Tell us about your business.

FYFM is a revolutionary new dating website which employs facial recognition software and a proprietary algorithm designed to offer singles potential partners who are scientifically more likely to ignite sustainable passion and chemistry. The site is predicated on the theory that people are more attracted to those who share similar facial features to their own. There is ample scientific data supporting the theory and we hope to create matches which contain a major ingredient for longevity: romantic attraction.

Please tell us what being a business owner means to you and why you became an entrepreneur in the first place?

My new business is a direct outgrowth of my old passion. I have observed couples for over twenty years and all the anecdotal and scientific evidence support the theory that, regardless of race, ethnicity, or gender, couples who have the most passion most often share a facial feature similarity. Of course, the chemistry needs to be buttressed by complementary values and style. I have personal experience with being with a wonderful partner with whom I had no chemistry and I know how important chemistry is to longevity. I wanted to create a website which would educate the population about the validity of this theory so that they would make better choices, ones that lead to long term happiness and compatibility. It is my life’s mission to help people find love and combine that love with the chemistry that can so often be elusive.

What or who has been your greatest influence in business and why?

A good friend of mine started a small business many years ago and his passion, commitment and integrity were inspiring. I watched him meticulously grow his business into a multi-million dollar enterprise, one that employed hundreds of people and provided concrete opportunities for many. I witnessed his strategizing and planning and was impressed by how focused and organized he is. He was a great motivator for me and remains an important influence.

What would you say is your greatest professional accomplishment to date?

FYFM began as a simple idea that I formulated over 20 years. I was able to fund the business, and mobilize and direct a team that has created a company and a fully functional website in less than 18 months.

What’s the best advice you have received in business that you wish to pass on to our readers?

I would share the importance of collaboration. As CEO, I respect and engage my team, seeking their ideas and input. We work collectively and it’s often the blended ideas that are most effective.

What has been the most effective marketing initiatives or programs you have used to promote your business?

A series of PR events which served to bring attention to FYFM, beginning with a remarkable story in New York Magazine and including a massive mistletoe event during the holidays, during which we invited couples at a major New York City cross-roads to kiss beneath the nation’s biggest mistletoe. It was a festive and romantic all day event which generated significant media coverage for our company and delivered upwards of $20,000 in donations for Operation Smile, a non-profit which offers facial surgeries to children with cleft palates.

What one thing have you learned as a small business owner that has served you well over the years?

In work and in life, I learned that patience is imperative. Losing one’s patience just creates tension and stress and so I have learned, via parenting and the business, to stay patient and keep a sense of humor.

Are there any resources or tools you’d like to share with other small business owners that have helped you run your business?

Have a well-rounded staff made up of people with different and complementary skills. I have a dedicated staff of people who bring many talents to the job and it makes the office more efficient and the company more successful.

Do you have any new projects coming up (or have you just completed a big project ~ reached a milestone, etc.)? If so, please tell us about it.

Along with some summer events we’re hosting, we are completing an improved algorithm designed to be more effective and generate more matches.

What do you do for fun/relaxation?

I enjoy socializing with good friends and family over a meal or drink. And I like cinema and reading, but I am never really not working because I obsessively observe couples, in person and in the media. I am always on the lookout for faces and couples who evince our theory.

What is Number One Business Goal you plan to accomplish over the next year?

We need to generate many more users for our database (facebase) so that users have a much better experience. We’d like to increase our membership tenfold in the coming year, from 50,000 to 500,000 members, to offer more options and opportunities to find real love.

You want to write a book on …

“Love and My Life.” My personal experience with marriage and divorce has been so illuminating that I’d love to share it with others, particularly single women who might benefit from knowing my story and others like it.

Is there anything else you’d like to share with our readers?

Choosing a partner is one of the most important and meaningful decisions a person can make. Love and sharing are the foundations for a happy peaceful life and we really want to help people access their greatest personal potential.

What’s the best way for our readers to connect with you?

www.findyourfacemate.com

www.facebook.com/findyourfacemate

www.youtube.com/user/FindYourFacemate

http://facematcher.wordpress.com/

flowers for mom

274 Million U.S. Mobile Subscribers Plan on Reaching out to Mom on Mother’s Day, According New Survey from Rebtel - Study Shows that Women are Much More Likely to Give Mom a Gift, and Plan to Spend More Time Talking

Rebtel, the world’s largest mobile VoIP company after Skype, today announced results from a new Mother’s Day survey, which polled U.S. mobile users on their holiday intentions.

According the study, 83.4% of U.S. adults plan on getting in touch with their mom this mother’s day (other than in-person), which is representative of approximately 274 million Americans. The study also showed that mobile phone via traditional carrier minutes is the overwhelming favorite method at 72.7%, followed by VoIP calling (via PC or app) 11.9%, then Landline 11% and video chat (3%), followed by email (.8%). Social Networks, IM, and SMS were the least popular choices registering below .3%.

Are Women More Likely to Show Mom Some Love?

The results showed some notable differences between men and women, namely women (76.2%) are much more likely to get their mom a gift than Men (65.9%) and plan to spend more time talking. 42.5% of Women responded by saying they plan to spend 30 mins or more speaking with their mom on mother’s day, whereas only 34.8% of responded with the intention of doing so.

