(Heart-Shaped Candy Boxes Not Required!)

Feeling cynical or depressed about Valentine’s Day? Don’t, says intuitive psychologist Susan Apollon. Instead, use it as an opportunity to explore the meaning of pure love…and create a life of peace and joy.

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and if you listen closely you’ll hear America heave a collective sigh of resignation (from the couples who must run out and buy obligatory gifts) and gloom (from the singles who feel like hiding sulkily under the covers). Yes, many people dread this seemingly benign holiday more than a trip to the dentist. But intuitive psychologist Susan Apollon says not to look at Valentine’s Day as an occasion for enforced “romance” or mourning for your dormant love life. Instead, think of it as a day to celebrate the existence of love itself—pure, authentic, unconditional love—and all the rich rewards it brings.

“Love really isn’t about hearts and flowers and grand romantic gestures,” says Apollon, author of Touched by the Extraordinary, Book Two: Healing Stories of Love, Loss & Hope.. “It isn’t about who got who the best gift, or who has a partner and who doesn’t. Love is a way of living. And Valentine’s Day can be more than a reminder that someone loves you; it can serve as an affirmation that you are totally lovable, loving, adored, and special all year long.”

In other words, let Valentine’s Day be a day in which you focus wholeheartedly on your ability to give and receive love. You don’t need to have a spouse or romantic partner in order to do this. You can love your coworkers, your neighbors, your pets, the clerk at the grocery store—anyone and everyone—but especially yourself.

Keep reading to learn how to rev up your love quotient this Valentine’s Day:

Commit to Unconditional Love: To You, From You. It may be a cliché but it is very, very true: until you love yourself you can’t fully love another person. And too many of us beat ourselves up for not being thin enough or pretty enough or smart enough—and worse, we may even use the fact that we are romantically unattached (or in a bad relationship) to validate that low opinion. This is tragic, says Apollon. Whether single or involved, it is vital that you truly understand the value of loving yourself unconditionally. Self-love is the key to achieving all other love and finding happiness in its many forms.

“There must be no conditions for loving yourself,” insists Apollon. “Being lovable and capable of loving is never about having a great body, a high-profile job, or tons of money. There are no strings attached to your adoring your whole self: body, mind, and spirit. There is only the need for you to view yourself as the exquisite miracle you really are. Allow Valentine’s Day to be a reminder of who you are. Love yourself first, because you are your most significant other.”

Get High This Valentine’s Day—High Energy, That is! If you’re wondering what love really is, Apollon says, it’s energy. Everything is energy, in fact, and love is one of the highest energies. So, when you choose to become your own priority and love yourself unconditionally, you will vibrate at an astoundingly higher energy level. The result is that you feel wonderful and life becomes a delicious adventure. Your love for yourself enables you to walk with your head held high and your heart full and healed. You’ll feel grounded, centered, and stable—and these good feelings will affect those around you.

If you’re wondering how to reach that high level of energy, Apollon says the answer is simple: do things that feel good. You might buy yourself a beautiful bouquet of flowers, for instance, or a nice pair of silk pajamas, or a day at the spa. Or place notes all around you that remind you of how loving and special you are…that you are a Beautiful Soul…and that you are loved. It may seem silly, but it works.

Breathe in Love—Not Just on Valentine’s Day, But Every Day. Apollon suggests that each morning and evening you take a few moments to focus on your breathing in and out—long, deep, relaxing breaths—with the intention of helping you shift to a higher energy. Visualize yourself breathing in loving energy from the Universe. See this flowing into every cell and feel the warm, loving impact.

“Picture the Universe, your own Soul, Higher Wisdom, God, or your angels being present for you and feel their embrace—the embrace of love,” she says. “Sit with this and really feel the amazing warm, healing energy of this embrace. It is so powerful!”

