Divorce Doesn’t Scar Children – Selfish Parents Do!
Divorce Doesn’t Scar Children – Selfish Parents Do! By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
Divorce is a highly emotional topic. When children are involved the consequences are far more dramatic – and, not surprisingly, so are our opinions. I know there are many people who sincerely believe that no divorce is a good divorce. That children are always and inevitably harmed by the physical and emotional separation of their parents. And that parents should – for the sake of the kids – just stick it out and not rock the boat with divorce or separation until the children are grown.
This is a particularly prevalent view for many who are grown children of divorce. These adults have experienced the dramatic life changes that come with divorce and feel permanently scarred as a result.
This response is certainly understandable. But it’s not the final word on this subject. I have another perspective based on the experience of being raised in a family that chose to stay together “for the sake of the kids.” My parents should have divorced early in their marriage. They were both miserable together, had little respect for each other, and raised two children in a home fraught with anger, tension, frequent loud arguments and discord.
I remember my mother asking me one day when I was in early adolescence whether she should divorce Dad. “No,” I cried. I wanted a Mom and a Dad like the other kids. My childhood was miserable and filled with insecurity. Immersed in that insecurity I feared what life would be like if my parents were divorced. Mom didn’t have the courage to do it anyway (those were vastly different times, especially for women) and she continued in her unhappy marriage for decades more.
To read the rest of the article, check out the Spring Issue of WE Magazine for Women - A Tribute to Mother Nature.
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May 25th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
My parents divorced when I was eight years old. It hurt at the time, but I learned quickly that it wasn’t about me. I do believe that parents should stay together whenever possible. Children need and deserve to have both of their parents. I do also realize, on the other hand, that a separation might be best. It was for my mother. She remarried and is still with my step dad today. In the end I got four parents.