The study also showed that 20% plan on spending less on communications than last year, but of those who plan to spend less, 45.7% attribute the lower spending to the use of free/cheap messaging apps for calling.

Rebtel’s Mother’s Day survey survey was conducted during the first week of May using SurveyMonkey, an online survey service, which polled 723 U.S. mobile users.

*Note: According to the trade organization CTIA, there were approximately 328 million wireless service subscribers in the U.S. in 2011.

About Rebtel: Rebtel is the world’s largest mobile VoIP Company after Skype. Today, the company is growing rapidly with more than 15 million callers in 54 countries with a run rate of over 1 billion minutes per year. The company is on pace to hit $85 million in revenue at the end of 2012. Rebtel users call through smartphone or desktop apps or any other phone to make free or cheap international calls. For more information, or to start using Rebtel, go to www.rebtel.com.

Here’s a few of the higlights:

–84% of U.S. Mobile Subscribers (274M) Plan on Reaching Out to their Mom this Mother’s Day

–Women (76%) are much more likely to get mom a gift than men (66%)

–Over 40% of women (42%) plan on talking to their moms more than 30 minutes, whereas only 35% of men plan on doing so.

–Mobile phone is by far the most popular method of reaching out with nearly three out of four respondents (72.7%) preferring that method; with VoIP (via services like Skype, Viber or Rebtel) –beating out Landlines, (12% vs 11%); followed by video chat (3%), and email (.8%).

Couple Offers Tips for Love and Happiness (Hint: Fun Matters)

Barack and Michelle do it. Brad and Angelina do it. John and Yoko did it. How?

As the divorce rate hovers near an estimated 50 percent in the United States, many blame career stress as a major cause of separations. But somehow some couples grow stronger, especially when they work together.

One couple who have worked together for nearly a decade in the stressful world of theater, producing Off-Broadway plays, has decided to share their secrets.

“In part, it is because we work together that our bond has strengthened after 10 years of marriage,” says Jamillah Lamb, co-author along with her husband, David, of Perfect Combination: Seven Key Ingredients to Happily Living & Loving Together.

The couple has worked together professionally in their stage company, Between The Lines Productions, Inc., for nine years. But the Lambs say even couples who aren’t business partners are working together every day; because being in any relationship requires negotiating, compromising, and decision-making. Just think about the last time you had to decide whose mother’s house you were going to for Christmas or where you were going to go for vacation or even which movie you were going to see last weekend.

“We get more opportunity to grow together because, between home and work, we’re making 100 decisions a day instead of 10,” Jamillah says.

The couple live by their guiding rule, “Love like kids, act like adults.”

“That means to love freely and completely, without a fortress around your heart, and behave responsibly,” David says.

A crucial ingredient for any successful marriage is friendship, the Lambs say. Here are some of their tips:

• Enjoy life: Some couples won’t go to theme parks until they have children. But letting one’s inner child out to play with their partner’s inner child strengthens a relationship’s bond.

• Forgive the small stuff: No one is always right, and no one wants to be around someone who always needs to be right.

• Appreciate individuality: Everyone needs to have their own identity, including those in a long-term relationship and couples who work together. David enjoys his comic book collection, while Jamillah keeps a library of romance novels.

• Do not misdirect anger: In psychology, it’s called transference; dumping your bad day on someone else. It is poison for any relationship.

• Remember your love: Couples may fight, but guard what you say. There’s no need for ugliness even when you disagree.

Couples need to remember relationships take work, but they can also be a blast of fun, David says.

“Love is worth the sacrifice,” they agree. “Today, with stories of celebrity couples walking away after only days of marriage and even more people living as though sacrifice is nearly a curse word, we say: ‘It’s worth the sacrifice.’ For us, it means that we are willing to give up something that we thought was valuable or important for something even more important: love and our happiness.”

Love is, in part, the acknowledgement and deep appreciation for another human being, Jamillah says.

“Couples should never take each other for granted,” she advises. “In love, as in business, everyone wants to be appreciated. The simplest gesture can go a long way to help your significant other feel like they are making a significant contribution to your life, your family, or your business.”

David and Jamillah Lamb have been married for 10 years. They founded and have run Between The Lines Productions, Inc. since 2003. Born and raised in Queens, N.Y., David attended the Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs at Princeton University and New York University School of Law. He is the playwright of “Platanos y Collard Greens.” Jamillah Lamb grew up in the same Chicago neighborhood as first lady Michelle Obama. She earned her master’s degree in public policy at Harvard. Together they wrote Perfect Combination: Seven Key Ingredients to Happily Living & Loving to share what they have learned as successful partners in love and in business.They live in Brooklyn with their daughter.

Why Happiness Depends on Banishing Envy from Your Life…and How You Can Get Started Now

On St. Patrick’s Day, we’re all focused on green. But throughout the rest of the year, green—specifically, the green-eyed monster—isn’t something that will do you much good.

Todd Patkin shares tips to help you feel less envy…and more happiness.

When St. Patrick’s Day rolls around, you just can’t escape green. Even if you don’t wear it (and want to risk getting pinched), it’s still everywhere from store windows to menu specials to parades on TV. But that’s okay—on March 17th, green is good. “Irish” green is associated with happiness, celebrations, shamrocks, and the Emerald Isle. Too bad that’s not the case the other 364 days of the year!

