If your child is overweight, discussing that problem can be one of the most difficult conversations you’ll face as a parent. Sarah Stone lists several reasons why parents are hesitant to have the “weight talk” and presents compelling reasons for

overcoming that reluctance.

If you’re the parent of an overweight child, you probably feel like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, you know that your child’s health is in jeopardy and that you should take the lead in addressing this problem. But on the other hand, bringing up this touchy topic—not to mention figuring out how to make important lifestyle changes—is difficult, uncomfortable, and potentially embarrassing for all involved. If you’re like most parents in this situation, you probably find yourself putting off the “weight talk” for just a little while longer…and a little longer after that…and a little longer after that.

According to Sarah Stone, though, you’re making a big mistake. It’s time to stop stalling and start talking—for the sake of everyone involved.

“Communication is an essential part of effective parenting—but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy or enjoyable,” says Stone. “It certainly doesn’t help that most parents are never trained in this critical skill—especially when our children and sensitive topics are involved. And children’s weight in particular is too often the elephant in the room.”

The good news is, as the current director of operations at MindStream Academy (www.mindstreamacademy.com), a co-ed health and wellness boarding school for teens who want to get fit, lose weight, build self-esteem, better manage stress, and take control over their health and wellness destinies, Stone can shed some much-needed light on this tough topic.

First, she says, it’s helpful to understand that you’re not alone in feeling reluctant to discuss your child’s weight. In fact, a recent study conducted by FIT, a partnership of WebMD and Sanford Health, showed that about 5 percent of parents struggle when talking to their kids about drugs and alcohol and that 10 percent are uncomfortable talking about sex, but 25 percent are hesitant to discuss their children’s weight issues. In fact, many parents of eight to seventeen year-olds admit to avoiding the weight conversation altogether.

“These statistics are not surprising, but they are tragic,” says Stone. “The developing years are when the brain learns habits that will last a lifetime. So right now is when a lasting change can be made relatively easily. Frighteningly, though, if parents don’t act, the health habits of today’s children will only get worse from every conceivable angle—increased disease risk across the spectrum, poorer quality of life, and massive public and private expenditures that will weigh heavily on the economy and on the lifestyle of almost every citizen.”

No parents want their children to experience any of the problems Stone describes. To help you get over your reluctance to have the weight discussion, here are five reasons she says parents are likely to hold back when it comes to talking about their children’s number one health issue…and why you need to stay the course regardless.

They maintain complete radio silence (on parenting issues, anyway). When your child is small, it goes without saying that you’ll tell her what to do in most areas of her life—or at least make strong suggestions. But as kids grow into their tweens and teens, this autocratic approach often falls by the wayside. Since teens are supposed to start making their own decisions and growing into their independence, some formerly-involved moms and dads believe that they can stop being parents and start being friends. And “friends,” their reasoning goes, would accept one another as-is instead of bringing up sensitive issues like excess weight.

“There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to cultivate a fun, positive relationship with your kids, but never forget that being your child’s buddy is not your primary function,” Stone insists. “A parent’s job is to provide guidance, love, support, and effective preparation for life, even if that causes temporary resentment. Good parenting means recognizing that children have issues and then guiding them lovingly to effective solutions. And while good parents listen to their children’s input and take their feelings into account, they also know that raising a child isn’t a democratic process.”

They want to spare their children’s feelings. It’s something of an understatement to say that your child’s wellbeing is important to you. The last thing you want to do is cause him any sort of hurt. For that simple reason—a reluctance to see their children in emotional pain—many parents avoid telling their kids that their weight is unhealthy. They are unwilling to, as the saying goes, be cruel in order to be kind.

“Just as effective parenting isn’t about being a friend, it’s also not about sparing feelings,” asserts Stone. “On some level, parents know that if a child is very sensitive about a subject, that’s exactly why we should be talking to them. Letting children continue to feel shame, humiliation, and embarrassment because they (or you) don’t want to talk is only compounding the problem. In other words, avoidance is a symptom that you don’t want to reinforce. It’s a bit like locking the door on a house that’s on fire and pretending it isn’t burning. Remember, not facing a fire doesn’t put it out.”

They know that food isn’t a clear-cut “bad guy.” Remember those statistics on parents who avoid tough talks? Twenty-five percent are reluctant to discuss weight problems, while 10 percent avoid the sex talk, and only 5 percent struggle with addressing drugs and alcohol. There’s a good reason for the disparity in those numbers: sex, drugs, and alcohol are choices that don’t have to be pursued, whereas everyone has to eat. Talking about food in negative terms is much more dicey.

“It’s a lot easier to talk about drugs rather than weight because there’s a moral structure to the discussion,” points out Stone. “Using illegal drugs is wrong, and therefore the guideline is much more concrete for parents to set forth and enforce. But neither weight nor eating are moral choices; they are a function of everyday decisions. St. Augustine said that ‘Abstinence is easier than perfect moderation,’ and of course, he was right.”

