Should you or Shouldn’t You? How to be a Thoughtful Regifter by Heidi Richards Mooney

Okay, admit it! You have given away a gift that wasn’t exactly to your liking, haven’t you? Well if you haven’t it is likely you thought about it. After all, just because the tea set doesn’t match your dinner ware, doesn’t mean its not a great gift for someone you know. A tea drinker. Who loves fancy cups and saucers, I imagine.

And then there’s those things we get like clothing and jewelry that don’t exactly match our personal style. Maybe you know someone who would appreciate them and actually get some use out of the gift, or not. And therein lies the challenge. What to regift and what not to regift. Should you return it, give it away ro regift.

Yes, ’tis the season to be giving and receiving with gracious gratitude, but lets be honest. Note every gift is going to be put to use. And the only thing worse than a gift we can’t use is a gift we can’t or won’t use that sits for years in a closet unopened because we didn’t have the heart to do something worthwhile with it.

Anytime you have the option of returning a gift for the right size, color or something more suitable, that is perfectly acceptable. I mean if someone gives you a gift and guessed at your size (I have a family member who is notorious for buying the wrong sizes. The only problem is she buys them on clearance and often there are no more even remotely close to what she first picked out. They are often really pretty but not always something I will ever wear. Gift receipts come in really handy for these types of returns. Make sure if you are the giver of the gift, to include one – just in case.

According to Peggy Post (great granddaughter to Emily Post) “It’s okay as long as people’s feelings won’t be hurt. The gift must be brand new and it can’t be something the original giver took great pains to select.”

One year someone gave me a bread maker, that to this day I never used. But my sister in law loves to bake bread and so I asked her if she would like it and she was simply delighted! I would never give that type of gift to someone who didn’t have it on their “wish list” or had told me directly they wanted a bread baker. But some people would.

I should also admit right now that most of the gifts I receive don’t end up going to people I know well. I most often use them as door prizes for events I attend or raffle/auction items. This of course, only works with NEW gifts. But then again if it was used, it would not be proper to regift.

If you receive a duplicate gift (something you already have) maybe its time you passed the older one on to someone else who could get some use out of them.

 Here are 15 things to keep in mind when deciding to regift:

1. Who gave you the gift (I keep a slip of paper either in the box the gift came in or on a bag I store the gift in. That saves embarrassment not to regift to someone who gave the gift to me in the first place.

2. Use caution when tossin’ – if the item is something the person who gave them to you loves and you want to stay in her/his good graces, don’t immediately get “rid” of the gift. You never know when the question will arise during a visit “sweetie, where are those lovely crystal candle holders I gave you for Christmas last year?”

3. Only regift items in their original package. The gift should be in the same condition it was when it was purchased.

4. Never regift handmade or personalized items. Or perishables.

5. If you do regift food items with a long shelf life, be sure to check expiration dates first. Never give away “expired” food.

6. Don’t regift outdated technology such as software, or other electronics unless you know for certain the recipient will be “thrilled” to receive such a gift.

7. Only regift to someone you truly believe would love the gift. Otherwise it isn’t really a gift, it’s a hand-me-down.

8. Think before you regift. If you are almost 100% sure that no one will have hurt fealings if you regift, then by all means do so. Otherwise, don’t do it!

9. If you do plan to regift, be sure you wrap it up nice and pretty. Make it look important and the recipient will feel important when she/he gets your gift.

Alternatives to regifting:

10. Give them to organizations that can resell or give them to people in need.

11. Sell them at a yard sale (be careful you don’t invite the gift giver over to help.

12. Use as a raffle or door prize at an event. I often get gifts from our readers that go almost untouched (books being the only exception). I will either give those away during a meeting, or create a lovely gift basket filled with nice items to use as a door prize. These baskets are often the most popular items with the highest number of ”bidders.”

13. Contact Freecycle.org – a social network filled with people from all over the United States who want to pass things on to others who could use them. “The Freecycle Network™ is made up of 5,004 groups with 8,854,844 members around the world. It’s a grassroots and entirely nonprofit movement of people who are giving (and getting) stuff for free in their own towns. It’s all about reuse and keeping good stuff out of landfills”. Freecycle is free to join.

