Couple Offers Tips for Love and Happiness (Hint: Fun Matters)

Barack and Michelle do it. Brad and Angelina do it. John and Yoko did it. How?

As the divorce rate hovers near an estimated 50 percent in the United States, many blame career stress as a major cause of separations. But somehow some couples grow stronger, especially when they work together.

One couple who have worked together for nearly a decade in the stressful world of theater, producing Off-Broadway plays, has decided to share their secrets.

“In part, it is because we work together that our bond has strengthened after 10 years of marriage,” says Jamillah Lamb, co-author along with her husband, David, of Perfect Combination: Seven Key Ingredients to Happily Living & Loving Together.

The couple has worked together professionally in their stage company, Between The Lines Productions, Inc., for nine years. But the Lambs say even couples who aren’t business partners are working together every day; because being in any relationship requires negotiating, compromising, and decision-making. Just think about the last time you had to decide whose mother’s house you were going to for Christmas or where you were going to go for vacation or even which movie you were going to see last weekend.

“We get more opportunity to grow together because, between home and work, we’re making 100 decisions a day instead of 10,” Jamillah says.

The couple live by their guiding rule, “Love like kids, act like adults.”

“That means to love freely and completely, without a fortress around your heart, and behave responsibly,” David says.

A crucial ingredient for any successful marriage is friendship, the Lambs say. Here are some of their tips:

• Enjoy life: Some couples won’t go to theme parks until they have children. But letting one’s inner child out to play with their partner’s inner child strengthens a relationship’s bond.

• Forgive the small stuff: No one is always right, and no one wants to be around someone who always needs to be right.

• Appreciate individuality: Everyone needs to have their own identity, including those in a long-term relationship and couples who work together. David enjoys his comic book collection, while Jamillah keeps a library of romance novels.

• Do not misdirect anger: In psychology, it’s called transference; dumping your bad day on someone else. It is poison for any relationship.

• Remember your love: Couples may fight, but guard what you say. There’s no need for ugliness even when you disagree.

Couples need to remember relationships take work, but they can also be a blast of fun, David says.

“Love is worth the sacrifice,” they agree. “Today, with stories of celebrity couples walking away after only days of marriage and even more people living as though sacrifice is nearly a curse word, we say: ‘It’s worth the sacrifice.’ For us, it means that we are willing to give up something that we thought was valuable or important for something even more important: love and our happiness.”

Love is, in part, the acknowledgement and deep appreciation for another human being, Jamillah says.

“Couples should never take each other for granted,” she advises. “In love, as in business, everyone wants to be appreciated. The simplest gesture can go a long way to help your significant other feel like they are making a significant contribution to your life, your family, or your business.”

David and Jamillah Lamb have been married for 10 years. They founded and have run Between The Lines Productions, Inc. since 2003. Born and raised in Queens, N.Y., David attended the Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs at Princeton University and New York University School of Law. He is the playwright of “Platanos y Collard Greens.” Jamillah Lamb grew up in the same Chicago neighborhood as first lady Michelle Obama. She earned her master’s degree in public policy at Harvard. Together they wrote Perfect Combination: Seven Key Ingredients to Happily Living & Loving to share what they have learned as successful partners in love and in business.They live in Brooklyn with their daughter.

….Than someone with a pretty/handsome face like Megan Fox or Alex Rodriguez

New smart USA Survey Shows Preference for a Right-Sized Lifestyle Over Conspicuous Consumption

In the age-old battle of bigger vs. better and brains vs. brawn, score one for better and smarter. smart USA and Harris Interactive today released results from a survey that found Americans deeply value smarts over looks and hold the belief that less, not more, is more.

The survey, which was conducted online in December among more than 2,000 Americans aged 18 and older, found that for all the talk about reality television and celebrities behaving badly, the majority of Americans (88%) — both young and old, male and female — would prefer to date a person who is intelligent and philanthropic like George Clooney or Reese Witherspoon, over someone with a pretty/handsome face like Megan Fox or Alex Rodriguez.