Affirm and Visualize Love. Imagine that you are a half-inflated balloon. Most of us live our day-to-day lives in this love-less state of under-inflation. Now envision your soul filling up with love. Affirm your worth several times a day by stating silently or out loud: I am love, I am lovable, and I am loving. Your love for yourself enables you to feel the powerful energy of love even in your cells. As you make your affirmations, visualize these feelings of love permeating every cell of your being. You are love, and you deserve the joy of giving and receiving pure love.

Incorporate Your Own Strengths into Your Affirmations. You are a unique creation worthy of universal energy and love. Everyone is blessed with different attributes and a great way to fill yourself up with self-love is to remind yourself of all your fabulous qualities. Practice affirmations about your own uniqueness that makes you worth loving. A few examples are: I am passionate, I am a great mother, I am ready to be loved, I give fabulous advice, and I am full of creativity.

Face, Embrace, and Replace Grief…and Practice Forgiveness. The energy of love does not mesh comfortably with the energy of anger, pain, guilt, and unresolved conflicts or issues, says Apollon. Therefore, you must release any old grievances in order to vibrate on a higher energetic plane. Valentine’s Day should bring for you a reminder that we are all here for love and that love begins first with forgiveness of yourself and others who have in the past treated you poorly. Face your negative energy and acknowledge it. When you are ready, replace old grief with love and just savor the vast difference this shift makes in your life!

If you need a mantra to help you release the pain that holds you down, Apollon suggests you say to yourself: I love myself enough to let you go now. I choose to detach from carrying you around with me, weighing me down and disabling me from moving on and having a good life. I forgive you and I forgive me. I am truly sorry but I must let you go. I surrender you to the Universe. I choose to be free of any attachments that keep me from experiencing the peace and joy to which I am entitled.

Release Your Attachment to Your Vision of Prince or Princess Charming. If you spend Valentine’s Day hoping for an engagement ring, seething with resentment that your partner forgot that you prefer dark chocolate over milk chocolate, or daydreaming about that knight in shining armor who will sweep you away from your dreary life, you’re missing the whole point of love. Your attachments to an ideal only set you up for a fall when perfection fails to materialize. Remember, says Apollon, that real love (for yourself or others) doesn’t come with conditions. When you love unconditionally, you don’t need anything in return.

“We feel happy, we are lighter and unburdened when we release our expectations,” asserts Apollon. “Don’t spend Valentine’s Day hoping for roses, romance, or a note from a secret admirer. And married folks and those with partners need to realize that the person you love is not responsible for meeting your checklist of expectations for happiness. Instead put your focus on sending loving energy to everyone you know this day and every day. It will clear the metaphorical haze around you, so to speak and for the first time you will see and feel all the love you need.”

“Too many people use the fairy tale illusion of living happily-ever-after to define their inner worth,” says Apollon. “Know that true happiness can’t come to you in its many forms until you are able to accept it. Love is all around you and will manifest when you finally learn to let it permeate your spirit, by loving yourself and exuding love to everyone you know. Remember that love is what connects and sustains us all and gives life meaning. Living lovingly feels so good, and when you make the choice to do this, each day can feel like the best Valentine’s Day ever.”

As a psychologist and an author, Susan Apollon empowers and heals the body, mind, and soul; as an educator, she informs; as a speaker, she inspires and touches the heart.

For more than twenty-five years, Susan has been in private practice in Yardley, PA, evaluating and counseling adults, families, and children who are dealing with difficult life situations similar to what she has personally experienced, researched, and written about, including cancer, other health issues, trauma, and grief.

She integrates the gifts and challenges of having lived more than sixty-five years with the joy and satisfaction of being married for more than forty-four years to her husband, Warren, a practicing orthodontist, along with the role of being mom to her two adult children, Rebecca, an Emergency Medicine physician, and her son, David, a Management Consultant.

Dr. Martha Howard’s Baker’s Dozen Guide

Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching. For those who’ve waited the last minute to plan the special date, fret no more. Chicago Healers Practitioner Martha Howard, M.D offers a variety of foods that would make a perfect feast for a romantic evening. Below is your Baker’s Dozen Guide of Aphrodisiac Foods for Valentine’s Day, including a preplanned menu.