According to Todd Patkin, most of us normally experience green in a much more negative way: through envy. And that’s definitely not a good thing.

“Being in the clutches of the green-eyed monster can really sabotage your overall happiness,” says Patkin, author of Finding Happiness: One Man’s Quest to Beat Depression and Anxiety and—Finally—Let the Sunshine In. “That’s because envy makes you focus on what you don’t have instead of all of the great things you do have.”

Patkin points out that social media has really exacerbated the extent to which envy affects our lives. Think about it: Sites like Twitter and Facebook allow people to live their lives in full view of others…and sugarcoat every aspect of them. When you log on, you’re bound to see pictures and posts that read, “Most beautiful wedding ever!” “This was a dream vacation in paradise!” or “Drinks on me—I just got a promotion!”

The bottom line is, jealousy doesn’t do anybody any good. It makes you feel needlessly unhappy, and it can negatively affect your relationship with others. Here are six of Patkin’s tips to help you banish envy the next time it starts to rear its ugly head:

Admit that envy is a problem. To some extent, envy is natural. You can’t go through your life without feeling jealous from time to time. So first, simply take note of when and why the green-eyed monster makes an appearance. (You may not even have consciously realized what you’re feeling!) Specifically, be aware of how strong your emotions are and what effect they have on your attitude and behavior.

“You don’t have to take your emotional temperature every five minutes, but being generally aware of the role envy plays in your life can really make a difference in your behavior,” Patkin says. “For instance, if you’re carrying around a lot of anger toward a coworker because the boss liked his project proposal instead of yours, it could be making you unnecessarily snarky, critical, and negative. That means that you’re ruining your own day and hurting your performance…and you might also be burning some office bridges you’ll regret later!”

Remember that “happiness” looks different for everyone. When you’re constantly comparing yourself to the Joneses, you’ll suffer several unintended consequences. First, worrying about how you don’t measure up robs you of your present happiness. Plus, it leaves you unable to think about how you really want your own life to look.

“We talk about the American dream of a house, a pool, two cars in the garage, and the proverbial white picket fence,” Patkin explains. “But the truth is, the same cookie-cutter mold doesn’t work for everybody! The lifestyle that makes your neighbor or your cousin or your dentist happy might not work for you. And if that’s the case, who cares if it’s flashier, more glamorous, or ‘cooler’? Trust me, when you give yourself permission to live your life on your terms instead of letting others set the bar (and feeling jealous as a result), you might be surprised by how good you already have it.”

Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Yes, living with an “attitude of gratitude” is a clichéd concept. But infusing it into your life will also totally change your viewpoint…especially if you have a chronic case of “the envies.” The fact is, it’s very easy to take things for granted: the information your coworker emailed you, the fact that your car is running, and even the food you’re eating for dinner. Most of us have gotten into the habit of ignoring all of the good things in our lives, and instead, we focus our mental energy on being upset about what’s wrong. But Patkin promises that it can be a true game changer when you reverse the time you spend thinking about each.

“Over the course of my life, I have learned that it’s smarter to thank others because of how they make your life better instead of secretly resenting them because they have something you don’t,” he claims. “And yes, it does take a while to make this change in how you habitually think. To start tapping into the power of gratitude, just say ‘thanks’ to the people who help you out during your day. (You might even work up to writing thank-you notes, as I do.) And beyond that, try to notice all of the blessings in your life. For me, my wonderful wife and extraordinary son top the list, as well as the fact that I finally get to do what I love—help others live happier lives. In time, you’ll start to notice that most of your envy has miraculously left the building.”

Focus on others…but in a different way. If you have an hour or so of free time, you could spend it by trawling Facebook (and maybe watching a reality show that highlights the lifestyles of the rich and famous in the background). At the end of that hour, you’ll probably feel dissatisfied with your own lot in life, if you’re not outright angry at how “good” other people have it. Or, you could spend your free time helping your kids build a fort in the backyard, using your financial know-how to help a friend set up a much-needed budget, or even volunteering at a local organization that needs an extra pair of hands.

“If you choose the second option, you’ll be a lot happier—guaranteed,” Patkin promises. “Instead of focusing on how much you think your life sucks, focus on how you can use your strengths to help others’ lives be better. It will take the same amount of time but will be so much more uplifting and productive. We all have a choice: We can choose to look to the right and see people who have ‘more,’ or we can choose to look to the left and see others who aren’t as fortunate…and whom we can tangibly help. I firmly believe that the greatest fulfillment in life comes not from satisfying ourselves, but from helping others.”

Be generous. You’ve heard the saying, “The more you give, the more you receive.” Well, that goes for happiness, gratitude, help, friendship, and more! When you are generous with these things, you’ll invite them back into your life, too. People who are positive, supportive, and loving experience life very differently from those who are jealous and negative.

“Here’s an easy example of what I mean,” recounts Patkin. “Say your friend just got engaged, and you’re still looking for your own Mr. (or Ms.) Right. It’s okay to feel a twinge of jealousy at first. But instead of feeding the fire by scowling at a newly posted album of engagement photos and wishing that you too could change your relationship status to ‘engaged,’ call your friend and congratulate her! You’ll have to acknowledge that she didn’t say ‘yes’ with the intention of making you feel bad, and you’ll probably also hang up the phone feeling happy for her.”