14. Check out FreeSharing.org – similar to Freecycle, on a smaller scale.

15. Sell those unwanted (but useful) gifts on eBay or CraigsList. You can use the money earned to buy gifts for others (or yourself) that are wanted. Or you can donate the proceeds to a charity.

And finally, remember this, “regifting is simply another term for “recycling” which means its good for the planet. Better to end up in someone else’s closet than a landfill.

This article is excerpted from the Holiday Gift Guide for 2011. Be sure and check it out and read other articles about the holidays. It’s also great to add to your online shopping experience!

Guiding Signs 101 to Shape a Holiday Season That’s Right for YOU by Kathleen McIntire

For many of us, the holiday season is fraught with powerful and often conflicting emotions. Memories from childhood, leftover grief, and the expectations of others get as tangled up in our minds as strands of colored lights. And that, says Kathleen McIntire, is why when someone asks us what we really want out of the holidays we may realize that we just don’t know.

“Let’s say you’re a single woman who lives far from your extended family and you’re trying to figure out whether you want to go home for Christmas,” explains McIntire. “There’s not always a clear answer. On one hand you don’t want to upset your family. On the other, you’re exhausted from traveling and would like to just relax in your own home. But if you stay put, will you feel depressed and lonely on Christmas Day? Should you consider a third option—perhaps going out of town with a friend instead?”

McIntire’s Guiding Signs 101 cards can serve as a tool for helping you make the holiday decisions that are right for you. Each one features an everyday road sign—yield, road narrows, speed bump, etc.—that has a deeper meaning attached to it. The cards are intended to be a “bridge” that helps people get in touch with their own intuition and wisdom.

Here’s how to use the cards:

1. Become present. Take a few deep breaths and connect to your heart center.

2. Ask. Concentrate on your question or say it aloud. Clear questions will result in clear answers.

3. Shuffle with the deck face down.

4. Draw a card. You can divide the pack in half and turn one half over to reveal your card, or you can spread the cards out on a surface and let yourself be guided to a card. Whatever works for you!

Here are two ways to let them guide you this holiday season:

1. Ask an open-ended question. Addressing whomever you believe provides guidance (God, your higher self, your spirit guides), say, “Please give me clarity on what I need to do to have a joyful holiday season.” Then, consult the cards.

Imagine that you get the “phone” card. This is the communication card. After reading the deeper meaning in the guidebook you realize that you should call your mother. As you talk to her about your mixed feelings on coming home for the holidays, a clear answer may come to you.

2. Ask a “yes or no” question. For this, use only the green- and red-light cards. Ask a very specific question: “Should I spend the holidays at home?” Or even better: “Is it in my highest and best interests to spend the holidays at home?” A green light would mean yes, and a red light no.

Kathleen McIntire is a transformational teacher, speaker, and healer who is dedicated to bringing forth truth, liberation, and awakening. She is the author and creator of Guiding Signs 101, a set of divination cards and guidebook using everyday road signs to tap into your intuition and own inner guidance. She is the steward of MoonBear Sanctuary, located on 28 acres in Northern California. The retreat center located there provides cutting-edge workshops as well as ceremonies, study groups, and symposiums. Kathleen, whose focus is on restoring the feminine power, also leads sacred journeys with women. She has led journeys to the Andes and rainforest of Ecuador. Her next journey is to Guatemala; it will revolve around the 0-day Mayan Calendar.

Kathleen’s website addresses are www.soaringinlight.com and www.guidingsigns101.com.

This article is excerpted from the Holiday Gift Guide for 2011. Be sure and check it out and read other articles about the holidays. It’s also great to add to your online shopping experience! While you are at it check out the SendOutCards.com website and get the first card free!

Don’t buy things that people don’t want. The biggest waste of money is buying something for someone that ends up on the floor of their closet or stuck on a shelf in the garage. Always remember that gift giving is about someone else’s wants and needs, and whether you like a certain item isn’t always relevant.