• Chocolate: The Ultimate Aphrodisiac Food – Chocolate contains anandamide and phenylethylamine (PEA) which releases dopamine in the brain’s pleasure center, resulting in feelings of attraction, excitement and euphoric pleasure. It is no secret why the box of chocolates has been a customary Valentine’s gift!

• The Almond Joy – “Back in the old days” the scents of almonds was thought to arouse passion in women, and were regarded as fertility symbols. The “back in the day” people had the right idea. Almonds contain high levels of magnesium and vitamin E. Both of these supplements have been given to men and women going through IVF treatments and have increased fertilization rates from 19 to 29 percent.

• Arugula: It’s more than a garnish – Since the beginning of time, arugula has been used as an aphrodisiac. According to the Cambridge World History of Food, arugula was combined with grated orchid bulbs, parsnips, pine nuts and pistachios to make an ‘aphrodisiac mix.’

• Asparagus: The last supper – In 19th century France, on the eve of their wedding, grooms were served three courses of asparagus at their “bachelor” dinners. Asparagus contains folic acid which is known to boost histamine production notorious for enhancing performance on the wedding night.

• Avocado: The forbidden fruit – Catholic priests in Spain deemed avocados an outlawed food because they were thought to be so “obscenely sexual.” Avocado, like asparagus is high in folic acid which produces histamine. The fruit also has vitamin B6 and potassium, which calms the nerves and controls many body processes such as heart regulation.

• Bananas: Guilty by association – Bananas, like avocados and almonds, have potassium, B vitamins and magnesium. Its real claim to fame, however, is the bromeliad enzyme, which is traditionally known to boost male libido.

• Basil: Feed the senses – Basil not only makes food smell and taste better, it stimulates circulation causing the heart to beat faster.

• Figs: An Egyptian favorite – Cleopatra’s favorite fruit was thought to stimulate sexual arousal and increase fertility.

• Ginger: The aroma of desire – Ginger is another traditional aphrodisiac, because of its ability to increase circulation and desire.

• The Honey…moon – The word “honeymoon” comes from a custom in ancient Persia. Couples drank mead (liquor made from honey) daily for a month after marriage, to get them “in the mood.”

• Licorice: The love machine- In ancient China, it was believed that the smell of licorice would enhance feelings of love and lust.

• Oysters: It’s common knowledge – Oysters are the most celebrated of aphrodisiacs. Oysters have high zinc content. Zinc is known to help produce sperm and increase libido.

• Pine Nuts: Love potion number 9- Pine nuts have been used to stimulate the libido since medieval days. They are high in zinc, like oysters, and have been used for centuries in love potions.

Now that you have the ingredients, Dr. Howard provides you with the recipe that would ensure a romantic Valentine’s night!

• Appetizer: Oysters on the half shell

• Salad: Arugula, with figs, pine nuts, avocado, and a honey and ginger dressing

• Entrée: Spaghetti with tomato-basil sauce, with grilled asparagus

• Dessert: Chocolate¬ banana almond mousse

• After dinner mints: Licorice flavor

About Chicago Healers: Chicago Healers (www.ChicagoHealers.com) is the nation’s pioneer prescreened and integrative health care network, offering a comprehensive understanding of each practitioner’s services, approach and philosophy. Its holistic health experts teach and advocate natural and empowered health and life choices through their practices, the media, educational events, and the website. With close to 200 practitioners and over 300 treatment services, Chicago Healers has provided nearly 400 free educational events for Chicagoans and has been featured in 300+ TV news programs and print publications. For more information, visit www.ChicagoHealers.com.

This is Part Four of a four-part series on Living Authentically By Kathleen McIntire and Erin Cote

A lot of mothers will do anything for their children, except let them be themselves. Banksy

• Be as honest with your kids as you possibly can be without upsetting them with information too advanced for their ages. They can handle the truth when it’s expressed lovingly and in an age-appropriate way. Yes, Dad lost his job (but we won’t end up homeless). Yes, the shot will hurt a little (but only for a minute and it will be over).