They don’t know how to help. Knowing that your child’s weight is unhealthy is one thing. Knowing how to make positive changes is another. Understandably, many parents are reluctant to broach the subject of their kids being overweight because they simply don’t know what to say to effectively guide their children. After all, with incredibly lucrative industries revolving around health and weight loss, parents (as well as kids) are faced with a massive amount of often-conflicting information about how to best proceed.

“It’s one thing to address the issue, but being unsure of where it’s going and what advice to give can certainly inhibit the discussion,” admits Stone. “It’s important to understand that in reality, weight management is about many aspects of lifestyle ranging from sleep to stress management, not just food and exercise. Meanwhile, the average parent is still stuck in a ‘fat culture’ that revolves around the concept of diet, rather than understanding that this is about more far-reaching behaviors and the whole person. That’s why MindStream Academy rejects the concept of being an extended fat camp for children to drop weight, and instead focuses on teaching a healthy lifestyle. Parents can take a page from MindStream’s book by researching and learning about holistic health.”

They have their own weight issues. In a culture in which 70 percent of people are overweight if not obese, many parents struggle with the problem of carrying extra pounds themselves. If that’s the case in your family, you—the pot—may be (understandably) reluctant to call the kettle black. Plus, you probably know that the “do as I say, not as I do” strategy doesn’t tend to work over the long term. And, toughest of all to admit, you might realize that doing something about your child’s weight will force you to tackle your own as well.

“Parents inevitably bring their own feelings about weight to the table, which can certainly prevent meaningful discussion,” points out Stone. “Often, they too feel helpless and thus not in a position to give advice. Also, raising your own child can elicit emotionally fraught memories from your own childhood. If weight has been a lifelong issue for you, you’ll instinctively try to avoid those resurrected emotions. Remember, though, while you cannot change the past, you do have the power to create a better future for yourself and for your child.”

“Once they realize that it’s dangerous to put off the weight talk, many parents believe that they can safely leave the discussion to the family doctor, pediatrician, or other health professional,” adds Stone. “Getting professional input is a great idea, especially if nothing else is working. But know, though, that research suggests that health professionals also have difficulties raising sensitive issues with their teenage patients.

“Ultimately, while others might talk to your children about weight, the most important discussion they can have is with you. That’s because parents control the health environment at home and establish the wellness culture in the family. They are in a position to actually do something about the obstacles their kids are facing. And given that your children’s lives are quite literally on the line, avoiding the subject is a terrible abrogation of parental responsibility.”

Read Part Two: Eight Tips for Approaching the “Weight Talk”

By Dr. Julie Chen

Are New Year’s resolutions truly meant to be broken or are we supposed to just make more realistic ones? Every year, my patients come into my clinic with summaries of their goals for their health in the upcoming new year…but unfortunately, the same staunch resolution in their voices start to sound like waning interest when discussed again months later. So, how can we possibly get ourselves to stick to our health resolutions for 2012?

The most common reason why we can’t stick to our New Year’s resolutions is typically because they are not specific enough. Another reason is that because they are too vague (and hence too difficult to execute to the point where you are consistently getting positive feedback in the form of tangible improvements), that lack of measurable advancement causes you to lose interest in the initial goal.

For example, if you created a company and your resolution is to “make it be successful and make a lot of money,” you would have a hard time making that happen without more specifics right? Like, how will you make it successful, what will you do for marketing, what is your product, what is your budget for each department, and how will you make money, just to name a few issues.

Health resolutions are the same…you need to clarify the specifics. For example, when you say you’ll “eat less junk food,” you need to change that resolution to something more achievable and less vague. Such as, “I will not buy junk food to keep in the house” or “I will give myself 10 minutes before giving into a craving and drink a cup of water first” or “I will always go for a walk or do jumping jacks or do push-ups for five minutes before I give in to a craving to see if I can bypass that craving with exercise.”

These more specific examples of health resolutions will allow you to actually work towards one goal and be able to achieve that instead of saying “I will eat less” or “workout more.” Because what is “less” or “more”? When the resolution is vague, people are less likely to stick to it. But when it is specific, such as “I will always eat vegetables and drink a glass of water at the beginning of every meal before I eat anything else,” it is easier to make sure you do exactly that…and these little habit changes amount to a lot of health improvement in the long run.

So, when you are surrounded by friends and family or if you are cozy in your pajamas on New Year’s Eve as you ring in the New Year, just remember that your resolution doesn’t have to be a grand gesture of any kind…just a simple specific promise to yourself will be enough.

Ultimately, simple, practical, and most importantly, do-able changes in your life are the changes that will lead you to tremendous health benefits. And as you see tangible health improvements and feel your clothes becoming looser on your more toned and trim body, these measurable benefits will help you to maintain that staunch resolution and excitement you get in January well into the summer months and beyond!

