Relationships / Self-confidence

Why You Need to Stop Being a People-Pleaser

"Why You Need to Stop Being a People-Pleaser"Do you put everyone before yourself? Is saying yes a habit, more than a true intention? If more people helped others, the world would be a better place. However, psychologist Susan Newman says it can be dangerous to be a constant people-pleaser.

This behavior can lead to you not taking care of your personal obligations, developing resentment for those around you, and eventually feeling under-appreciated and taken advantage of. Newman is the author of The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say and Mean It, and Stop People-Pleasing Forever. She points to the following reasons why you should not let helping others get out of hand.

Your Relationships Can Suffer

You probably have a desire to help everyone, and make everyone happy, if you can’t say no. Sometimes though, trying to please everyone means leaving some people out. You have already agreed to so many obligations there is not enough time left on your schedule. Also, when you take on too many commitments, the quality of your efforts can suffer. This means your personal and business relationships can be damaged as a result.

You Begin to Resent Yourself

A lot of “yes men” and women do not like that part of their personality. They realize that they are stress-filled because they are constantly trying to keep everyone around them happy. They see their own obligations taking a backseat, while the people they do favors for advance in business and in their personal lives. This can cause you to resent yourself, as you recognize your people-pleasing personality is pleasing everyone but you.

You Are Hurting Those You Care About

If you do everything for your friends, family members and coworkers, they never experience growth. You limit their ability to take on new tasks successfully when you can’t help them, because they may not know what to do on their own. Even if you see someone you care about struggling in a particular endeavor, sometimes it’s best to let them learn the process themselves, as this develops a new skill and an improved sense of self-esteem.

You Might Be Wrong

Is your every behavior dictated on what you think will please someone else? This is the case with a lot of people-pleasers. They try to perceive what will make others happy, and then act accordingly, even if it is detrimental to their own situation. Remember, you are not a mind reader. Trying to assume what will keep everyone happy could lead to the opposite result.

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2 Comments

  1. crazy mp3 says:

    Thank for information, nice article

  2. As the famous Paolo Coehlo said “When you say YES to others, make sure you are not saying NO to yourself”, which means that you don’t have please others while sacrificing your own happiness. While it is nice to know that people are fond of you due to your kindness, it is not appropriate to always try to meet their expectiations at the expense of your own happiness. Consistently being a people-pleaser will destroy you, resulting to limited actions and lower self-esteem. I recently read a blog written by Aris Moreno, which not only tackle on why we need to stop being a people-pleaser, but also provided effective ways on how to turn away from it. (you can read it here:http://www.theoptimistblog.com/2015/05/5-ways-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser.html). I find it very interesting because the ideas he proposed are realistic and brave. The article also advised that we should not be scared of losing people who wants you to live according to their will. You have your own free will, value and love yourself more and you will eventually find happiness, peace and contentment.