• Are you perpetuating the myth of parental perfection? When you screw up, admit that you screwed up. Kids will respect and respond to your honesty.

• Pay attention to your child when he talks. Really listen. Tuning him out or humoring/half-listening sends the message that what he has to say is not important. Believe me, that’s a message he will hear loud and clear.

• Every day, make a sincere effort to truly engage your child. Turn off the TV, walk away from the computer, set aside the bills—and talk. When you don’t make it a priority, days and weeks can go by without a genuine connection…and you wake up one morning to realize you don’t know your own child.

• Parent from the heart. If it doesn’t feel good to you, it doesn’t matter if it’s what the “experts” swear by. You are you and your child is your child…your intuition will tell you what’s right for both of you.

• Pushing kids to be something they’re not hurts them and you. They need to live their dreams, not yours.

• Look for ways to honor your child’s gifts. Post the short story she wrote on your Facebook account. Or proudly show guests the Lego fort he built in his room. Tell friends (in her presence), “Meghan taught our dog how to sit, stay and fetch…she has a real gift connecting with animals!” Acknowledging what makes your child unique helps her shape a strong sense of self.

• Be truthful about your child’s shortcomings. Everyone has different strengths. If your child isn’t an academic superstar or a natural athlete, it’s okay. Focus on her strengths rather than trying to hide the truth about what you see as a weakness.

• With everything you do, narrate the “why.” You’re helping your kids understand that you make the choices you make based on a set of beliefs and values that make you, you.

• You’re not Parent of the Year (whatever that means!) and you never will be. Let yourself off the hook. You might not make it to every school event but there is plenty you do right. Focus on those things instead.

• Let the housework go. The struggle to maintain perfect order at all times is the ultimate denial of who we are: beautifully flawed human beings! Spend the time you would have spent mopping playing with your kids instead.

• Seize every opportunity to say, “I love you.” One day it will be your last chance.

About the Authors:

Kathleen McIntire is a transformational teacher, speaker, and healer who is dedicated to bringing forth truth, liberation, and awakening. She is the author and creator of Guiding Signs 101, a set of divination cards and guidebook using everyday road signs to tap into your intuition and own inner guidance.

Kathleen is the producer of two upcoming Mayan films. The first, Mayan Renaissance, is being made by PeaceJam, an international education program for youth built around leading Nobel Peace Laureates. The other film is The Unification of Wisdom and 2012. In the near future she will be a presenter on the Womens Empowerment (WE) Channel on the CANDO Networks. Kathleen’s website addresses are www.soaringinlight.com and www.guidingsigns101.com.

Erin Cote has been involved in creative design for over a decade. Her main focus is on bringing humor and playfulness to professional environments. Through Laughter Therapy she teaches others about the importance of play and laughter. As the founder of ULaugh, Erin conducts laughter presentations and workshops in Northern California for the public, businesses, and hospitals.

Together, Erin and Kathleen bring their talents of wisdom, design, and playfulness into the creation of Guiding Signs 101. Erin can be contacted through her website at: www.UlaughAlot.com or through www.GuidingSigns101.com.

Just in Time for Valentine’s Day!

The most romantic day of the year is rapidly approaching, and singles everywhere are cringing at the thought of another year of nervous meet-ups, awkward set-ups, and flat-out failed matches. And while the anxiety surrounding dating hasn’t changed much, the rules certainly have. Dating doesn’t have to be nerve-wracking, but it helps if you do a little pre-date preparation work—and that’s where Dating For Dummies®, 3rd Edition can help.

With new and updated content, author Dr. Joy Browne demystifies the whole dating process in Dating For Dummies, including all the information you’ll need for navigating the contemporary, social-media-driven dating scene where women and men Google potential dates beforehand, tweet after, and even meet on Facebook.