The smart USA survey also found that:

• Nearly 7 out of 10 (69%) Americans would prefer their spouse to speak another language than have washboard abs

• Almost 3 in 5 (59%) Americans would rather have their partner gain 20 I.Q. points than lose 20 pounds

• An astonishing 95% of women and 80% of men would prefer to date someone who is smart and philanthropic like Reese Witherspoon or George Clooney than someone with a pretty/handsome face like Megan Fox or Alex Rodriguez

While the last decade is often seen as a period of gluttonous consumption, McMansions, and Super-Size meals, the old adage that less is more seems to be ringing true in today’s post-recession era . The survey found that three out of four Americans prefer to receive a present in a small package over a large one. Those who thought bigger was better tended to be young, a preference that shrinks as people get older and wiser (34% of Americans age 18-34 preferred bigger presents compared to 22% of those age 45-54 and 17% of those age 55+).

Overall, on the subject of preferring less over more:

• 97% of Americans believe that at least some of the items in their household are junk (i.e., they could easily get rid of it)

• Nearly one out of 10 (9%) Americans believe they can part with a full half of their stuff

• 9% of Americans believe that 51-100% of the items in their household are junk, indicating that the supposed American obsession with size and quantity is overstated

“The fact that a majority of Americans are deeply concerned with right-sizing their lifestyles and making intelligent choices shows why smart has so much curb appeal today,” says smart USA General Manager Tracey Matura. “People are rethinking whether bigger is actually better and focusing instead on value. They’re looking at how they can cut down the clutter in their lives, whether in their choice of vehicle, home or other purchases, so they have fewer, better things rather than simply more, more, more. And smart is proof that good things do come in small packages.”

Survey Methodology

This survey was conducted online within the United States by Harris Interactive on behalf of Smart from December 6-8, 2011 among 2,246 adults ages 18 and older. This online survey is not based on a probability sample and therefore no estimate of theoretical sampling error can be calculated. For complete survey methodology, including weighting variables, please contact terry.wei@mbusa.com.

About smart: smart, a Daimler AG brand, has its U.S. headquarters in Montvale, New Jersey. The smart model-line consists of five for two models: the pure coupe, passion coupe, passion cabriolet and all electric drive versions of the coupe and cabriolet. The unique models which are classified as ultra-low emissions vehicles by the State of California Air Resources Board are just under nine feet long, 5 feet tall and 5 feet wide. Despite their microcar exterior dimensions, smart vehicles are surprisingly roomy inside and have a full array of technological features including the patented tridion safety cell which is designed to protect occupants in the event of a collision. All smart vehicles, designed to be 85% recyclable and over 95% reclaimable, are produced in the environmentally oriented “smartville” factory in Hambach, France. Over 48,000 smarts have been sold in the U.S. to date. Additional information on smart can be found at www.smartusa.com

Any Time of the Year 

So many people go searching for their true love in nightclubs, singles clubs, through online dating sites and among friends of friends. The truth is, finding true love starts right in your own home – or, more accurately, in your own heart.

Before you can find true love in a relationship, you must find it within yourself.

Here are three simple ways to attain true love for you, yourself, and your life as a whole. You’ll be amazed at how quickly romantic love will follow.

• Be thankful for everything (including your mistakes). Learn to be thankful for the good things in your life. That will help you appreciate all the small things and give you a happier, positive outlook (which, by the way, is very attractive.) Be thankful for your mistakes, too. Everything in your life, both the triumphs and the stumbles, shape us as people. Mistakes are valuable learning experiences and, when viewed as such and appreciated, regrets and bitterness of yesterday will fade away. Peace and love will enter in to your life immediately!

• Forgive others so that you can forgive yourself. Forgiving is as much for you as it is for the person who did you wrong. For starters, when you can forgive others, you can forgive yourself. Some of us are harder on ourselves than anyone else would ever be. We need to be as forgiving of our own faults and misdeeds as we are other people’s. Holding onto anger and resentment, whether it’s directed at someone else or ourselves, robs us of opportunities for joy. Truly forgive whoever’s hurt you – you don’t have to like them! – and fully experience happiness.