Pay more attention to the little things. If you think about it, a lot of us experience envy over the “big” things: relationships, wealth, career opportunities, vacations, houses, etc. But it’s also true that all of our happiness doesn’t come from, say, getting a new car—a lot of it also comes from a variety of little things that add up.

“Take a few minutes and think about what makes you happy on a day-to-day basis,” Patkin advises. “It might be eating a delicious meal, taking a few minutes to read a chapter in your latest book, or taking a walk with your spouse. Then, make an effort to incorporate those things into your life as often as you can. Think about it this way: You can’t give yourself a promotion at work, but you can definitely get yourself a yummy cup of coffee on your way into the office. When you let the little things make you happy more often, there will be less room for envy to creep in.”

“Don’t underestimate the insidious power of envy,” Patkin concludes. “If you allow it to take root in your life, it will bring you only bitterness, isolation, and disappointment. But the good news is, it really is in your power to take charge of the green-eyed monster. Just remember, if you always try to focus on what is going well in your life, you will feel much more balanced and look back on your life with much less regret. I promise, taking gradual steps to banish jealousy will make you happier each and every day!”

Todd Patkin, author of Finding Happiness: One Man’s Quest to Beat Depression and Anxiety and—Finally—Let the Sunshine In, grew up in Needham, Massachusetts. After graduating from Tufts University, he joined the family business and spent the next eighteen years helping to grow it to new heights. After it was purchased by Advance Auto Parts in 2005, he was free to focus on his main passions: philanthropy and giving back to the community, spending time with family and friends, and helping more people learn how to be happy. Todd lives with his wonderful wife, Yadira, their amazing son, Josh, and two great dogs, Tucker and Hunter.

….Than someone with a pretty/handsome face like Megan Fox or Alex Rodriguez

New smart USA Survey Shows Preference for a Right-Sized Lifestyle Over Conspicuous Consumption

In the age-old battle of bigger vs. better and brains vs. brawn, score one for better and smarter. smart USA and Harris Interactive today released results from a survey that found Americans deeply value smarts over looks and hold the belief that less, not more, is more.

The survey, which was conducted online in December among more than 2,000 Americans aged 18 and older, found that for all the talk about reality television and celebrities behaving badly, the majority of Americans (88%) — both young and old, male and female — would prefer to date a person who is intelligent and philanthropic like George Clooney or Reese Witherspoon, over someone with a pretty/handsome face like Megan Fox or Alex Rodriguez.

The smart USA survey also found that:

• Nearly 7 out of 10 (69%) Americans would prefer their spouse to speak another language than have washboard abs

• Almost 3 in 5 (59%) Americans would rather have their partner gain 20 I.Q. points than lose 20 pounds

• An astonishing 95% of women and 80% of men would prefer to date someone who is smart and philanthropic like Reese Witherspoon or George Clooney than someone with a pretty/handsome face like Megan Fox or Alex Rodriguez

While the last decade is often seen as a period of gluttonous consumption, McMansions, and Super-Size meals, the old adage that less is more seems to be ringing true in today’s post-recession era . The survey found that three out of four Americans prefer to receive a present in a small package over a large one. Those who thought bigger was better tended to be young, a preference that shrinks as people get older and wiser (34% of Americans age 18-34 preferred bigger presents compared to 22% of those age 45-54 and 17% of those age 55+).

Overall, on the subject of preferring less over more:

• 97% of Americans believe that at least some of the items in their household are junk (i.e., they could easily get rid of it)

• Nearly one out of 10 (9%) Americans believe they can part with a full half of their stuff

• 9% of Americans believe that 51-100% of the items in their household are junk, indicating that the supposed American obsession with size and quantity is overstated

“The fact that a majority of Americans are deeply concerned with right-sizing their lifestyles and making intelligent choices shows why smart has so much curb appeal today,” says smart USA General Manager Tracey Matura. “People are rethinking whether bigger is actually better and focusing instead on value. They’re looking at how they can cut down the clutter in their lives, whether in their choice of vehicle, home or other purchases, so they have fewer, better things rather than simply more, more, more. And smart is proof that good things do come in small packages.”

Survey Methodology

This survey was conducted online within the United States by Harris Interactive on behalf of Smart from December 6-8, 2011 among 2,246 adults ages 18 and older. This online survey is not based on a probability sample and therefore no estimate of theoretical sampling error can be calculated. For complete survey methodology, including weighting variables, please contact terry.wei@mbusa.com.

About smart: smart, a Daimler AG brand, has its U.S. headquarters in Montvale, New Jersey. The smart model-line consists of five for two models: the pure coupe, passion coupe, passion cabriolet and all electric drive versions of the coupe and cabriolet. The unique models which are classified as ultra-low emissions vehicles by the State of California Air Resources Board are just under nine feet long, 5 feet tall and 5 feet wide. Despite their microcar exterior dimensions, smart vehicles are surprisingly roomy inside and have a full array of technological features including the patented tridion safety cell which is designed to protect occupants in the event of a collision. All smart vehicles, designed to be 85% recyclable and over 95% reclaimable, are produced in the environmentally oriented “smartville” factory in Hambach, France. Over 48,000 smarts have been sold in the U.S. to date. Additional information on smart can be found at www.smartusa.com

Any Time of the Year 

So many people go searching for their true love in nightclubs, singles clubs, through online dating sites and among friends of friends. The truth is, finding true love starts right in your own home – or, more accurately, in your own heart.