With dating advice for singletons in all stages of life (including baby boomers), you’ll get the confidence to date someone who is significantly older or younger, someone who has been previously married, or someone with children. And it helps you to remember the most important rule of dating: It’s meant to be fun!

Other helpful advice includes:

* Cupid Confidence Boosters: Tips for helping you meet, date, and start a relationship with Mr. or Ms. Right

* Will You Be Mine?: Tips for asking for a first date

* Beyond the Ice Breakers: Tips for brushing up on your flirting

* Surfing Safely: Tips for making safe dating connections online

* The Social Network Scene: Tips for using technology wisely when you’re dating

* Be a Dating Daredevil: Tips for dating with more confidence

Whether you’re looking for a be-mine valentine, a fun Saturday night date, or a happily-ever-after mate, Dating For Dummies is the guide for you!

About the Author: Dr. Joy Browne, PhD, is not only a dating guru, but also a licensed clinical psychologist who is the award-winning host of her own nationally and internationally syndicated radio talk show.

Every once in a while I take the liberty to promote one of my own products and services and with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I thought it would be a perfect time to share a book I wrote that never goes out of style.

Romance on a Budget: 199 Cheap Thrills, Romantic Antics and Love-Changing Experiences.  This book is a small hard cover keepsake book the two of you can enjoy reading together. And more importantly find out what each other prefers when it comes to Romantic Antics.

Being Romantic is about… being creative.

It’s about being willing to take a risk. Sometimes it’s being sweet. Sometimes it�s being silly.

Romance is about … the right attitude.

Romance isn’t about how much money you lavish on another. It’s about making dreams and fantasies come true. Romance is about the little things that make a BIG difference in a relationship.

The antics in Romance on a Budget are designed to inspire you, and spark your own creativity.

Some of the antics in Romance on a Budget include:

#18 Spray the perfume or cologne you wear on a light bulb. When the light is turned on the scent of you will fill the room.

#87 Celebrate Love Days every month such as March on over to your love and celebrate Share a Smile Day (Mar. 1st), Call her up on Telephone Day (Mar. 10th), Lips Appreciation Day (Mar. 16th), Flower Day (Mar. 21st ), and Make up your own Holiday Day (Mar. 26th).

#5 – Recipes for making Whippy Do – that can lead to Whoopie!

#138, 139 and 140 – Recipes for Love Potion #9 and so much more…

Romance on a Budget is filled with 199 cheap thrills, romantic antics and love-changing experiences to add ignite your souls, without spending a fortune. Whether you’re a man or a woman, you’ll find many ideas to Raise the Romance Meter in Romance on a Budget.  Want to lead a happier, more love-filled life? Want to bring more passion into your relationship?

Order Your Copy of Romance on a Budget and save $7 Today!

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picture of couple in relationship

Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another’s personhood. Karen Kasey

• Ask yourself “Am I married to the right person…or am I just married?”

• State your intention. Do you intend to stay married and make it work? Then do what it takes to make it happen…or get a divorce.

• End the blame game. If you’re blaming your partner for your unhappiness, you’re denying your own power. We can’t control what others do, but we can control how we respond to it and whether or not we’ll continue to live with it.

• Tell the truth about something you’ve been stewing over. Tell it gently and lovingly, expressing what took place and how you feel: angry or sad or betrayed or conflicted. Make it an “I” statement versus a “You” statement. Own your feelings, they are yours. Then offer a suggestion on how to make the situation work for the both of you. This will turn the focus on a solution and keep you both from getting stuck on the problem.

• Rock the boat. It can be good to upset the status quo in your relationship—especially if the status quo is causing seething resentment. Go where you want to go on vacation for a change…or plan an outing with girlfriends on his “golf day”….or paint your office the shade of green that he dislikes (but that you love). Let the chips fall where they may.

• Are you letting your partner live an authentic life? If you’re doing something to manipulate or control him or her, it’s time to stop. When people are allowed to be who they are, they often blossom.