In cases where you’re just not sure what to get, consider a gift card or gift certificate. A gift card makes a great gift for babysitters, newspaper carriers, doormen, teachers, and others. They are a perfect way to make sure the recipient gets what they want and a great way to stick to a budget. Caveats: buy gift cards from reputable suppliers, make sure the cards have no associated fees or expiration date, and make sure that any security code or redemption number on the card is unexposed.

Don’t wait until the last minute to do your shopping. Many retailers will have limited inventory this year because of the economy. Waiting too long to make your purchase may significantly limit your choices.

Spread out holiday purchases throughout the year – or at least throughout the holiday season. Last minute shopping often results in unnecessary purchases, and getting caught in the “holiday rush” makes it more difficult to stay committed to a budget.

The sooner you know what you want to buy, the sooner you can start looking for ways to save money. Become diligent about checking weekly newspaper ads and flyers. Sign up to receive emails from your favorite retailers, regularly check their websites for special offers, and use the Internet to comparison shop. The more legwork you do from home, the more time, money, and gas you will save.

If you get your holiday shopping done early, BE CAREFUL! Just because you’re finished shopping doesn’t mean that you won’t continue to be inundated with holiday ads from retailers. Avoid the temptation to keep buying all those deals that are “too good to pass up.” If you do end up buying something, be prepared to take something else back.

Watch your personal belongings at all times when you’re out shopping – this includes handbags and shopping bags. Be particularly careful at the register when you can get easily distracted making your purchases.

Keep cash in a safe place while shopping, and pull out of your wallet or purse only the amount you need to make a purchase.

Keep all purchased items in the trunk of the car or otherwise out of sight. And whenever possible, park near a light if you know it will be dark by the time you are done shopping.

Before you leave home, make sure you write down all important credit card information and put it someplace safe. This includes the account number and the customer service phone number on the back of the card. One easy way to do this is to make a photocopy of the front and back of each card. If a card is lost or stolen while you’re shopping, report it immediately.

Make sure you keep all receipts from credit or debit card purchases. As your credit card and bank statements arrive after the holidays, compare them to your saved receipts. If you see any errors, promptly dispute the charges or debits.

Have fun shopping, and here’s hoping that you and your family have a safe and happy holiday season.

Paul Vazquez lives in Florida with his wife and four children. He is the Director of Media Relations at Keycode.com, an online discount and promotion code company.

This article is excerpted from the Holiday Gift Guide for 2011. Be sure and check it out and read other articles about the holidays. It’s also great to add to your online shopping experience! While you are at it check out Celebrate Age a perfect stocking stuffer! And for the person who has everything, buy them a domain name at WECAIDomains.com!

The resourceful folks at Rocky Flats Gear, http://www.rockyflatsgear.com/, are the US manufacturer of a radiation shielding garment for individuals, with an emphasis on protecting the traveling public from radiation generated by security equipment…and they have a sense of humour too! The men’s briefs are available with a strategically placed fig leaf and the women’s briefs have a pair of clasped hands demurely shielding enquiring eyes. Of course, women’s protective bras are also available.

Both men’s and women’s undergarments are available in a variety of colours and sizes and, yup, there are even kid’s undies too! I can barely contain myself – see me biting my tongue here?

There are 2 types of briefs for both men and women – one with a token of a fig leaf and one that protects just about everything you keep inside you from your waist down, depending on how shy or paranoid you might be. Prices for basic bashfulness are $17.76 for demure women and $19.84 for modest men.

But before you make your final choice, check out the special packages – both men and women can buy a ‘Threat Level’ package that has 5 pair of briefs in 5 colours (Five Fun Colors: Red, Orange, Yellow, Green and Blue) to match the Homeland Security Threat Level of the day and the website graciously provides a link to the Homeland Security website so you can coordinate properly on your day of travel. Now that’s funny! Men’s briefs also come in a Patriot Pack of red, white and blue for $49.00. I guess women in the U.S. aren’t very patriotic. More tongue biting.

