Ask Dr. Virginia

Why does romantic love so often end in disappointment?

"How to keep love alive" This is Part Four in the series HOW TO KEEP LOVE ALIVE – AT ANY AGE! by Virginia Crist, Ph.D., LMFT

Why does romantic love so often end in disappointment? Disenchantment? Because the initial choice in partner is unsuitable. Because of doubts and insecurities. Because of unrealistic expectations.

Because of ineffective communication and lack knowledge. Or conflicts of living together

Sometimes a woman or a man “require” that the relationship fail – one or the other or both have a self-concept that contains an injunction such as “You are not to be happy. You are not to be successful at love.”

There are many reasons why relationships fail, but it is more important to discuss how to succeed at love. If all you want to do is be and remain who you are, then don’t fall in love, because love will transform every cell and fiber of your being.

I can’t promise you that you’ll be happy every moment and that everything will always go your way… (if they do, tell me your secret so I can get in on that) but I do promise you a joy and fulfillment that you do not want to miss. “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?”

IT’S VERY TRUE! Do it! Take the risk! Be vulnerable! Don’t miss out on love!

Be affectionate with one another. Oh, the sweet nurturance of trust. It’s like magic! Sidney Jourad observed touch frequencies between people in ordinary conversation in coffee shops in Paris and in the United States. In Paris, people touched each other 110 times per hour. In the United States, twice. We live in a touched starved society. I encourage you to hold hands, hug, snuggle; feel close to the one you love.

Do you affirm your partner? How do you affirm your partner? Do you compare your partner to others? Do you judge your partner or yourself? How do you feel about yourself? Do you feel attractive? Are you tired or under stress? Are you full of energy? Do you handle most situations well or do you allow them to continue to bother you? Do you feel close or withdrawn and distant from your partner? Do you have any sexy thoughts of your partner? Do you think of your partner in a loving way? If you have fallen “out of love,” make a commitment to “fall in love again” with your partner. It certainly can be done. All I need are two motivated and willing partners, and there’s nothing more exciting than being in love!

P.S. You must also make alone time for yourself. You need time to rejuvenate, so that you can come back to your partner refreshed, not depleted.

So I ask you to consider this loaded, very big self inventory question: “How would you like to be married to you?” And I close with my favorite quote: “There is only one happiness in life ~ to love and be loved.” George Sand

Dr. Virginia Crist is in Private Practice in Boca Raton and can be reached at 561-212–6855. Her website is www.AskDrV.tv.

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