• It’s usually a mistake to expect people to change lifelong habits that you don’t like. They won’t. And anyway, who are you to insist they change to please you?

• It’s not about winning. As the old saying goes, Would you rather be right or be happy?

• Have you ever heard it said, “Don’t fight force with force”? It’s a MARTIAL arts principle that can also be a MARITAL arts principle! Sometimes yielding, or flowing around the barrier like a river, is the best way to get what you need.

• Seize every opportunity to say, “I love you.” One day it will be your last chance.

About the Authors:

Kathleen McIntire is a transformational teacher, speaker, and healer who is dedicated to bringing forth truth, liberation, and awakening. She is the author and creator of Guiding Signs 101, a set of divination cards and guidebook using everyday road signs to tap into your intuition and own inner guidance.

Kathleen is the producer of two upcoming Mayan films. The first, Mayan Renaissance, is being made by PeaceJam, an international education program for youth built around leading Nobel Peace Laureates. The other film is The Unification of Wisdom and 2012. In the near future she will be a presenter on the Womens Empowerment (WE) Channel on the CANDO Networks. Kathleen’s website addresses are www.soaringinlight.com and www.guidingsigns101.com.

Erin Cote has been involved in creative design for over a decade. Her main focus is on bringing humor and playfulness to professional environments. Through Laughter Therapy she teaches others about the importance of play and laughter. As the founder of ULaugh, Erin conducts laughter presentations and workshops in Northern California for the public, businesses, and hospitals.

Together, Erin and Kathleen bring their talents of wisdom, design, and playfulness into the creation of Guiding Signs 101. Erin can be contacted through her website at: www.UlaughAlot.com or through www.GuidingSigns101.com.

In Part Four the Authors Share  tips to Authentic Parenting

Cinderella Ate My Daughter for WEMagazine - Women of a Certain Age by Marcia Barhydt

Excuse me; could you give me a boost? I need to get up on my high horse here?

I’ve just finished reading an amazing book that struck every note in my keyboard…Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein. If you believe in Cinderella now, you won’t when you finish this book and what’s more, you’ll be in a much more capable space to survive this stage in your daughters’ lives.

With the full impact of the Feminist Movement in the 1960s, we were all pretty clear that the stereotype girlie girl that we were raised to be had been replaced by a competent, confident new age girl.

At work, we began to chip away at the glass ceiling and more and more of us were able to transcend that hurdle. At home, we began to step out of our role model roles and encouraged our husbands to do the same.

Women now cut the lawn, took out the garbage, both traditionally male tasks, and men began to do laundry, cook the family meal, both traditionally female tasks.

Little girls wore pants to kindergarten or pre-school and they were encouraged to attempt any physical endeavour that caught their eye. Little boys started taking gymnastics, little girls started playing baseball.

Feminism seemed to be working, one small step at a time.

And then, writer Peggy Orenstein wrote her latest book, Cinderella Ate My Daughter.

Ms. Orenstein is a wonderful writer. Going through the pages of her book was like sitting down for coffee together. She’s incredibly well informed about her topic, without being pompous.

And if I were to get to the bottom line about her book, she feels that we have a challenge to find a balance between feminism and femininity. And this balancing is done on a very fine tightrope.

From Canadian bookseller Chapters…” pink and pretty or predatory and hardened, sexualized girlhood influences our daughters from infancy onward, telling them that how a girl looks matters more than who she is. Somewhere between the exhilarating rise of Girl Power in the 1990s and today, the pursuit of physical perfection has been recast as a source-the source-of female empowerment. And commercialization has spread the message faster and farther, reaching girls at ever-younger ages.”

So the solution then becomes a personal choice for every parent. Can we refuse to allow our daughters the thrill of playing dress-up, princess style? Can we refuse to allow our daughters the opportunity to play with sexy Barbie instead giving them flat chested Cindy? That’s what I did when my daughters were first entering this stage. I shake my head now about my altruism and naivety because I now believe that some girlie-girl is essential for all of us.