I think this company has shown amazing ingenuity, tempered with a lot of humour! Good for them for 1) cashing in on one of the hottest controversies and 2) making fun of the Federal Transportation Security Administration. I’m tempted to order a pair or two just to be in on all the fun and to voice my ridicule at this incredible over-reaction by Homeland Security. Come on guys; get a grip will ya?

Of course we all want secure flights, but this blanket application of the thinking that everyone is a suspect is kind of Orwellian, Animal Farm-ish, isn’t it? What if your 90 year old spinster Aunt Hazel or bachelor Uncle Felix had to submit to this? Wouldn’t that be just wrong to think of someone looking at something only Hazel or Felix had seen for the past 90 years? Isn’t that kind of an ‘ew’ moment? A picture that you never want to have in your mind, let alone in the mind of some security person at an airport?

So if I’m on your gift list this Christmas, you know what to give me. There’s nothing like briefs with a sense of humour for that discerning person on your gift list!

©Marcia Barhydt 2011

This article is excerpted from the Holiday Gift Guide for 2011. Be sure and check it out and read other articles about the holidays. It’s also great to add to your online shopping experience! While you are at it check out Oneness perfume by Shawn Rae and Eve’s Apples Lingerie in case you still want to send the “sexy underwear)! (Click on the ad to see the full version)

Without Spending A Dime!

New report says almost 70 percent of people will give less this holiday season and so supporters are getting creative with their giving

 As the economy continues to squeeze donors, a recent report conducted by Campbell Rinker showed disturbing results—that nearly 7 in 10 Americans say they will give more sparingly to charities in the coming months. As a result, people are looking for other ways to support their favorite causes this holiday giving season. Here are five ways people can “give without giving”:

1. Shop online. GoodShop.com works with more than 2,500 retailers (including Amazon, Gap, Target, Staples and Macy’s) to give a percentage of almost every purchase back to the shopper’s favorite charity. In addition, GoodShop lists more than 100,000 coupons so that shoppers can save money and do good at the same time! GoodShop currently works with more than 102,000 charities and schools. We can provide you with a list in your area. See how it works here!
2. Search the Internet: GoodSearch.com donates about a penny per search to the charity the user designates. It’s powered by Yahoo so users get great search results! Together with GoodShop, GoodSearch has raised more than $8 million for charity! See how it works here!
3. Redeem credit card points. Ask members to turn their unused credit card points into a charitable donation to your cause. Both American Express and Citi Card offer this program.
4. Volunteer: There are a handful of companies that match volunteer hours with funds. For example, Microsoft will match volunteer time at $17 an hour through its Volunteer Time Matching program. Boeing, Exxon, Intel, Chevron, and Bank of America have similar programs.
5. Dine out: GoodDining.com works with more than 10,000 restaurants across the country and each time you dine, up to 6% of what you spend is donated to your favorite charity. We can provide you a list of restaurants in your area.
6. Recycle your old electronics: Send your electronics to Gazelle.com and cash generated from that will be donated to charity.

About GoodSearch-Headquartered in San Francisco, CA, GoodSearch empowers people to change the world through simple everyday actions that raise money for causes people care most about. Launched in 2005, the service currently includes GoodSearch, a Yahoo-powered search engine and GoodShop, an online shopping and coupon portal which works with more than 2,500 top merchants including jcpenny, Lands’ End, Staples, and HP, and now GoodDining. To date, GoodSearch has donated more than $8 million to over 102,000 charities and schools designated by its users.

This article is excerpted from the Holiday Gift Guide for 2011. Be sure and check it out and read other articles about the holidays. It’s also great to add to your online shopping experience! While you’re at it be sure to check out the great giftware found at 7eStudio and Mumbani

We’re traveling off and on over the holidays. Since my mother broke her pelvis the first of the year, traveling the four hours to us is not doable for her. Not having her in the house at Christmas until the last-minute is a plus, as keeping a secret from her, when you’re in the same house is nearly impossible. As a kid, I can remember all packages bearing her name had small holes in the bottom where she’d poked a finger in to see if she could determine what was inside. For me, I like to be surprised, or sometimes.

