Have you heard this quote by Anthony Robbins: “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” I love this quote.
What does it have to do with dating and your search for love? It may have everything to do with it…especially if you’ve been looking for a meaningful relationship for some time.
Let me ask you: Do you want to find a good man to be your life partner? How long have you been looking or waiting for him?
Well, Mr. Robbins said it: as long as you stay the same and keep doing the same things…you will remain in the same situation. It hasn’t worked so far or you wouldn’t be reading this, right? Your Mr. I Love You has not yet appeared. And if he has, you probably didn’t even know him when he was sitting right in front of you.
I’m going to guess that you’re doing pretty darn well without him. You’re probably happy, and you’ve created a nice life for yourself. But don’t you want spectacular??That’s what can happen when you find a loving partner to share your already great life with. Expecting that special someone to show up as you repeatedly think, feel, and do the same thing over and over…is just not realistic.
Unfortunately, that’s just not the way it is. You have to make it happen; and the only way you can do that is by learning and growing so you can alter your situation.
Meeting the lovely man who is going to be your best friend and adoring partner is all about becoming the very best “you” that you can be. I spent almost 30 years as a single I’m happy-without-a-man-but-gee-I’d-like-one Bobbi. I was waiting for my Mr. I Love You to show up. I figured it was a numbers game and that I was deserving; that one day it would happen.
Here are some suggestions. Don’t pick just one. Do as many as you can, and create some of your own.
1. Wear lipstick and shave your legs. (Yes, both!)
2. Ask a man to help you do something. Reach something on a high shelf, give you directions, recommend a good wine. And when he helps you – and he will if you ask – give him a smile and a sincere “thank you.”
3. Find a singles’ event in your neighborhood or even online and sign up. (Google it: singles cooking class, hike, book club, etc.)
4. Do something nice for a man you just met. Tell him you like his shoes or that he looks like an old boyfriend that you adored. Or, simply listen to him intently or give a sincere laugh at something he says. He will show his delight and stay puffed up for a week. And you’ll feel so good.
5. Look straight into the eyes of a man you consider attractive. He may be on the street or in line at the bank. And then give a slight smile. For 3 full seconds.
6. Tell 3 people that you are looking for a fantastic man in your life and ask each to help you meet 2 new men. (Got the math? Big opportunities!)
7. Go buy a new bra that shows off your fabulous girls. While you’re at it, feel free to peruse the lingerie section and fantasize a little. Again… smile.
8. Ask the guy behind you in line any insignificant question. I don’t know what. Just think of something. Try “Do you know what time they close today?”
9. Ask another stylish woman for a referral to her salon and make an appointment for a pedicure or new hairstyle.
10. Ask two men you trust to tell you something about men they think every woman should know.
One last thing. You must do one more giant thing differently today: silence those old recordings in your head that have been guiding your response and relationship to men. You know what I’m talking about. “If a man doesn’t like me the way I look, he’s superficial and he’s not for me anyway.” “I don’t need to ask a man to help me do anything. I’ve been doing things myself for a long time, and quite well!” “I’m too shy or bloated or busy or tall or out of practice or chubby or scared or independent to talk to some strange man in the grocery store.”
Stop that! Just for one day. When I tell you that I was expert in singing those tunes that is an understatement. Back in the day, I won the prize for sabotaging self-talk. You can, and you will, stop it; with practice.
Big change starts with one small step. Do something to get you to connect, learn something, feel pretty, or feel powerful. You just might learn that it’s not so scary, alter your perception, and enjoy some new and positive experiences. And hey, you might even have some fun!