Ms. Orenstein points out the negatives too – obsession with physical beauty including model-like perfection of face, hair and body. But she also acknowledges that we don’t want our daughters to grow up with no femininity of character.

Personally, I know that I truly believed in Cinderella and that one day a prince would find me and take me away to a charmed life. Sadly, I believed that until near the end of my teens. Sigh.

But isn’t it ok to dream? Isn’t it ok to imagine a beautiful life? Can’t we allow our daughters to dip a toe into this dreamland without worrying that it may taint their sexuality in future years? Isn’t it ok to take a whimsical break from the responsibility of life? Isn’t it ok to just have fun sometimes?

I’m a woman of a certain age and I’m certain that Cinderella can be part of a girl’s balanced life.

©Marcia Barhydt, 2012

AUTHENTIC FRIENDSHIPS – Part Two of a Four Part Series by Kathleen McIntire and Erin Cote

We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversations with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk.

Thomas Moore, PhD

• Learn to say no. Sometimes it takes an authentic no (to something you don’t want to do) to say an authentic yes (to something you long to do). Unless you’re the clown or the balloon maker, does it really matter if you don’t go to the party? If you see it as an obligation, bow out lovingly and stay home and rest—ah, rest!—instead.

• Also, learn to say yes when your heart guides you to. Be flexible and fun. So what if you “should” (there’s that word again!) stay home and clean? When a good friend invites you to dinner on the spur of the moment, drop everything and go. We rarely regret heart-inspired action!

• Gently tell the truth. Of course you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but don’t withhold crucial insights to spare them, either. (“I think you have a drinking problem” may hurt her feelings, but if you believe the words are in her best interest, don’t you have to say them?)

• Be vulnerable. Show your insecurities. Admit that your house is a wreck, or your marriage is struggling, or you don’t know how to roast the turkey. People will be more willing to open up and be authentic with you because they’ll see that you’re human.

• Allow your friends to be vulnerable, too. Let them feel their feelings. When you argue with them or try to “fix” it for them, you deny the authenticity of their experience.

• If it makes you uncomfortable, say so. If your friends never bring money to dinner and you always end up paying the tab, confront them (lovingly) with the truth.

• Be sensitive to what is convenient to the other person. Sometimes what’s convenient for you doesn’t work so well for them. (If a busy working mother lets you borrow a hundred dollars in cash, pay her back in cash—don’t write a check. When is she going to have time to get to the bank?)

• Practice and expect reciprocity. We’re all in different cycles at different times, so this should be measured in terms of years, not weeks or months. However, if you find that a friend seems to only take, limit the time you spend with her.

• It’s okay not to be “nice.” Real friends would rather you speak your truth than pretend or deny or try to please and impress. Little girls are not sugar and spice and everything nice…and neither are grown women.

• Surround yourself with authentic friends. If you don’t have any, set an intention to find your tribe. Join a reading circle or a knitting group or a hiking club or a food co-op. Volunteer for a cause you’re passionate about. Be open to the people you meet. Likeminded people will find you as if by magic.

• It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known each other. If the friendship isn’t meeting your needs, move on.

• Lighten the load for someone else when you can.

• Seize every opportunity to say, “I love you.” One day it will be your last chance.

About the Authors:

Kathleen McIntire is a transformational teacher, speaker, and healer who is dedicated to bringing forth truth, liberation, and awakening. She is the author and creator of Guiding Signs 101, a set of divination cards and guidebook using everyday road signs to tap into your intuition and own inner guidance.

Kathleen is the producer of two upcoming Mayan films. The first, Mayan Renaissance, is being made by PeaceJam, an international education program for youth built around leading Nobel Peace Laureates. The other film is The Unification of Wisdom and 2012. In the near future she will be a presenter on the Womens Empowerment (WE) Channel on the CANDO Networks. Kathleen’s website addresses are www.soaringinlight.com and www.guidingsigns101.com.