Before you can find true love in a relationship, you must find it within yourself.

Here are three simple ways to attain true love for you, yourself, and your life as a whole. You’ll be amazed at how quickly romantic love will follow.

• Be thankful for everything (including your mistakes). Learn to be thankful for the good things in your life. That will help you appreciate all the small things and give you a happier, positive outlook (which, by the way, is very attractive.) Be thankful for your mistakes, too. Everything in your life, both the triumphs and the stumbles, shape us as people. Mistakes are valuable learning experiences and, when viewed as such and appreciated, regrets and bitterness of yesterday will fade away. Peace and love will enter in to your life immediately!

• Forgive others so that you can forgive yourself. Forgiving is as much for you as it is for the person who did you wrong. For starters, when you can forgive others, you can forgive yourself. Some of us are harder on ourselves than anyone else would ever be. We need to be as forgiving of our own faults and misdeeds as we are other people’s. Holding onto anger and resentment, whether it’s directed at someone else or ourselves, robs us of opportunities for joy. Truly forgive whoever’s hurt you – you don’t have to like them! – and fully experience happiness.

• Find enjoyment and satisfaction in every day. Strive to find the happiness in your average, workaday life. For most of us, a typical Friday will be a much happier day than a typical Monday, but live each average Monday to its fullest as you would live each fun Friday to the fullest! If you strive to live in love each day, then you will have no regrets. There are many more average days than holidays and vacations – don’t waste them! Find satisfaction in your work, enjoy the process of doing a good job and learning new skills, and every day will be an abundance of joy.

In my book, The Good News: How Revealing Delusions In Christianity Will Bring Peace To All, I lay out the numerous biblical instructions to love, forgive and be grateful. If we each apply these simple teachings to our own lives, no matter what our religion, we’ll create a happier world.

To both the people with a special someone and those without – be thankful. Love and happiness come from within, not from another person. We all have something to celebrate, not only at Valentine’s Day but all year long.

Shay Dawkins is a Tuscaloosa, Alabama, businessman who grew up in Baptist and Pentecostal churches. His observances about how Christianity can be divisive despite being based on one book led to his analysis of the Bible. Check out his YouTube video, “Why It Should Be About Love, Not Religion.”

Happy International Woman’s Day to all the Strong Women …

Today I have been contemplating the amazing gifts I have been given. And am grateful. For being a woman. And for having so many women to call my friend.

Because WE Magazine for Women is all about “inspiring women in business and in life,” today I dedicate WE Magazine To all the women in the world, who are an inspiration to me and to others around the globe. Than you for sharing your strength with us!

“I am a woman in process.
I’m just trying like everybody else.
I try to take every conflict, every experience, and learn from it.
Life is never dull.”
Oprah Winfrey

May today not be just another day, but a day of celebration, as you celebrate all the women in your life, remember to celebrate you!

Thank you to each of you who have been there for me as we travel this journey together. Remember that you are never alone as long as you have a woman to call a friend!

Warmest regards,

Heidi 

By Jane Atkinson

Recently, it was reported that Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger’s advice was to “dumb it down” if you wanted to snag your man.

Really?

Is this what fabulous, intelligent women are reduced to these days…. games?

Ya, I’m gonna pass on the millionaire, Patti, especially if he’s looking for a vacuous bimbette to serve as arm candy.

And gentlemen, I would be surprised if you weren’t questioning this as well. If you’re going to spend the next 20, 30 or 40 years with someone, wouldn’t you like to have an intelligent conversation once in awhile?

FULL DISCLOSURE: On my path to finding my perfect partner, on many occasions I thought, “What am I doing wrong?” In sheer frustration, I’m pretty sure I might have tried something as ridiculous as dumbing it down.

Fortunately, it dawned on me right around my 40th birthday.

I wasn’t truly open to love; I was way too comfy and safe in my stylish little condo built for one. I had a successful consulting business, travel, great friends and family. The walls had gone up and even though I paid lip service to wanting true love, I really kept it at bay.

We’ve all heard that amazing Marianne Williamson quote, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

And fearful I was. I was playing small and safe in my little cocoon.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Intelligent ladies, I challenge you.

I challenge you to check in and ask yourself if you are playing small. What is it that you truly want?

I think after a while so many of us start to think, “I’m just going to be happy being by myself,” or “I had my one true love; that’s it for me.” And for those who are married to “the job,” let’s really think about that. Is the job going to come and visit you in the hospital when you’re 80? Ah, no!!!

And, you know, if you really are happy, then that’s cool. I do believe that it’s possible. But if you’re holding back out of safety, I challenge you to break free and really go for it.

LETTING GO: One of the final steps in my own journey was letting go. My girlfriend, Kris, was at the end of a harrowing divorce and she came up from Minnesota to join me at the lake for a chick’s weekend. We drank wine, made fabulous dinners and went out dancing every night. Our mantra was to have a great time with no attachments, to let go of old patterns.