Most of my life I’ve been teased for being kind of skittish person. By this, I mean I’m jumpy. If you walk in the room and I’m unaware you are there, when I do lay eyes on you, I’m liable to thrust my hands up in the air, throw the cat across the room, or attempt to two-step my way to Beijing. It’s a personal problem. I offer no explanation for this odd behavior, other than the possibility I was dropped out of a second story window as a baby and landed on my head. As for my other half, always searching for the silver lining, he views this as a positive trait. In his eyes, in the event a masked intruder should break into the house, upon observing me exhibiting these peculiar behaviors he would assess me to be wired incorrectly and vacate the premises post haste for his own protection. Always nice to be reassured that I’m making a positive contribution to the household.

Before my children moved out on their own, they found this endlessly entertaining, sneaking up me often, thus signficantly reducing my life expectancy. Once, they hid in the closet when I came home from work, specifically, my closet. Calling their names and getting no response, I did what I usually did upon walking in the door at night, kicked off my shoes and headed for the bedroom to get out of my work clothes. Peeling off my jacket and opening the door to hang it up, I found my two potential inmates standing stock still, hands at their sides, looking up at me. Triggering every fight or flight response in me, I first ripped every button off the front of my blouse, and then in a knee-jerk reaction my right foot shot out and nailed my son directly in the crotch bringing him down like a deflated hot-air balloon. Looking back on it, I believe that that defense would have held up in court. It’s amazing we don’t eat our young, like guppies.

It seems that I attract others of my own kind, because our oldest cat, Boo Boo (the name alone would suggest where I’m going), has similar idiosyncracies. If you round a corner and sneak up on her, she will turn sideways and on tiptoe, sidle across the floor Halloween cat style as though she was the lead ballerina in the feline production of Swan Lake. Hysterical.

Socializing the old cat with the new remains an issue. Better these days, they’re still far from perfect. They’ll be alone in the house for four days while we’re gone and we’re entertaining outfitting them in diminutive suits of armor in order to keep them from harming one another. Not really, hold the comments, we’re putting them in separate parts of the house and hiring a pet sitter. Ach. On one trip down to the Bay Area we attempted to bring the older cat. On our way home, we let her freely roam in the back of the car. Ecstatic to be uncrated, she hopped back and forth between the back seat and the tailgate of the SUV, stopping now and then to gaze out the window in the back seat.

After coming to a stop sign and beginning to pick up speed, she climbed up to look out the window resting her paw on the automatic window button. Uh-oh. It is set up in a way that it has to go all the way down before going back up, and in the interim the cat jumped out. I practically dislocated my other half’s neck getting him to pull over to the side of the road. Having apparently all nine lives to spare, she zigzagged across the road between traffic and hid in the meridian under some bushes leaving only her tail showing. My other half did his own pee pee dance behind her dodging cars. Calling her name and getting nothing, and with no other option he got down on his hands and knees and began the humiliating process of coaxing a frightened animal back out of a hiding spot. You animal lovers will recongize this scenario, it’s the one when your voice rises two octaves above normal, and you’re reduced to making empty promises involving lifetime supplies of Greenies and Fancy Feast when they arrive home. At last, the deal sealed apparently, she jumped into his arms and they were back in the car. Note to self: Turn on babylock when cat is in car.

Cats are strange beings. We invite them into our homes and provide food and shelter. In return they use your $4,000.00 designer couch for a scratching post, and the $75.00 scratching post purchased precisely for that particular activity remains pristine and untouched. A litter box is provided and cleaned regularly for their use, and yet they seem to find your potted plants so much more convenient for eliminating all that high-end kibble they’re consuming. We treat them like children, lavishing them with love, affection and gifts and still they view us with indifference and disdain, dispensing affection at their will, for which we are unnaturally grateful. Good Lord, this is sounding like our last family get together.

