"women and sex"Every one has a fetish … something that turns them on when it comes to being with their intimate partner.  If you say you don’t, then you’re not being openly honest with yourself or them.  It doesn’t have to be anything as kinky as using whips and handcuffs or as erotic as watching porn to create a little thrill and excitement.  It could be something as simple as soft music and flickering candlelight setting the stage.  Maybe other questions might be, how do you make love or what am I doing wrong in the bedroom?

Does the idea of sex dwindle over time?  Anything of interest will die over time when ignored and quite frankly it’s the responsibility of both parties to keep the spark alive.  There are, however, some unusually common mistakes we tend to make as women that can kind of throw a wrench into the mix.

~ Going To The Bathroom (1 or 2) In Front of Him

Really?? Um … yah ! Some men really find it kind of thoughtless and crass.  Even if you feel really comfortable doing it in front of him, you still have to take his comfort level into consideration.  For some men it’s a complete turn off even if he doesn’t mind you farting in front of him.  Every one has their little pet peeves so, ask him where he draws the line or just say, “Does this bother you?”  Don’t simply assume it’s just okay.

~ Your Bed Looks Like A Zoo

If you want passion in the boudoir, then booboo and lammie pie and all those other stuffed animals have to go bye bye.  It kind of is giving off a message that you’re still a little girl, maybe a bit immature and not quite the sex kitten he’s looking to toss around with.  I’m not saying you need to go out and buy a leopard bedspread to prove you are a sex kitten.  And you certainly don’t have to sacrifice your femininity either because it is your refuge too.  Something that exemplifies sensuality to you both is all you need.

~ The T.V. Is On

Laying side-by-side watching his favorite team land a home run or The Bachelor handing out a rose is not conducive to intimacy. Our lives are controlled by so many outside forces and bringing them into the bedroom diverts you from giving attention and being intimate.

~ Using Sex To Get What You Want

Okay.  Stop snickering.  It really is a bad ploy to control your partner in order to get something you want from him, something you want him to do or an incident you need his forgiveness for like cracking up the car or overcharging on the credit card.  Yes we know sex drives men but using it in such a way will surely cause resentment in the long run.  The sex should be about you both receiving pleasure, not just you servicing him for a positive end result.  Connecting in a loving way for all the right reasons will only make your relationship stronger.

~ Are You A Faker

Faking climaxes will only create distance between you and your partner.  If you do it so as not to deflate his ego, you’re not only doing an injustice to him but also being dishonest with yourself.  There is nothing a man wants to do more than please his partner and if the lines of communication aren’t kept open, he’ll be exhausted trying too hard and you’ll be forever disgusted and disappointed from lack of enjoyment.  We all get tired, stressed and overwhelmed with work and obligations … all valid reasons for not being in the mood.  But, take the “f” out of FAKE and make him a roguish RAKE by letting him know what you truly need and desire.

~ Old Lovers

Full disclosure in the bedroom is not a good idea.  Guys naturally get insecure and silently wonder if they’ll ever measure up even if you tell him he’s the best you ever had.  Keep old boyfriends out of conversations in and out of the bedroom.  The only place they belong is in the past. Sex with a confident man will be a lot more fun than with one obsessing about how he stacks up against your “x”.

~ Great Mom O.K. Wife

You don’t love him any less now that your a mom, but you have no energy left for him.  We are nurturers and with that comes an underlying guilt to be the “do all give all” mom.  Well guess what?  That way of thinking will certainly prove your downfall.  You have to make sure there is something left over at the end of the day for both you and your partner.  If you are a stay at home mom, set aside an hour for you to take a nap, a bubble bath, have some alone time to recover.  If you work full time, learn to delegate household chores so you aren’t carrying the burden, divide and spread out tasks so you can have down time to relax and enjoy being with your mate.  Taking care of your needs will lead to a normal and healthy sex life for you both.

~ Treating Him Like A BFF

Just because he’s your best friend, doesn’t mean he wants to go shopping and carry all your bags or share a spa day together.  Most men just don’t like it and are simply wired differently.  Unless he tells you otherwise, don’t back him into a corner and make him do it.  If you’re looking for that gossipy emotional connection that we all crave with our other bff’s, don’t force him to listen through why Sally is such a skank for sleeping with someone else.  Guys don’t care.  Unless it has a dual engine, purrs like a kitten or broke the world record, he’ll be bored or tuned out.  You will appreciate him providing what only he can … his bod and it’s ability to make you weak at the knees.