So even though we were surrounded all weekend on the dance floor by a basketball team (a.k.a. The Tall Boys), we’d leave the bar by ourselves laughing all the way home. We never once thought, “I wonder if that guy likes me?” We stuck to the mantra despite an abundance of opportunity.

At the end of the weekend, we went down to the beach with a piece of paper, pen and barbeque lighter in hand. At sunset, we sat and wrote out what we wanted to let go of in our lives. A couple of the things on my list were “the comfort of being single” and “playing small in my life.” When our lists were done, we held a little ceremony, dug a hole in the sand, and burnt them.

GAME CHANGER: Once I gave myself permission to be the best version of me (intelligence and all) and to truly be open to love, I was liberated.

Two weeks later, I met my husband, John.

Did I marry a millionaire?

No, I didn’t. But I’ll tell you what, I feel like a million bucks every morning when I wake up and step into a life where I can be myself. And when my husband looks at me with love and respect, well, that’s just sweet, sweet icing on the cake.

Jane Atkinson is the author of The Frog Whisperer: A 3-Step Approach to Finding Lasting Love. For more information go to: www.frogwhisperer.com

Nine Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage on Valentine’s Day and Every Day

The quality of your marriage can make or break the quality of your life. Todd Patkin shares proven ways to strengthen your relationship with your spouse…and become happier in the process!

Foxboro, MA (January 2012)—Valentine’s Day is looming large on the horizon, and everywhere you look, commercials, magazines, store displays, and more are focused on helping couples plan the “perfect” February 14th celebration. Yes, if you’re in a relationship, it is important and enjoyable to celebrate your love on this special day. However, Todd Patkin has some advice for married couples especially: Romance, roses, chocolates, and champagne are only a small part of what makes up a marriage. The truth is, it’s the 364 days that surround February 14th that can make or break the quality of your relationship. So if you want to give your spouse the most meaningful Valentine’s gift of all, commit to putting daily thought—and yes, work!—into your relationship.

“I believe that many marriages simply deteriorate because couples allow their relationships to run on ‘autopilot,’ but still expect them to stay healthy and exciting, especially around holidays like Valentine’s Day,” explains Todd Patkin, author of the new bookFinding Happiness: One Man’s Quest to Beat Depression and Anxiety and—Finally—Let the Sunshine In (StepWise Press, 2011, ISBN: 978-0-9658261-9-8, $19.95). “But the truth is, like everything else in life, relationships don’t work that way. We must learn to put as much—no, even more—effort into our marriages as we do in trying to succeed professionally or keeping our gardens, houses, or cars looking top shelf.”

Furthermore, Patkin asserts that a happy marriage is the cornerstone of a happy life—if your marriage isn’t good, you’re going to have trouble feeling fulfilled in other areas as well.

“I know from experience that if you get it right here, it’s easier to get it right in all of the other aspects of your life, because the person who’s closest to you will be there to support you and will have your best interests at heart,” he adds.

“When you let your marriage just ‘sit,’ it’ll eventually get rusty and break down, just like your car would,” Patkin points out. “And that’s a terrible tragedy. We all should have been told growing up that you do have to work on your marriage every day, too, if you want it to stay exciting and great.”

If you’re ready and willing to do everything in your power to make your marriage a happier one (perhaps starting this February 14th), read on for Patkin’s nine tips:

Recommit yourself to your marriage every single day. Believe it or not, your marriage vows weren’t a one-time deal. No, you and your spouse probably aren’t going to stand in front of your loved ones and recommit yourselves to one another on a regular basis. But if you want to cultivate a strong and happy marriage, you should start each morning by making a renewed personal commitment to keeping your relationship healthy and rewarding.

“As I mentioned earlier, people work on their cars, their houses, and their gardens on a regular basis,” Patkin points out. “And just as these things need regular, constant attention to thrive, so does your marriage. Don’t let your enthusiasm for working on your relationship be short-lived. In order to give your marriage regular tune-ups, start by remembering what you said you’d do when you made your vows: Love your spouse. Honor her (or him!). Cherish her. Comfort her. Remain faithful to her. And do these things in good times and bad, in sickness and in health—every day of your marriage.”

Evaluate where your self-worth comes from. With very few exceptions, we human beings tend to base our sense of self-worth on the things that are most important to us. It’s common to hear people proudly say, “I’m a financial advisor,” or, “I’m the manager of my division at work,” or even, “I drive a Cadillac!” But how often do you hear, “I am the world’s luckiest husband,” or, “I have the best family in the whole wide world”?

“I understand all about being proud of your career accomplishments and of other things in your life, but I truly believe that the happiest couples draw a lot of their self-worth from their relationship with each other,” Patkin asserts. “So please assess where your marriage really falls right now on your list of personal accomplishments. Are you consistently relying on something other than your marriage, like your job, to make you feel good about yourself?”

Verbalize to your spouse the things you love and appreciate about him or her all of the time. Did you know that the things you think about and talk about influence how you experience the world around you? It’s true! So why not spend time thinking about how great your spouse is and then verbalizing those thoughts? Start by reminding yourself of all of the reasons why you fell in love in the first place, and then list how much more wonderful your partner has gotten since your marriage. Also, tell her (or him!) how much she means to you, how much you love her, and how beautiful she is ten times a day.

