love, courage, and hope, New Year’s Eve will be anything but the loneliest night e year. Actually it can be the best one yet.
Fran Cohen Praver, Ph.D. is the author of The New Science of Love: How Understanding Your Brain’s Wiring Can Help Rekindle Your Relationship”
This article is excerpted from the Holiday Gift Guide for 2011 . Be sure and check it out and read other articles about the holidays. It’s also great to add to your online shopping experience!