Try these little bundles, they don’t fight back, and there is no writing of checks involved. I serve these before a pasta dish usually with a dipping sauce of Ranch Dressing. For a holiday party I tie the haystacks in the middle with a length of chive making a bow. Yum.

Italian Green Bean Bundles

1/4 lb. or approx. 64 green beans
8 scallions, halved
2 large eggs
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/8 cup grated Parmesan Cheese
1/2 tsp. black pepper
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1 cup olive oil for frying
Salt to taste
Ranch dressing or sour cream dill sauce for dipping
Wooden toothpicks

Bring 6 quarts of lightly salted water to boil in large pot. Add trimmed beans to pot and continue cooking on medium boil for about 3 mins. Do not overcook. Beans should be slightly under el dente. Drain beans on a clean kitchen towel on a cookie sheet until cooled.

When cooled line up in fours and cut to the same length, about 5″. At the same time halve your green onion tops and set aside. Place 1/2 onion top in center of each group of green beans. Secure in the center with a toothpick placed horizontally.

Beat two eggs in shallow dish. Mix together dry ingredients in separate shallow dish. Dip each bundle first in egg mixture and then in flour mixture, shaking off excess. Place on paper towel lined cookie sheet in single layer.

Heat oil in large skillet over med. heat to about 360 degrees. In batches add the bundles turning often until golden brown on both sides. Drain on paper towels. Sprinkle lightly with salt.

Serve immediately with Ranch dressing or dill yogurt dip.

Speaking of Shopping, check out this year’s Holiday Gift Giving Guide. It’s filled with holiday shopping ideas and more…

I find that the majority of my clients are stressed-out to the max by this time of year and often arrive at my office looking like they can barely hold it together anymore. By the time some of them sit down in the chair across from me, they are already in tears saying something to the tune of “It’s too much. I’m so overwhelmed. I hate this time of year. I just want it be over”. They look at me searchingly, as if I can somehow take away their stress, cancel the holiday season, or perhaps, take their relatives off their hands for a few days. Of course, a therapist has none of these superpowers. But one thing I can do, and often find is helpful to these particular women, is to give them the time and space they need to just sit, breathe deeply, and find their centre again. We just sit and take some deep breaths together until they feel the panic and stress lift off of their tired shoulders. This can take a few minutes in some cases. That’s okay. Take the time you need to breathe deeply, centre yourself, and let the stress of the season wash right off your entire body.

During the holiday season, we need to stop, breathe, and meditate as often as we possibly can- even if we think we can’t! All you need is a couple of minutes and if you have to lock yourself in a bathroom to do it, go for it!

And for homework, what I often suggest clients in this state do is to declare one half-hour for themselves during which they will have no interruptions and can hide out somewhere alone where they feel peaceful and write a journal entry answering the following questions:

If I were to throw away all of society’s expectations of the holidays and what everyone else tells me I should be doing at this time of year…

How would I celebrate this holiday? What would be meaningful to me?

What does this holiday mean to me personally?

How could I find some spiritual meaning in the holidays? How would I express that (i.e., what rituals/ceremonies/activities would I want to perform?)

What did I love about this season as a child? How could I get some of that feeling back now?

Who do I most want to spend the holidays with? Whose memory do I want to honour during this season? How could I do that?

Even if I am obligated to do things/spend time with people I don’t really enjoy this season, how can I make the most of it and decrease the negatives as much as possible?

How will I carve out time for personal reflection/self-care/down-time during this season?

Esther Kane, MSW, Registered Clinical Counsellor, is the author of the book and audio program, “It’s Not About the Food: A Woman’s Guide To Making Peace with Food and Our Bodies” (www.endyoureatingdisorder.com) and “Dump That Chump”(www.dumpthatchump.com). Sign up for her free monthly e-zine to uplift and inspire women at: http://www.estherkane.com.

This article is excerpted from the Holiday Gift Guide for 2011. Be sure and check it out and read other articles about the holidays. It’s also great to add to your online shopping experience! While you’re at it be sure to check out the great giftware found at Celtic Attic.

visit www.CelticAttic.com today!

