Ask Gretchen

#AskGretchen: Fear of Commitment, Overcoming Bad Habits, and Homework Help

"Ask Gretchen Advice Column"Dear Gretchen: I know I’ve met the right lady to get married too, but for some reason, I don’t pop the question. I’ve been divorced and have been single now for 18 years. I’ve found the right one, but I’m hesitant and not getting any younger. Can you help me with your advice? – Scared of Commitment, Lodi, CA

Dear Scared: Relationships and vulnerability are scary. Being truly known was so frightening for me that I almost got a divorce!  Seeking professional assistance to work through your conflicted feelings can help you put the past to rest, and alleviate your fears. If this is the right lady for you, then give this relationship the chance it deserves and go and see a therapist so that you can get past your blocks. A good woman is worth it. – Gretchen

Dear Gretchen: At the beginning of each year I am full. I tell myself each year that I am going to make changes and lose weight. I throw out all of the “bad” food and spend a fortune stocking up on organic fruits and vegetables. By the time they rot, I am back to eating ice cream on the couch. How do I make a real change? Overweight in Colorado

Dear Overweight: If any of us could make significant lifestyle changes on our own, we would. But, most of us can’t, and that’s why we fail. Me included. We keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Every time I have had to have a defect ripped out of me I enlisted the help of others. I could never do it on my own. It was like trying to do surgery on myself. I encourage you to find groups and professionals who can help you on your path. Organizations like Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers have plans built to help people eat differently with built in support. To address the reasons you eat, you may want to visit Over Eaters Anonymous, a 12-step program designed to help people with their relationship to food. Good luck!  – Gretchen

Dear Gretchen: My son takes forever to do his fourth-grade homework. Every day after school he sits at the table and stares at his papers and takes hours to finish the simple assignments. I ask him if he understands what he should do and he says he does. But homework has become a stressful and painful process for both of us. My husband says I need to let him figure it out. I think there may be a deeper issue going on. What should I do? Hating Homework, Atlanta, GA

Dear Hating Homework: I hate homework too. So much! It’s not only frustrating for you, but it’s frustrating for your son as well. When my family went through this, I scheduled a meeting with my son’s teacher to get her ideas. She had several that we implemented but they didn’t work. In the end, we had our son tested to see if he had a learning disability. Once we had our answers, we were able to work with the school to get him the support that he needed. It was a long process and one that I had to push to get done.  But, it has helped tremendously. – Gretchen

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