By Jane Pastore the Intimacy Coach
WHY do some people seem to get everything they want in the way of romantic intimacy, while others can’t get even what they need? Being sexually successful is not a matter of how you look, how old you are or how much you earn. It’s more about your attitude, manners, and social skills.
Here are 10 tips on negotiating your way to great romantic intimacy.
1. First impressions count. Look and act your best. This isn’t the time to beat yourself up about your imperfections or to take out your frustrations with the world. this is the time to let a partner know that you are ready and able to have a fun time.
2. Pay attention. Take time to absorb information about your potential partner. Get a sense of the kind of person she or he is (ie)- shy or extroverted? Once you learn about their personality traits you will know how to approach them better for not everyone is the same.
3. Be complimentary. Look for something about that person that you like. (ie) Does he or she have beautiful hair, eyes, a great figure, are they fun to be with? The key to success in the romantic endeavors is letting your significant other know how much you appreciate them and their special qualities.
4. Flirt. Flirting is playful and puts people in a good mood and warms them up sexually. Making teasing comments, talking about fantasies or even things you would like to do together as well as paying compliments as mentioned in #3.
5. Ask for what you want. Show or tell your lover what things excite you the most. If you don’t ask you don’t always get – so improve your chances and just ask for what you need.
6. Leave the negativity at home. Romantic Intimacy is about pleasure, fun, relaxation and connecting with another human being. Focus on the good times you can have with this person, and not the bad times you’ve had with others. The kiss of death is when you bring tired old baggage into play.
7. Control Yourself. The difference between immature romantic intimacy and adult romantic intimacy is that adults learn to control their impulses. Unfortunately, too many adults keep acting sex-crazed and immature long after it is acceptable or attractive. Don’t force someone to do things that make them uncomfortable even if it is your sexual desires.
8. Don’t confuse fantasy with reality. You meet an incredibly desirable person and, in your mind, you just know you’d have mind-blowing romantic intimacy together. Don’t ruin your chances by assuming that your fantasy obligates them to fulfill it. Take your time , get to know them and find out are they giving off the same vibes?
9. Setting Boundaries. It helps to communicate clearly about what you like and dislike- what words/fantasies are exciting and which are not. Remember that what is hot to one person doesn’t always work with another. If your partner lets you know that he or she doesn’t want to act out a particular fantasy or engage in a particular act, don’t try to force them into it. You can always find someone else who is more compatible with you and will be delighted to indulge you.
10.Be Polite. Some of the sexiest words in any language are “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome”. Being polite shows that you respect your partners and value their company, and it makes you look classy. Your positive energy will make them trust you more and grow more open to trying new and exciting things with you.
Jane Pastore of Scottsdale, Az is a nationally known relationship coach and business facilitator who believes people do better in relationships be it personal or business, when they are engaged and having fun. Employing advanced coaching techniques, audience interaction and humor, her gentle, easy going style, educates, inspires and entertains.
This article first appeared in the Summer Issue of WE Magazine for Women. To read other articles from that issue grab a copy of the Summer Issue of WE Magazine for Women in PDF Download https://s3.amazonaws.com/WEMagazine/WEMagazineSpringSummer09.pdf or in turning page at http://www.rsszine.com/samples/SpringSummer2009/ (nothing to download)