• Find enjoyment and satisfaction in every day. Strive to find the happiness in your average, workaday life. For most of us, a typical Friday will be a much happier day than a typical Monday, but live each average Monday to its fullest as you would live each fun Friday to the fullest! If you strive to live in love each day, then you will have no regrets. There are many more average days than holidays and vacations – don’t waste them! Find satisfaction in your work, enjoy the process of doing a good job and learning new skills, and every day will be an abundance of joy.

In my book, The Good News: How Revealing Delusions In Christianity Will Bring Peace To All, I lay out the numerous biblical instructions to love, forgive and be grateful. If we each apply these simple teachings to our own lives, no matter what our religion, we’ll create a happier world.

To both the people with a special someone and those without – be thankful. Love and happiness come from within, not from another person. We all have something to celebrate, not only at Valentine’s Day but all year long.

Shay Dawkins is a Tuscaloosa, Alabama, businessman who grew up in Baptist and Pentecostal churches. His observances about how Christianity can be divisive despite being based on one book led to his analysis of the Bible. Check out his YouTube video, “Why It Should Be About Love, Not Religion.”

By Jane Atkinson

Recently, it was reported that Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger’s advice was to “dumb it down” if you wanted to snag your man.

Really?

Is this what fabulous, intelligent women are reduced to these days…. games?

Ya, I’m gonna pass on the millionaire, Patti, especially if he’s looking for a vacuous bimbette to serve as arm candy.

And gentlemen, I would be surprised if you weren’t questioning this as well. If you’re going to spend the next 20, 30 or 40 years with someone, wouldn’t you like to have an intelligent conversation once in awhile?

FULL DISCLOSURE: On my path to finding my perfect partner, on many occasions I thought, “What am I doing wrong?” In sheer frustration, I’m pretty sure I might have tried something as ridiculous as dumbing it down.

Fortunately, it dawned on me right around my 40th birthday.

I wasn’t truly open to love; I was way too comfy and safe in my stylish little condo built for one. I had a successful consulting business, travel, great friends and family. The walls had gone up and even though I paid lip service to wanting true love, I really kept it at bay.

We’ve all heard that amazing Marianne Williamson quote, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

And fearful I was. I was playing small and safe in my little cocoon.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Intelligent ladies, I challenge you.

I challenge you to check in and ask yourself if you are playing small. What is it that you truly want?

I think after a while so many of us start to think, “I’m just going to be happy being by myself,” or “I had my one true love; that’s it for me.” And for those who are married to “the job,” let’s really think about that. Is the job going to come and visit you in the hospital when you’re 80? Ah, no!!!

And, you know, if you really are happy, then that’s cool. I do believe that it’s possible. But if you’re holding back out of safety, I challenge you to break free and really go for it.

LETTING GO: One of the final steps in my own journey was letting go. My girlfriend, Kris, was at the end of a harrowing divorce and she came up from Minnesota to join me at the lake for a chick’s weekend. We drank wine, made fabulous dinners and went out dancing every night. Our mantra was to have a great time with no attachments, to let go of old patterns.

So even though we were surrounded all weekend on the dance floor by a basketball team (a.k.a. The Tall Boys), we’d leave the bar by ourselves laughing all the way home. We never once thought, “I wonder if that guy likes me?” We stuck to the mantra despite an abundance of opportunity.

At the end of the weekend, we went down to the beach with a piece of paper, pen and barbeque lighter in hand. At sunset, we sat and wrote out what we wanted to let go of in our lives. A couple of the things on my list were “the comfort of being single” and “playing small in my life.” When our lists were done, we held a little ceremony, dug a hole in the sand, and burnt them.

GAME CHANGER: Once I gave myself permission to be the best version of me (intelligence and all) and to truly be open to love, I was liberated.

Two weeks later, I met my husband, John.

Did I marry a millionaire?

No, I didn’t. But I’ll tell you what, I feel like a million bucks every morning when I wake up and step into a life where I can be myself. And when my husband looks at me with love and respect, well, that’s just sweet, sweet icing on the cake.