Erin Cote has been involved in creative design for over a decade. Her main focus is on bringing humor and playfulness to professional environments. Through Laughter Therapy she teaches others about the importance of play and laughter. As the founder of ULaugh, Erin conducts laughter presentations and workshops in Northern California for the public, businesses, and hospitals.

Together, Erin and Kathleen bring their talents of wisdom, design, and playfulness into the creation of Guiding Signs 101. Erin can be contacted through her website at: www.UlaughAlot.com or through www.GuidingSigns101.com.

In Part Three the Authors talk about Authentic Marriage and Relationships

Tips for Successful Women Fed Up with Kissing Frogs

Both women and men are waiting longer and longer to get married for the first time, according to the Census Bureau, and fewer women are having babies before their 40th birthdays, the Centers for Disease Control reports. Interestingly, more and more women are having babies well into their 40s. Could it be that it has become more difficult for couples to connect romantically?

“Women are likely to be more independent and professionally successful than they were a generation or two ago, and that’s wonderful, but it can come with baggage,” says Jane Atkinson, author of The Frog Whisperer: A Three-Step Approach to Finding Lasting Love (www.frogwhisperer.com). “We’re less likely to think about the energy we’re putting out to others, particularly the opposite sex, and that energy has a lot to do with how people react to us.”

Atkinson says finding Mr. or Ms. Right requires taking your eyes off of work and focusing on yourself more. What can you do to become the person you would want to date? She offers some tips for finding “the one.”

• Figure out what you’re looking for. Have you thought hard about what kind of person you’re looking for? One trick is to visualize your perfect day. Are you at the beach? Traveling? Is the man with you quiet or chatty? Is the woman serious or funny? Does he want children? Does she go to church? This will help you identify the characteristics and values of your Mr. or Ms. Right so you can recognize them when he or she comes along.

• Get happy in your own head. Once again, it’s all about attraction. Putting out positive, confident energy will attract the same. Besides, it’s never a good idea to rely on other people to make us happy. If you need to recover from old hurts, lose weight or find a job, take care of that business first.

• Think you’re ready? Test yourself with this quick quiz.

1. Are you happy with yourself? (Or are you miserable because you’ve put on 50 pounds since your divorce?)

2. Are you looking for someone to rescue you or take care of you? (If you answer “yes” to this one, you may not be ready.)

3. Is there room in your life for a relationship? (Or do you have three kids and work a 60-hour week?)

4. Has enough time passed since your last relationship? (Or are you still wounded?)

• Now, get yourself fabulous. Rather than, “Why can’t I find a good man?” ask yourself, “Who do I need to become to attract the man (or woman) who is perfect for me?” It’s not about changing you; it’s about being your best you. Part of that is your mojo – your self-esteem. If your mojo is slipping, you’ll attract control freaks, players and jerks. Pump it up with a makeover, a workout, a sincere inventory of your attributes. (Find more mojo-boosters at www.selfmotivationresources.com/selfesteemboosters.php.)

• Get out there! Put on your sexy jeans get yourself out the door. Where to start looking? If you enjoy working with your hands, volunteer for a Habitat for Humanity project. If you’ve always wanted to learn Italian, take a class. If you love to do yoga, check out a new studio (ladies, you’ll find a surprising number of guys there.) Perhaps you find a new church or take a class on Buddhism. The list of meeting spots for singles is a long one: bookstores, dance clubs, supper clubs, book clubs, gyms, golf courses, rowing clubs, dog parks.

Atkinson’s tips come from real-life experience. At 40, she realized she’d been kissing a lot of frogs and found not one prince. She applied the model she developed for her business, tweaked it and came up with “Frog Whisperer” – and a prince of a husband.

About Jane Atkinson

Jane Atkinson is the author of The Frog Whisperer and The Frog Whisperer Journal as well as a Positive Practice audio CD to help women (and men) get mentally ready for meeting their perfect mate. She lives in London, Ontario, with her husband of four years, John.