It’s not hard for women in midlife to feel like they belong to the Island of Broken Toys, says Xandra “Sunny” Moon, a self-described liberated, 18-wheeler-driving, 40-plus babe.
“There are thousands of beautiful mothers, wives and ex-wives out there who feel like they’ve lost their sexuality – I know because they tell me as I travel the country and get to know them,” says Moon, author of “The Power of the Titz…a woman’s journey back to her self. “My mission is to let them know they can get it back!”
Like the many of the women she meets in her travels, Moon suffered physical and emotional abuse as a young woman. After raising four children and enduring an unhappy marriage for several years, she fell into a deep depression, she says. But several steps took her out of despair, and by the time she climbed out, she was happy, confident and back in touch with Sunny, she says.
Moon lists the ways in which women 40 and older can rediscover their “inner babe:”
• Embrace your sexuality!: It’s not just a “Mrs. Robinson” stereotype – older women do make for better, more participatory sexual partners. Older women have more self-possession; they’re not as callow and tend to have more character both in personality, intrigue and in sexual performance. Women 40 and older are also more forthright, which can be a major turn-on, especially for younger men in need of direction. Younger women are still deciding what sex means to them, whereas older women are more likely to appreciate it for its own sake.
• Education and employment: Perhaps the most important vehicle for Moon’s self-empowerment is her continuing education. Gaining her GED and furthering her education at a university allowed her to support herself with a good job. Past generations of women were overwhelmingly reliant upon their husbands for financial support. Having your own income allows women the power to choose their relationships, and not remain stuck in one.
• Remember your old social life?: A big part of relocating your inner diva is remembering the good times you had as a teen and 20-something – back when you had your first appletini, your first date at a fancy restaurant and, yes, your first day-long hangover. In many ways, these things are like new again. Under-appreciated mothers and wives tend to live primarily for others, but now it’s time to reclaim those fun nights out with the girls and catch some time for yourself.
• Cosmetic surgery: This is still a touchy subject for many ladies. Moon’s first rule is to have cosmetic surgery only for yourself – not for someone else, and to ensure you are in good enough health to withstand the rigors involved with surgery. Other important considerations include realistic expectations, potentially catty responses from girlfriends, short- and long-term consequences, such as time off work and maintenance, and whether or not you really want larger breasts or a botoxed brow.
• Dating outside your comfort zone: Maybe now is the time to consider other types of partners — perhaps those of a different ethnicity or maybe even a different gender. Now is the time to be adventurous and explore new avenues.
• Health/Diet/Exercise: Of course, feeling and looking attractive is important to you – so be healthy! Nothing is better at giving ladies that can-do attitude than a nice workout. Being selective about what you eat is as important as being selective about who you date; you want a lover and diet that will treat you right.
“We have but one life,” says Lee Abzu, Moon’s second husband, soul mate and coauthor to her books.
“If you’re single and in your 40s, 50s, 60s or older, you can either wait around for the kids or grandkids to come by and visit, or you can get out there and regain the vitality and lust for life you used to have.”
Xandra “Sunny” Moon is a survivor who came into her own after age 40. As a younger woman, she endured rape, unlawful imprisonment, mental and emotional abuse, and divorce. She has worked 14 years as a truck driver, during which she has spoken with thousands of woman near or at midlife. After raising her four children, she continued her education at Idaho State University and eventually married her second husband and soul mate, Lee Abzu. She now counsels women who are seeking rebirth.