Jane Atkinson is the author of The Frog Whisperer: A 3-Step Approach to Finding Lasting Love. For more information go to: www.frogwhisperer.com

Both women and men are waiting longer and longer to get married for the first time, according to the Census Bureau, and fewer women are having babies before their 40th birthdays, the Centers for Disease Control reports. Interestingly, more and more women are having babies well into their 40s. Could it be that it has become more difficult for couples to connect romantically?

“Women are likely to be more independent and professionally successful than they were a generation or two ago, and that’s wonderful, but it can come with baggage,” says Jane Atkinson, author of The Frog Whisperer: A Three-Step Approach to Finding Lasting Love (www.frogwhisperer.com). “We’re less likely to think about the energy we’re putting out to others, particularly the opposite sex, and that energy has a lot to do with how people react to us.”

Atkinson says finding Mr. or Ms. Right requires taking your eyes off of work and focusing on yourself more. What can you do to become the person you would want to date? She offers some tips for finding “the one.”

• Figure out what you’re looking for. Have you thought hard about what kind of person you’re looking for? One trick is to visualize your perfect day. Are you at the beach? Traveling? Is the man with you quiet or chatty? Is the woman serious or funny? Does he want children? Does she go to church? This will help you identify the characteristics and values of your Mr. or Ms. Right so you can recognize them when he or she comes along.

• Get happy in your own head. Once again, it’s all about attraction. Putting out positive, confident energy will attract the same. Besides, it’s never a good idea to rely on other people to make us happy. If you need to recover from old hurts, lose weight or find a job, take care of that business first.

• Think you’re ready? Test yourself with this quick quiz.

1. Are you happy with yourself? (Or are you miserable because you’ve put on 50 pounds since your divorce?)

2. Are you looking for someone to rescue you or take care of you? (If you answer “yes” to this one, you may not be ready.)

3. Is there room in your life for a relationship? (Or do you have three kids and work a 60-hour week?)

4. Has enough time passed since your last relationship? (Or are you still wounded?)

• Now, get yourself fabulous. Rather than, “Why can’t I find a good man?” ask yourself, “Who do I need to become to attract the man (or woman) who is perfect for me?” It’s not about changing you; it’s about being your best you. Part of that is your mojo – your self-esteem. If your mojo is slipping, you’ll attract control freaks, players and jerks. Pump it up with a makeover, a workout, a sincere inventory of your attributes.

• Get out there! Put on your sexy jeans get yourself out the door. Where to start looking? If you enjoy working with your hands, volunteer for a Habitat for Humanity project. If you’ve always wanted to learn Italian, take a class. If you love to do yoga, check out a new studio (ladies, you’ll find a surprising number of guys there.) Perhaps you find a new church or take a class on Buddhism. The list of meeting spots for singles is a long one: bookstores, dance clubs, supper clubs, book clubs, gyms, golf courses, rowing clubs, dog parks.

Atkinson’s tips come from real-life experience. At 40, she realized she’d been kissing a lot of frogs and found not one prince. She applied the model she developed for her business, tweaked it and came up with “Frog Whisperer” – and a prince of a husband.

Jane Atkinson is the author of The Frog Whisperer: A 3-Step Approach to Finding Lasting Love and The Frog Whisperer Journal as well as a Positive Practice audio CD to help women (and men) get mentally ready for meeting their perfect mate. She lives in London, Ontario, with her husband of four years, John.

With Expert Tips on Making Valentine’s Day Special

Crucial Tips and Insights Submitted by Astroglide’s Imaginative Twitter Fans

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, members of both sexes are starting to worry about making it a special occasion filled with love and romance. In order to gather some insights, we polled some of our loyal Twitter fans to learn “things you didn’t know about men.” We gathered some of the most insightful comments and also included some of our own to give women some tips on making Valentine’s Day special for their man.

1. Men enjoy spontaneous sex. It doesn’t have to be all the time, just a surprise. This one isn’t too surprising, but it’s still a great tip.

2. Buy some sexy lingerie to show your assets off to your man. They get nervous about buying you the right size or style, so surprise them with something new.

