It’s no secret that men are completely different from women. Men process information differently, they relate to one another differently, they express themselves differently. However, a woman who understands these differences will become a priceless gem that men will adore. John Gray, in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus explains it wonderfully: “Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences.”
In fact, it is these exact differences between men and women that spark passion and love because otherwise men wouldn’t need women and vice versa.
Understanding Men
Yes, it is quite possible to understand men and their differences, and it is probably easier for us to understand them than the other way around. And no, you haven’t stepped into an episode of the Twilight Zone.
First of all, you need to understand that men are primarily driven by success and accomplishment. They value tangible results, efficiency and power and everything they do is geared towards proving themselves.
Men won’t sit around and talk about their feelings, instead they prefer to engage in competitive activities where they can win. It gives them the chance to show off their superiority over other males.
You won’t find a man reading the latest issue of People or Cosmo but instead he will read the sports section of the paper or the news. He cares little about romance novels because he is more interested in things rather than feelings. And he likes things that help him express power, whether a fancy sports car or the latest gadgets and gizmos.
Solutions vs Advice
Men are goal driven and they feel good about themselves when they manage to achieve their goals because they prove that they are worthy and competent. If they do so on their own then that is an even greater testament to their power and strength.
Because men are hardwired to solve their problems on their own they rarely talk about them. When they do, it means they need advice and help.
If women can understand this side of men, then they will understand why men hate being corrected or advised without asking for it. It makes them feel incompetent and they feel that you don’t trust them to solve the problem.
This is also why men tend to offer solutions when women talk to them about their problems. It is because if another man were to share his problems, it is an unspoken request for help so he feels honored to provide a solution.
When he provides a solution for the woman he loves, it is an expression of his love but when a woman gets upset because she perceives that he isn’t listening or emphasizing he has no idea what he did to upset her. The result is that he withdraws and basically blocks her out.
Dealing with Stress
Men also deal with stress differently than women do. A woman will talk about all her problems with her friends, who will instinctively know that she needs a little support and understanding so they empathize. On the other hand, men tend to withdraw and focus on a different activity so that they can tune out their problems until the following day when they have to handle them.
Unfortunately, most women think that he doesn’t care about her or is ignoring her because he isn’t talking about his problems with her when it’s simply a matter of how men deal with stress differently than women. You have to accept the fact that it is unrealistic to expect a man to open up immediately to you when he is stressed just as it is unrealistic for a man to expect you to calm down and be rational and logical all the time.
You need to understand that if he withdraws to watch football or read the newspaper, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, it simply means he is very stressed. You need to learn not to take it personally and to give him a little space. Also, if you ask for his attention in a calm and relaxed manner you will find he will be much more responsive than if you start the blame game.
Yes, men are different from women.
Would we want it any other way?