“Believe me, no one will ever say that they hear such compliments about themselves too many times,” Patkin promises. “And not only will this make your partner feel great in the moment, but consistently complimenting one another is the single greatest long-term vitamin you can each give to one another for your marriage. Verbalizing such compliments to your spouse is especially important today because most of us have a tendency to dwell on our mistakes while disregarding all of the things we do right. And we don’t normally hear compliments from our kids, our coworkers, or even our friends either, so over time, we start to feel small and unhappy. Thus, as a spouse, it is your responsibility to continue to make your wife or husband feel as great about her or himself as possible.”

Acknowledge the little things your spouse does, and return the favor. In a similar vein, constantly perform small but meaningful acts for your spouse, and don’t be surprised if he or she starts to do the same for you (if he or she doesn’t do so already, that is!). For example, if your wife hates unloading the dishwasher, make a point to get into the kitchen and put away the dishes first. Or make a mental note to wash the sheets on Friday afternoon so that they’ll be clean when your husband sleeps in on Saturday. Acts like this don’t take much time or energy, but they show your spouse that you are paying attention and that you care—and that is truly priceless!

“Also, it’s key that anytime your spouse goes out of his or her way to make your life better or easier, acknowledge that you’ve noticed and that you appreciate this expression of your partner’s love,” Patkin suggests. “Never let small acts go unnoticed. Saying thank you—and accompanying it with a heartfelt hug or kiss—starts a cycle of giving and getting. It’s when you don’t acknowledge your spouse’s efforts that he or she will begin to feel taken for granted and ignored. And usually, things will only go downhill from there.”

Learn—and then do—what makes your spouse feel most loved. Say, for example, that you love to receive gifts. Whether it’s a big-screen TV or a lowly fridge magnet picked up during a friend’s travels, you feel acknowledged and appreciated whenever you’re handed a wrapped box. So whenever you want to let your wife know that you’re thinking about her or want to boost her mood, you bring home a gift: flowers, a CD, or a book by one of her favorite authors. Only problem is, what your wife is really craving is a nice, long hug.

“Don’t assume you know what makes your spouse feel the most loved,” Patkin advises. “While any expression of love is, of course, a good thing, the fact is that we all feel loved in different ways. So it is important that you find out what makes your spouse feel the most loved. Simply ask the question, ‘What have I done in the past that made you feel the most special?’ Some people might want a date night. Others might need to be told verbally that they are the greatest. It’s always a good idea to ask your spouse what makes him or her feel most loved—and then include those actions or words into your regular repertoire. You’ll notice a big difference…and you’ll probably find that your spouse reciprocates, too.”

Don’t let resentment build. When you live in fairly close quarters with another human being, it’s inevitable that sooner or later you’re going to annoy each other. (In fact, at times you’re probably going to want to kill each other.) While it’s not a good idea to nit-pick with your spouse each and every time you feel a teeny bit put out, it’s also unhealthy to let issues and negative feelings build up and fester.

“Always, always make it a priority to keep the lines of communication open,” Patkin advises. “Even if you have to go for a walk to clear your head first, be sure to express your grievances in a calm, constructive way—preferably before you go to bed angry. Also, remember that this is a two-way street. When your spouse is upset with you, make every effort not to fly off the handle and to fairly consider what you’re hearing. Marriage does involve compromising and modifying your behavior for another’s well-being—and believe me, your mutual happiness is worth it.”

Take responsibility and stop trying to fix your partner. There’s a lot of finger pointing going on in marriages. After all, it’s easy to identify and list all the ways someone else is getting it wrong. (Plus, it just feels good to be “right.”) But how much good does all of this complaining and accusing really do? After you finish berating your spouse for yet another of his or her supposed failings, does the quality of your life actually change? Probably not. According to Patkin, it’s time to take a break from blaming and instead work on yourself. While both partners do need to be willing to compromise in order to help the other, it’s always best to look at how your own behavior could improve before you try to change your spouse’s.

“The more time you spend trying to change your spouse, the less time you have for improving yourself,” Patkin points out. “As far as I know, there has never been such a thing as a ‘perfect’ husband or wife! And I bet that when you begin to take responsibility for areas in which you may have been dropping the ball, the dynamic of your marriage will change. Perhaps your spouse has been trapped in a cycle of negativity that has been fed by your own less-than-helpful attitude. And remember, people unconsciously begin to mirror the people they spend the most time with. This happens for the good as well as for the bad! So if you start working on yourself, your spouse will most likely do the same.”

Figure out what your strengths are and play to them. As much as possible, you and your spouse should each play to your strengths within your marriage and back away from your weaknesses. If, for example, you’re great with words but don’t have much of a math brain, don’t take on the task of making sure the bills are paid and the accounts are balanced each month. Instead, take the lead in dealing with teachers, repairmen, etc. When you force yourself to do something for which you have little aptitude, you only frustrate yourself and, by extension, the people with whom you live.

“I’ll be honest—I’m awful when it comes to doing projects around the house,” Patkin admits. “I have very little mechanical understanding or skill, and I have no patience for these types of jobs. For years, though, I’d try tackling these sorts of projects around the house. And then when I failed to put the pieces of a new desk together, for example, I’d feel like less of a man. Well, I’ve finally accepted the fact that I will never be Mr. Home Improvement, and I don’t waste my time or energy on that type of task. Thus, I get much less frustrated, I’m happier, and the people around me are happier too! I’ve learned that it’s definitely a good idea to ask your spouse for help or pay to have the job done if neither of you feels confident.”