3. Men are also sensitive about getting older. Plan an activity that will help make them feel young and sexy like go-kart racing or a mountain biking trip on Valentine’s Day.

4. They want you to be assertive in the bedroom and to take control of the sexual fun. This is the perfect time to introduce Astroglide Personal Lubricants, sex toys or role-playing into the mix.

5. Men are emotional creatures – they might not need a daily cry but they do have feelings. If you are doing an at-home movie night, then try a tearjerker sports movie to see his sensitive side.

6. Men enjoy fingers running through their hair and a nice scalp massage.

7. Men love women to be smart and to hear them use “five dollar words.” Take your guy on a Valentine’s Day museum trip so he can see your brilliant side.

8. A lot of men love feet and can be won over by a girl with cute feet and shoes. Treat yourself to those expensive heels and a pedicure to get ready for a hot date.

9. Guys want to be romantic but get nervous, so give them some subtle tips on “setting the stage.”

10. They care about clothes too and want to look good when heading out on the town, but they might not actually like buying clothes – check their size and get them a great Date Night shirt.

Valentine’s Day doesn’t need to be just chocolate and flowers for the ladies. Women can take control of the occasion by treating their man to a fun night out on the town!

Astroglide products are developed and distributed by BioFilm, Inc., a privately held manufacturer of high quality healthcare products. BioFilm continually researches consumer needs and develops innovative products to meet and exceed those requirements. The company’s flagship product, Astroglide Personal Lubricant, is one of the world’s top selling personal lubricants. Founded in 1991, Astroglide is headquartered in Vista, CA. All BioFilm products are produced on-site in its Vista manufacturing facility under FDA guidelines and strict in-house quality procedures. BioFilm’s number one priority is to provide its customers with the highest quality products possible. For more information visit www.astroglide.com or follow us at www.twitter.com/astroglide and www.facebook.com/astroglide.

is less than you Imagined or Nonexistent!

From Best Selling Author and Relationship Expert Laura Doyle

On Valentine’s Day, a day known as a celebration of romance, many women find themselves in relationships that are not romantic at all and others are lonely and wonder why they cannot find love? If your relationship or romantic life is anything less than you imagined––or it’s nonexistent––consider brushing up on your relationship skills. This Valentine’s Day, New York Times bestselling author and relationship expert Laura Doyle, pioneer of the “Romance Revolution,” is providing tips for women to create lifelong romance, success. Women can start by assessing their habits with free quizzes at www.lauradoyle.org: Rate Your Dating Skills for single women or Rate Your Intimacy Skills for wives and unmarried women in long-term monogamous relationships. This will give women an idea about which of their relationship skills needs work.

One of the habits that women with lifelong romance cultivate is leaving their professional persona behind when the working day or parenting day is done in favor of honoring their feminine nature—the part that longs to feel desired, cherished and protected. Wise women realize that the goals at work or in motherhood are very different from their goals in romance. At work, women want to improve the bottom line or get a promotion, to manage their business, staff and projects. As mothers, women strive to nurture, teach and guide their children. In romance women want someone to desire them and tell them they are beautiful, to make them laugh and feel cherished. Those goals require different skill sets.

Consider making this Valentine’s Day the kickoff for learning the skills needed to become a beloved wife or girlfriend instead of just a co-parent, roommate or hopeful single. Start by practicing one of the universal qualities among women who have magical romances: Become a great receiver.

A woman who receives graciously wouldn’t dismiss or reject a compliment by saying that her hair is dirty after her husband or boyfriend said how pretty it looks. She accepts gifts graciously by saying, “Thank you,” not “You didn’t have to.” If someone offers to help a good receiver move a chair, toss the salad or open the door, she accepts the help gratefully.

“This Valentine’s Day, every woman should learn how much power she has to create an absolutely wonderful romance,” said Laura Doyle. “Too many women think that it only happens in movies and fairy tales. Every woman can join the Romance Revolution and make her own romance magic.”

