By Bobbi Palmer


This time of year is spectacular. We get to eat more, work less, shop till we drop, and frolic with friends and family. It’s a time of reflection; and as we count our blessings, we may also think about what’s missing in our otherwise fulfilled lives.

When I was single, the holidays put me in a bit of a funk. With no one to take to parties or make out with at midnight, I was reminded of what I still wanted in my life: a loving man. I’m married now, and so grateful to have a magnificent man in my life. But as I talk to my single girlfriends and coachmy clients, I feel for them; and I still feel my sadness and disappointment as if it was yesterday.

Here is some advice I wish I had gotten when I was single. Not only do I want to help you get more joy out or your holiday season, I want to help you avoid unintended drama.

1. DO Plan.
My best advice to single women any time of year is to create her best life possible. If you’re not yet doing that for yourself, start now. Don’t wait for invitations or others to entertain you. Connect with old friends, throw a dinner party, sign up to volunteer, plan a girls’ weekend, go to your local bookstore and read a great book. Don’t stay in the background; get out there! You’ll enjoy your time, and since lots of other smart singles are doing the same…you never know who you’ll meet.

2. DON’T force it.
I know you want a date for parties and events. But don’t force it by having a first date at your company holiday party or inviting a man you’ve just started dating to your family gathering.

It may ease your tension about what you want for the holiday season, but it may also ruin your chances going forward with someone you like.

You shouldn’t fabricate or rush things at other times of year, and there’s no exception here.

If you have a date, avoid misunderstandings by keeping it in perspective. When a man shares time with you during the holidays, that’s generally what he’s doing…sharing time with you. The meaning women tend to put into this is often not shared by men. If he agrees to go with you to your parties, or even takes you to his, it means he likes spending time with you. Enjoy it, and be glad he likes your company. But don’t give it more importance that it deserves.  
Happy holidays! And remember to be good to yourself.
Bobbi Palmer is a Dating and Relationship Coach for Women Who Deserve it All. She gently guides smart, independent women from dreading dating, to joyfully searching for, and finding meaningful love. Bobbi offers personalized and group coaching and has just released her new eBook: Finding Meaningful Love After 40: 7 Secrets to Help You Confidently and Happily Meet Your Mate. You can find her at where you can take her free Man-O-Meter test and get her expert advice.

Get her ebook at and enter code WOMEN to get a special WE Magazine Readers discount.

More great holiday gift-giving articles and ideas can be found in  our new Holiday Gift-giving Guide at