By Michelle Moore and Michelle Frankley

msclausRight around Halloween the Christmas decorations started popping up in various stores.  I know, you were groaning to yourself “already, really?”  Well, now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, the holiday season is in full swing.  It seems like everyone around you has coupled up and is preparing for romantic holiday celebrations. Every television ad is either for a jewelry store with some incredibly happy couple getting engaged or something involving a scene of a perfect looking family having a perfect holiday meal together.  As a single girl, are you excited and looking forward to celebrating with family and friends or are you trying to figure out how to somehow sleep for the next few weeks and wake up on January 2nd and avoid the whole thing? 

Are you ready to throw a sharp object at your television in order to stop the barrage of happy holiday ads?  Your attitude about this time of year is the main ingredient to what will make it a time of celebration versus something to be “survived.”  I encourage you to put away your Sex and the City DVDs that you pulled out for a marathon and look at the holidays from a different vantage point.  I’m here to tell you that it is possible for the holiday season to be fun, exciting and relaxing versus agonizing, stressful and exhausting.  Doesn’t that sound great?!  How you ask?  Please, read on!

Consider these statements:  Every day is an adventure.  Your life is full of possibilities.  Repeat these statements to yourself daily.  Since you are single you have the option of making all of the decisions.  This is very empowering.  There is no reason for you to wait around for Mr. Right to have a great time.  You get to decide if you stay in, go out, check out the Christmas lights, bake cookies, go shopping, visit with friends or family, or perhaps book a vacation!
Why wait for an invitation?  Plan your own holiday party.  Contact your single friends and ask them all to bring a friend or two to your holiday bash.  Be sure to invite some couples too to avoid your party looking like a singles event!

Make some great food, create a signature holiday drink and keep it lively with some festive music.  Have a white elephant gift exchange to encourage laughter and conversation.  Be sure to wear a great outfit – it’s your party and your night to shine!

Accept party invitations!  Yes, there are other single people during the holidays and a party is a great place to meet them.  Treat yourself to a new outfit or a new accessory or simply wear something that you know is flattering and walk into that party with confidence.  Prior to going to the party recall movies you have seen, places you have traveled and books you have read so you will feel ready for some interesting conversation.  If the host allows and it will help you feel more confident, bring a friend.  This may help you get over the anxiety of walking in alone.  Once you are there, smile, make eye contact and work the room!

Take a trip!  If you are pretty adventurous consider a solo vacation to an exciting destination.  Or, perhaps you have a girlfriend who would enjoy a trip as well.  Another option is an organized singles’ vacation.  A spa vacation is certainly a relaxing way to go.  Based on my first tip, you have the freedom to do what you choose.  This could be a great time to recharge your batteries and relax on a sunny beach or ski the snowy slopes.  Remember, your life is full of possibilities.

Have a cookie exchange with your girlfriends.  Each girl bakes 2 dozen cookies (coordinate with them so all are different types) and then when you get together to gossip and have a spiked glass of eggnog you sample some tasty treats as well as package some up to take home.  You now have a great mix of cookies that you can take to that family gathering and impress those relatives who you only see once a year.

Go ahead and decorate your home.  Who says you have to be married or have a family to put up holiday decorations??  If holiday decorations make you happy then surround yourself with them!  Get a tree, light a menorah, hang stockings and string lights!  Remember, this is about celebrating!

singlewomandandgiftsCome up with a great come-back for the relatives or friends who insist on asking “so why don’t you have a boyfriend” or “aren’t you ever going to get married?”  Try asking back “why do you ask?”  This is sure to stump the inquisitor and leave him or her stammering.  Or perhaps smile slyly and say “oh, there are just too many adventures to be had to settle down just yet.”  Be sure to have a story ready to give as an example of something only a single girl would have the opportunity to do.

Some other ways to spend your time, especially if you have time off from work during the holidays:  read, exercise (gotta burn off those Christmas cookies!), go through your closet and donate your old clothes and shoes, see a chick flick or two, treat yourself to a spa day, catch up on rest and volunteer your time to a worthy cause – giving of yourself helps you to focus on what you have versus what you do not.
Michelle Frankley, LCSW and Michelle Moore, PhD are co-founders of  Ms. Frankley and Dr. Moore are licensed clinicians as well as relationship and dating experts.  Through Michelle Frankley, LCSW and Michelle Moore, PhD provide live and online dating and relationship coaching. combines professional relationship expertise with a network of support creating all access guidance when wading through the dating world. can lead to more fulfilling dating experiences and thriving relationships.

More great holiday gift-giving articles and ideas can be found in  our new Holiday Gift-giving Guide at