Not everyone has gotten the word yet that they can put an end to chronic heartbreak and loneliness by learning a few skills, but this summer hundreds will make that breakthrough at the Lifelong Romance Retreat for women in South Florida from June 22nd – 24th. The retreat is co-presented by Gladys Diaz with Heart’s Desire International (www.heartsdesireintl.com). For more information about the Lifelong Romance Retreat, please visit www.lauradoyle.org.

About Laura Doyle - Over a decade ago, the press said that New York Times best-selling author and relationship expert Laura Doyle was starting “a movement–the genuine kind, the kind with social implications, the kind that change us forever.” Today the social revolution Laura started has spread in over 15 languages and 26 countries as women of all ages have discovered her extraordinary tools for creating intimate, passionate, peaceful relationships.

Laura has appeared on The CBS Evening News, Dateline NBC, The Today Show, Fox, BET, The Early Show and The View, and in The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, The London Telegraph, People Magazine, Time Magazine and Newsweek. Her methods of transforming unhappy marriages into passionate unions and helping single women attract the love that had previously eluded them are legendary.

Laura lives near Los Angeles, with her hilarious husband, John Doyle, who has been dressing himself since before she was born. Currently, she is writing her fourth book, developing media projects in the U.S. and Europe, and expanding her training organization for women who teach her methods worldwide.

Dr. Martha Howard’s Baker’s Dozen Guide

Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching. For those who’ve waited the last minute to plan the special date, fret no more. Chicago Healers Practitioner Martha Howard, M.D offers a variety of foods that would make a perfect feast for a romantic evening. Below is your Baker’s Dozen Guide of Aphrodisiac Foods for Valentine’s Day, including a preplanned menu.

• Chocolate: The Ultimate Aphrodisiac Food – Chocolate contains anandamide and phenylethylamine (PEA) which releases dopamine in the brain’s pleasure center, resulting in feelings of attraction, excitement and euphoric pleasure. It is no secret why the box of chocolates has been a customary Valentine’s gift!

• The Almond Joy – “Back in the old days” the scents of almonds was thought to arouse passion in women, and were regarded as fertility symbols. The “back in the day” people had the right idea. Almonds contain high levels of magnesium and vitamin E. Both of these supplements have been given to men and women going through IVF treatments and have increased fertilization rates from 19 to 29 percent.

• Arugula: It’s more than a garnish – Since the beginning of time, arugula has been used as an aphrodisiac. According to the Cambridge World History of Food, arugula was combined with grated orchid bulbs, parsnips, pine nuts and pistachios to make an ‘aphrodisiac mix.’

• Asparagus: The last supper – In 19th century France, on the eve of their wedding, grooms were served three courses of asparagus at their “bachelor” dinners. Asparagus contains folic acid which is known to boost histamine production notorious for enhancing performance on the wedding night.

• Avocado: The forbidden fruit – Catholic priests in Spain deemed avocados an outlawed food because they were thought to be so “obscenely sexual.” Avocado, like asparagus is high in folic acid which produces histamine. The fruit also has vitamin B6 and potassium, which calms the nerves and controls many body processes such as heart regulation.

• Bananas: Guilty by association – Bananas, like avocados and almonds, have potassium, B vitamins and magnesium. Its real claim to fame, however, is the bromeliad enzyme, which is traditionally known to boost male libido.

• Basil: Feed the senses – Basil not only makes food smell and taste better, it stimulates circulation causing the heart to beat faster.

• Figs: An Egyptian favorite – Cleopatra’s favorite fruit was thought to stimulate sexual arousal and increase fertility.

• Ginger: The aroma of desire – Ginger is another traditional aphrodisiac, because of its ability to increase circulation and desire.

• The Honey…moon – The word “honeymoon” comes from a custom in ancient Persia. Couples drank mead (liquor made from honey) daily for a month after marriage, to get them “in the mood.”

• Licorice: The love machine- In ancient China, it was believed that the smell of licorice would enhance feelings of love and lust.

• Oysters: It’s common knowledge – Oysters are the most celebrated of aphrodisiacs. Oysters have high zinc content. Zinc is known to help produce sperm and increase libido.

