Women love to try and change men. Go on, admit it, you know you do. How many times have you watched a movie and fallen for the bad guy and deep down you “knew” you could change him? Just think of American Psycho starring Christian Bale. Millions of women were drooling over a psychotic killer brandishing a chainsaw and not simply because he looked good, but because deep down inside they were convinced they could change him. Essentially, they fall in love with his potential rather than the man he already is.
Well, that maybe a worthy project if you want to risk your neck with someone like that but it will only serve to push your man away if you try to apply the same technique to your relationship. Men feel empowered and loved when they are trusted and accepted for who they are. In fact, a little appreciation goes a long way to make him feel loved.
However, if you try to change him, in his mind you are basically saying that he isn’t good enough, competent enough, smart enough and so on and so forth. The result is that you will be hurting him even if you don’t realize it. The more you try to change him the less he feels that you love, trust and accept him.
While women consider it a sign of affection to offer advice, men see it as a validation of the fact that they aren’t trusted or worthy. Remember, men are open to advice only when they ask for it.
Therefore, rather than trying to change him by offering unsolicited advice, show your love by offering him trust. You essentially need to trust him that he is capable of resolving his problems by himself.
This doesn’t mean you should hide your feelings. It simply means that you shouldn’t use them as punishment or a weapon to change him. You won’t succeed in changing him anyway and it will simply drive the two of you apart.
For example, if he is upset you might be tempted to prod and poke until you get the truth out of him about what’s bothering him. However, he will see that as an attempt on your part to change how he deals with his problems and it will make him feel you don’t trust him. Instead, show a little concern but for the most part ignore the fact that he is upset until he is ready to come and talk to you.
Also, try to avoid offering free advice because it will, again, make him feel as if you don’t accept who he is or don’t trust him. Instead, be patient and have faith that he will be able to grow on his own and eventually he will come to you to ask for advice.
Another big mistake women make is to make sacrifices for their man, expecting the reverse. However, this simply makes him feel as if you are trying to change the way he behaves. Therefore, you are better off doing things for yourself and not depending on him to make you happy.
Just as you wouldn’t like your man making decisions for you or telling you what to do, your man will also feel as if you are trying to control him if you order him about. Simply relax and accept that imperfections are what make life beautiful. After all, what’s more important? His feelings or whether or not he vacuumed under the table?