During the holiday season, you may have the opportunity to interact with superiors in your organization. This is the perfect opportunity for you to be heard confidently and clearly by your bosses, colleagues and office mates.

A week or two before your office party, leave yourself a voicemail on your office line, and listen to your voice the next time you’re in the office. Analyze your message critically. Is your voice too highly pitched, too gravelly, too loud or too soft? Do you speak too fast or ‘uptalk’ at the ends of your sentences?

Start using your voice more effectively and powerfully. Try these strategies:

Too High a Pitch: When we speak loudly above the noise of the gathering, our vocal folds, throat and jaw can tighten which causes our pitch to rise. Take a deeper breath into your lower rib cage and open your throat as you speak. Your vocal folds will remain relaxed and your pitch will remain lower.

Gravel: Be sure to keep your volume constant through the end of your sentences and pronounce the last word. Frequently, we are ready to move on to our next thought and let our voices trail off or become gravely. Practice singing songs and then speak the songs so that you breathe through the last word.

Uptalk: You sound less confident and certain if you inflect the ends of your sentences upward as if asking a question. If you uptalk, practice stating the last word as a fact. Write down sentences and practice:

Instead of: My name is Sarah Monroe? I work in legal affairs?

Say: My name is Sarah Monroe. I work in legal affairs.

Rapid Rate of Speech: Sometimesyourspeechallruns togetherwhenyouspeaktoofast. Say “Didn’t we work together on the gov-ern-ment’s contract for health care management last year?” Speak smoothly, but remember to say the ends of words and all the syllables in words with many syllables. This strategy will slow you down and assure that you’ll be heard and understood the first time.

Practice these vocal techniques while reading your emails out loud, or by leaving yourself daily voicemails at the office. Start today to unlock your most powerful tool: your voice!

Susan Miller, Ph.D. is a voice and communication coach and founder of Voicetrainer, LLC located in Washington, DC. Her book Be Heard the First time: The Woman’s Guide to Powerful Speaking trains women to maximize their impact every time that they speak. Learn more about her at www.voicetrainer.com.

This article is excerpted from the Holiday Gift Guide for 2011. Be sure and check it out and read other articles about the holidays. It’s also great to add to your online shopping experience! While you’re at it be sure to check out Susan’s special offer for readers of WE Magazine for Women below (click on the link above the ad to view her site):

www.voicetrainer.com

Tough Love Author Shares Tips for Disarming the Debbie Downers

For those of us from families built on Debbie Downer DNA, there’s only one direction a mood can go during holiday get-togethers and that’s down.

Sure, the running negative commentary, bubble-bursting barbs and rampant self-pity were funny coming from comedian Rachel Dratch on “Saturday Night Live’s” Debbie Downer sketches. But few of us can foresee our own Negative Nancys giving us a good belly laugh.

Whether you’re the smiley face among frowners, or a bit of a Depressing Dan yourself, there are tricks you can use to keep the table talk from getting lethal, says Paula Renaye, a professional life coach and author of The Hardline Self Help Handbook, (www.hardlineselfhelp.com).

“You can take control simply by thinking about what you choose to say – or not say,” Renaye says. “If you hear yourself criticizing, judging or complaining, you’re part of the problem. Happy, self-respecting people don’t find it necessary to dump on others to make themselves feel good.”

“If someone else is the problem, simply don’t give them the ammunition they need,” she says. Instead try these tactics:

• Do not say anything negative. Period. And no one-downing! One-downing is the opposite of one-upping. It’s the art of coming up with something worse when someone else talks about their problem. No matter what negative thing anyone says, or how much you agree with it or don’t, resist the urge to respond with a negative. Instead ….

• Dodge, distract and detour. Turn things around with a question — a positive one. If you need to, make a “happy list” of questions before you go, so you’ll have some at the ready. And remember, there’s no law that says you have to answer a question just because someone asked it. With negative people, it’s best if you …

• Do not talk about yourself. The only reason negative people care about what you’re up to is because they want something to ridicule, brag or gossip about to make themselves look or feel good. Don’t go there. Whether you just filed bankruptcy or won a Nobel Prize, keep it to yourself. No good can come of it. None. And why do you need to chatter like a chipmunk about yourself anyway? Might want to think on that one, too. Better to find some praise for someone else than to expect someone to praise you.