Date your spouse again. When you’re newly in love and in full courtship mode, you do everything you can to spend every free moment with your partner. Eventually though, work, kids, responsibilities, and life in general tend to get in the way of your relationship with your spouse. The two of you stop doing fun things with only one another, and it’s easy to go weeks at a time without having any serious conversations that don’t revolve around work, money, or kids. That’s why it’s imperative to set aside time to date your spouse.

“Vow to take the time to invest in the romantic part of your relationship,” Patkin advises. “It may not seem important, but this is the cornerstone of a good marriage. Without that so-called ‘spark,’ the other parts of your life, like work and kids, will suffer too. Try to act like you did when you were both in the infatuation period of your relationship: Bring home flowers or other small gifts. Plan a special date night (maybe involving a babysitter this time around!). Get tickets to the reunion tour of a band you and your spouse loved when you first began dating. Basically, get back to the essence of how you fell in love in the first place!”

“I hope that once you begin celebrating, respecting, and loving your spouse as I’ve just described, as well as prioritizing your marriage every day, you’ll find that the whole dynamic of your relationship changes,” Patkin concludes. “I hope that you’ll begin smiling more, feeling better, and experiencing more ‘spark.’ It’s true: Everything—and especially our own happiness—really is, to a huge extent, about our relationships with other people. And I think Cupid would agree!”

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About the Author:

Todd Patkin grew up in Needham, Massachusetts. After graduating from Tufts University, he joined the family business and spent the next eighteen years helping to grow it to new heights. After it was purchased by Advance Auto Parts in 2005, he was free to focus on his main passions: philanthropy and giving back to the community, spending time with family and friends, and helping more people learn how to be happy. Todd lives with his wonderful wife, Yadira, their amazing son, Josh, and two great dogs, Tucker and Hunter.

Both women and men are waiting longer and longer to get married for the first time, according to the Census Bureau, and fewer women are having babies before their 40th birthdays, the Centers for Disease Control reports. Interestingly, more and more women are having babies well into their 40s. Could it be that it has become more difficult for couples to connect romantically?

“Women are likely to be more independent and professionally successful than they were a generation or two ago, and that’s wonderful, but it can come with baggage,” says Jane Atkinson, author of The Frog Whisperer: A Three-Step Approach to Finding Lasting Love (www.frogwhisperer.com). “We’re less likely to think about the energy we’re putting out to others, particularly the opposite sex, and that energy has a lot to do with how people react to us.”

Atkinson says finding Mr. or Ms. Right requires taking your eyes off of work and focusing on yourself more. What can you do to become the person you would want to date? She offers some tips for finding “the one.”

• Figure out what you’re looking for. Have you thought hard about what kind of person you’re looking for? One trick is to visualize your perfect day. Are you at the beach? Traveling? Is the man with you quiet or chatty? Is the woman serious or funny? Does he want children? Does she go to church? This will help you identify the characteristics and values of your Mr. or Ms. Right so you can recognize them when he or she comes along.

• Get happy in your own head. Once again, it’s all about attraction. Putting out positive, confident energy will attract the same. Besides, it’s never a good idea to rely on other people to make us happy. If you need to recover from old hurts, lose weight or find a job, take care of that business first.

• Think you’re ready? Test yourself with this quick quiz.

1. Are you happy with yourself? (Or are you miserable because you’ve put on 50 pounds since your divorce?)

2. Are you looking for someone to rescue you or take care of you? (If you answer “yes” to this one, you may not be ready.)

3. Is there room in your life for a relationship? (Or do you have three kids and work a 60-hour week?)

4. Has enough time passed since your last relationship? (Or are you still wounded?)

• Now, get yourself fabulous. Rather than, “Why can’t I find a good man?” ask yourself, “Who do I need to become to attract the man (or woman) who is perfect for me?” It’s not about changing you; it’s about being your best you. Part of that is your mojo – your self-esteem. If your mojo is slipping, you’ll attract control freaks, players and jerks. Pump it up with a makeover, a workout, a sincere inventory of your attributes.

• Get out there! Put on your sexy jeans get yourself out the door. Where to start looking? If you enjoy working with your hands, volunteer for a Habitat for Humanity project. If you’ve always wanted to learn Italian, take a class. If you love to do yoga, check out a new studio (ladies, you’ll find a surprising number of guys there.) Perhaps you find a new church or take a class on Buddhism. The list of meeting spots for singles is a long one: bookstores, dance clubs, supper clubs, book clubs, gyms, golf courses, rowing clubs, dog parks.

Atkinson’s tips come from real-life experience. At 40, she realized she’d been kissing a lot of frogs and found not one prince. She applied the model she developed for her business, tweaked it and came up with “Frog Whisperer” – and a prince of a husband.

Jane Atkinson is the author of The Frog Whisperer: A 3-Step Approach to Finding Lasting Love and The Frog Whisperer Journal as well as a Positive Practice audio CD to help women (and men) get mentally ready for meeting their perfect mate. She lives in London, Ontario, with her husband of four years, John.