Valentine’s Day-Bah Humbug!
By Sheila Appleby Williams
“So, are you looking forward to Valentine’s Day?”, the too perky, too buffed checkout guy at the local Trader Joes market asked me, while manhandling my gluten free quinoa and flaxseed bread.
“What?” I was trying to figure out how the hell did three bags of groceries (which will be gone in three days) total $125.
“Big plans for Valentines Day?” He just couldn’t let it alone. And now there was an audience of 3 women in line behind me, waiting for my answer. Why didn’t they have trashy celebrity magazines at the checkout counter like they do at regular super markets? Let the customers read about Angelina and Brad (I wonder what she’s getting for Valentines Day?) instead of listening to this guy interrogating a 50ish woman in faded, worn sweats, slightly greasy ponytail and Planet Hollywood (hey, it might be a collectors item one day) baseball cap.
Does the manager know that your asking your female customers this question? I asked in an empowered (I hoped) and not defensive tone.
“I am the manger”, he replied, jauntily tossing the cans of fat free black beans on top of the formerly unbruised organic vine ripened tomatoes.
What kind of question is that? (I couldn’t back down now that I had spectators). Are you going to also ask me my age and weight?
Now I was on a roll. ”What if I’ve just broken up with my boyfriend?” ”What if I’m planning on sitting alone and eating a quart of hagen daz and drinking?”
He was completely oblivious to my illustrating how insensitive his question was and arrogantly boasted: ”Everyday is Valentine’s Day at my house.” Now, I hated this guy. ”Well, I’ll have to call your wife to find out about that.” Snappy come back, if I do say so myself. I might be down, but just like the underdog wrestler presumed down for the count, I was getting back up. ”Oh, yeah”, he brazenly continued, I took her on a 9 mile bike ride this morning.” ”She did pretty darn good.” Now, I was getting the picture- this neanderthal guy was all pumped up on a seratonin high from his bike riding marathon. Why couldn’t he do yoga or meditate or drink kava kava and chill like civilized people in LA.
Muttering ”whatever” (hey its effective when my daughter says it), I pushed the shopping cart out to my car (no, I don’t need any help thanks), loaded up the trunk and realized that he forgot to get me the 24 sportspack bottled water (on no, I was not going back in for round 2). So now, not only would I be thinking about Valentines Day but I’d be dehydrated.
Look, I honestly don’t give a you know what about Valentines Day. Even when I was married, remarried, in ”relationships”- it was always a disappointment. The perfunctory card, box of Russell Stover chocolates (actually not that bad), waxy ”assorted” garish flower arrangements from the market, (why can’t they at least hire gay guys in the flower department?
Just to get the record straight. I am a middle aged single woman who realized a long time ago that in order to get what you want- you have to buy it yourself. I also intellectually know that its just a commercial media exploited day that pressures most men into buying predictable, obligated uninspired tokens of affection.
But there’s still that part of me, that Turner classic movie fantasy of opening the apartment door to a living room full of long stem roses, rose petals leading to a luxurious bubble bath and champagne to be sipped while (fill in the blank) music plays softly in the background. A day of unexpected romantic, inspired extravagance and indulgence, ”Look out the window honey.” ”I hope you like (name your favorite car) in red!”
Who knows, maybe next year I might have big plans for Valentines Day, but until that time- Valentines Day, bah humbug!
Sheila Appleby Williams is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles with her pug, Phoebe Rose.
Is nothing sacred anymore? As a Catholic, I’m offended by this article. The holiday is named after Saint Valentine for a reason, there is a religious significance. How would Ms. Appleby respond if I wrote an article titled “Passover–Bah Humbug”?
As for her disappointment with her men’s “canned” gifts, what is preventing HER from doing something special for them. Independent, liberated women are allowed to do that, you know. It is 2010, not 1910. I for one would have been very flattered yesterday if someone had given me a perfunctory card, a box of Russell Stover chocolates, and some waxy flowers.
The highlight of my Valentine’s Day was that a sheep at the petting zoo came over and “baahhed” at me. So, Miss Sheila, if you ever want a special, thoughtful day with me, just call. I’ll have a hot bath ready with a trail of rose petals leading to it. (PS: You’re so cute when you get mad.)
catholic-smatholic – what does religion have to do with Valentines Day other than some “saint”s name-day? And, go ahead, Mr. Offended Catholic – write your Passover Bah Humbug article, but, be mindful, noone will understand your point.
I get Ms Applebee-William’s point – its a silly, commercialized, farce of a day (What – you enjoy being crammed into a seating for two, in a 20′ square room with a 100 other couples crammed into seatings for two, for an hour and a half, for a really pricey, so-so meal?)
For me, no thank-you. I love my valentine, but I don’t love his un-inspired-have-to-get-you-something-valentine’s-gifts-cuz-today-is-the-day-to-show-your-love.
Kate,
Thank you so much for being willing to share your point of view. That is what makes these interactions so interesting is that we can disagree and agree to disagree. We can share our thoughts with one another even when they don’t mesh. Life would be so boring if we all thought the same!
Appreciate you stopping by!
Regards,
Heidi
I kind of expect that kind of question in stores – it’s usually well meaning – but that man does sound overly cocky and full of himself. He might have asked the same thing if the author was a man, but it’s hard to know for sure.
I agree that Valentine’s Day is far too commercialized, but at the same time I kind of enjoy it – the spirit of it. Hallowe’en and Valentine’s Day are two of my favorite special occasions.
.-= Lillea Woodlyns´s last blog ..Gluten Free Foods: How to Pay Less for Them – 5 Tips =-.