• Do not share your woes. Even if you’re in a tough place and could really use a shoulder to cry on, don’t start laying your woes on a Negative Nell. Even in a weak moment, when you’ve had a terrible day, talking about it with a negative person is a bad idea. You might get a microsecond of sympathy, but that’s only so they can launch into telling you how much worse they have it. So, no talking about yourself unless you want to be the talk of the party, the family and the town.

• Do your homework and become like Teflon. Think of the times people said things that made you feel bad or made you feel the need to defend or explain yourself. If you want to avoid going down that trail again, start hacking away at the jungle of your own emotions. Get over needing anyone’s approval or blessing. If you are still waiting for negative relatives to validate you, you’re in for a long wait. Don’t set yourself up to be miserable. Get over it and go prepared.

About Paula Renaye - Former eggshell-walker, emotionally-bankrupt wreck and utter failure at keeping her world from falling apart, Paula Renaye uses her journey out of despair into joy as a breadcrumb trail for others. She has been a consultant for 18 years, holds a degree in financial planning with a background in journalism and psychology, and is a member of the International Association of Coaches. Paula is the multi-award-winning author of The Hardline Self Help Handbook.

This article is excerpted from the Holiday Gift Guide for 2011. Be sure and check it out and read other articles about the holidays. It’s also great to add to your online shopping experience! While you are at it check out Kathleen Gage’s offer  from this year’s gift guide:

Visit Kathleen Gage’s Spiritual Blog too!

AND REV UP THE ROMANCE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

In a long term relationship and feeling celebratory as the holiday season approaches? But are you discovering that while the notion of intimacy is top of mind, you have lost that loving feeling, even though you are happily together with your long term partner? You are not alone. Close to half of all women complain of similar concerns. What can you do to ignite new sparks and have the sexiest holiday season ever?

More than anything else this holiday season, your dream is to have a more satisfying relationship with your partner, but the passion seems to have dwindled. Worse yet, while the holiday spirit is high, the dark, dank days may be more of a match for your dulled desire. Why? Underlying causes may be prescription medcations including oral contraceptives, anti depressants, anti hypertension meds, and others, all unknowingly undermining your sexual desire, arousal and satisfaction, and real chance of holiday pleasure.

Avoidance of getting closer may be caused by new feeling of sexual discomfort due to vaginal dryness, interfering with intimacy and satisfaction.

Holiday rush and everyday stress may make sleep a luxury. And, being overtired can undercut the romance in any relationship. Time to make your bedroom a haven for restful slumber by removing any and all electronic distractions. Create an ambiance, and help restore divine connection and sexual pleasure in your relationship.

Fall in love with him all over again. Use the season to be more attentive. Hold his hand..and whisper in his ear. Put holiday shopping on hold and plan a getaway intimacy weekend. to a romantic but festive location. Doing something new, different and unexpected may help increase those “feel good” brain chemicals (dopamine,norepinephrine, and oxytocin) and make you feel more romantically interested.

Give yourself a “romance to the rescue” gift to heat up holidays under the sheets…for an all new you for holidays into the new year.

This little trio is guaranteed to give your romance a real boost. Best of all, it’s a great little stocking stuffer or Hanukah gift for your favorite girlfriend who may be suffering in silence…but needs more fulfillment and satisfaction in her life, too. (Men, it’s a great sexy little surprise for the woman in your life)

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This article is excerpted from the Holiday Gift Guide for 2011. Be sure and check it out and read other articles about the holidays. It’s also great to add to your online shopping experience!

while you are at it check out these two incredible stocking stuffers in this year’s gift guide:

Lipsense by SenceGen – the Long-lasting Liquid Lip Color at www.RockYourLips.com

Women in Jazz South Florida – 10 songs, 10 women artists at www.WIJSF.org