• Pine Nuts: Love potion number 9- Pine nuts have been used to stimulate the libido since medieval days. They are high in zinc, like oysters, and have been used for centuries in love potions.

Now that you have the ingredients, Dr. Howard provides you with the recipe that would ensure a romantic Valentine’s night!

• Appetizer: Oysters on the half shell

• Salad: Arugula, with figs, pine nuts, avocado, and a honey and ginger dressing

• Entrée: Spaghetti with tomato-basil sauce, with grilled asparagus

• Dessert: Chocolate¬ banana almond mousse

• After dinner mints: Licorice flavor

About Chicago Healers: Chicago Healers (www.ChicagoHealers.com) is the nation’s pioneer prescreened and integrative health care network, offering a comprehensive understanding of each practitioner’s services, approach and philosophy. Its holistic health experts teach and advocate natural and empowered health and life choices through their practices, the media, educational events, and the website. With close to 200 practitioners and over 300 treatment services, Chicago Healers has provided nearly 400 free educational events for Chicagoans and has been featured in 300+ TV news programs and print publications. For more information, visit www.ChicagoHealers.com.

picture of couple in relationship

Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another’s personhood. Karen Kasey

• Ask yourself “Am I married to the right person…or am I just married?”

• State your intention. Do you intend to stay married and make it work? Then do what it takes to make it happen…or get a divorce.

• End the blame game. If you’re blaming your partner for your unhappiness, you’re denying your own power. We can’t control what others do, but we can control how we respond to it and whether or not we’ll continue to live with it.

• Tell the truth about something you’ve been stewing over. Tell it gently and lovingly, expressing what took place and how you feel: angry or sad or betrayed or conflicted. Make it an “I” statement versus a “You” statement. Own your feelings, they are yours. Then offer a suggestion on how to make the situation work for the both of you. This will turn the focus on a solution and keep you both from getting stuck on the problem.

• Rock the boat. It can be good to upset the status quo in your relationship—especially if the status quo is causing seething resentment. Go where you want to go on vacation for a change…or plan an outing with girlfriends on his “golf day”….or paint your office the shade of green that he dislikes (but that you love). Let the chips fall where they may.

• Are you letting your partner live an authentic life? If you’re doing something to manipulate or control him or her, it’s time to stop. When people are allowed to be who they are, they often blossom.

• It’s usually a mistake to expect people to change lifelong habits that you don’t like. They won’t. And anyway, who are you to insist they change to please you?

• It’s not about winning. As the old saying goes, Would you rather be right or be happy?

• Have you ever heard it said, “Don’t fight force with force”? It’s a MARTIAL arts principle that can also be a MARITAL arts principle! Sometimes yielding, or flowing around the barrier like a river, is the best way to get what you need.

• Seize every opportunity to say, “I love you.” One day it will be your last chance.

About the Authors:

Kathleen McIntire is a transformational teacher, speaker, and healer who is dedicated to bringing forth truth, liberation, and awakening. She is the author and creator of Guiding Signs 101, a set of divination cards and guidebook using everyday road signs to tap into your intuition and own inner guidance.

Kathleen is the producer of two upcoming Mayan films. The first, Mayan Renaissance, is being made by PeaceJam, an international education program for youth built around leading Nobel Peace Laureates. The other film is The Unification of Wisdom and 2012. In the near future she will be a presenter on the Womens Empowerment (WE) Channel on the CANDO Networks. Kathleen’s website addresses are www.soaringinlight.com and www.guidingsigns101.com.

Erin Cote has been involved in creative design for over a decade. Her main focus is on bringing humor and playfulness to professional environments. Through Laughter Therapy she teaches others about the importance of play and laughter. As the founder of ULaugh, Erin conducts laughter presentations and workshops in Northern California for the public, businesses, and hospitals.

Together, Erin and Kathleen bring their talents of wisdom, design, and playfulness into the creation of Guiding Signs 101. Erin can be contacted through her website at: www.UlaughAlot.com or through www.GuidingSigns101.com.

In Part Four the Authors Share  tips to Authentic Parenting