Dr. Julie T. Chen, M.D. an integrative medicine physician who is board-certified in internal medicine and is also fellowship-trained and board-certified in integrative medicine. She has her own medical practice in San Jose, CA, is the medical director of corporation wellness at several Silicon Valley-based corporations, is on several medical expert panels of websites as well as non-profit organizations, is a recurring monthly columnist for several national magazines, and has been featured in radio, TV, newspaper, and magazine interviews. She incorporates many types of healing modalities into her practice including, but is not limited to, medical acupuncture, Chinese scalp acupuncture, clinical hypnotherapy, strain-counterstrain osteopathic manipulations, and biofeedback. To learn more about Dr. Julie, you can check out her website at www.makinghealthyez.com.

50 Ways to Get Real In the Upcoming Year – Part One

Insights from Kathleen McIntire and artist Erin Cote

au•then•tic  [aw-then-tik]

adjective

1. not false or copied; genuine; real

-Dictionary.com

Authenticity. It’s one of those words that gets tossed around quite a bit these days. (In fact, it’s in danger of becoming a bit of a cliché.) Sure, we all think we’re authentic in our words and actions. But what does it actually mean? More to the point, what does an authentic life really look like? Kathleen McIntire and Erin Cote share the following tips for “getting real” in various areas of your life:

YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF

“We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.” Barbara de Angelis

• Come to terms with what really matters to you. Get comfortable with it. Maybe you’re okay with a smaller income and more free time. Maybe you’re okay with an extra 20 pounds. Never apologize for not “fitting in.” The minute you find yourself worrying about how others perceive you is the minute you abandon authenticity.

• Whatever you decide to do (or not to do), own your decision. If you find you can’t own it—if you feel wracked with guilt or compelled to hide the truth from those around you—it’s time to re-think what you’re doing.

• If in your journey to authenticity you decide a lifestyle change is needed, be realistic in your goal-setting. Let’s say you decide your diet, heavy in fats and processed foods, isn’t serving you well. If you know you aren’t going to grow an organic garden in your back yard, set a goal to prepare a body- and soul-nourishing meal (heavy on the veggies and supplemented with organically raised meat) two days a week at first. It’s best to take “baby steps” and plan to make more dramatic changes when you’re ready. In this way you’ll build the confidence you need to succeed.

• Break an unwritten “rule” made by others and reject any shame. Allowing others to shame us keeps us living on the treadmill and trying to fit in by doing it the “right way.” Authenticity is inner directed. Inauthenticity comes from caring what others think and letting the external dictate how you live.

• Ask yourself, “What am I hiding?” Make the choice to reveal something you’ve been fiercely protecting. Chip away at the armor by sharing a secret with partner or a friend or maybe just your cat or your journal.

• It’s okay to do things for yourself. Honor your own needs. Sometimes we all need a massage or a new handbag or just a couple of hours alone while our spouse takes the kids to a movie.

• Give yourself permission to have feelings that you think you “shouldn’t” have. Should and shouldn’t have no place in an authentic life.

• Get real about money. Spending what you can’t afford to spend is another way of pretending to be who we aren’t. It’s also a disaster in the making!

• Take a break from the need to DO something. Simply BE. Simply show up as you are and love.

• Know when you’re at your best and when you’re not. (When you’re not, it’s almost always the perfect time for a bath or a nap!)

• Call a moratorium on victim talk. Authentic people don’t blame others. They recognize their own power and use it to create their own reality.

• Own your emotions. If you can’t help crying in confrontational situations, let the tears flow. If you’re devastated when a pet dies, accept condolences without apologizing or minimizing. You feel what you feel…let go of the label of being “too sensitive.”

• Each week, spend some time outside. When we disconnect from Nature, we disconnect from Source. We’re creatures of the Earth and it’s hard to thrive in an artificial world.

• Declutter a little (people and “stuff”). When you’re too busy trying to manage chaos you can’t relax enough to even know who you are and what you need and want. (Do you really love Grandma’s china? If you don’t, give it to someone who does. Are you really going to fit into those size 8 jeans ever again? If not, get rid of them!)

• Seize every opportunity to say, “I love you”—to yourself. Until we can fully love ourselves, we can’t fully love the others in our life.

About the Authors:

Kathleen McIntire is a transformational teacher, speaker, and healer who is dedicated to bringing forth truth, liberation, and awakening. She is the author and creator of Guiding Signs 101, a set of divination cards and guidebook using everyday road signs to tap into your intuition and own inner guidance.

Kathleen is the producer of two upcoming Mayan films. The first, Mayan Renaissance, is being made by PeaceJam, an international education program for youth built around leading Nobel Peace Laureates. The other film is The Unification of Wisdom and 2012. In the near future she will be a presenter on the Womens Empowerment (WE) Channel on the CANDO Networks. Kathleen’s website addresses are www.soaringinlight.com and www.guidingsigns101.com.

Erin Cote has been involved in creative design for over a decade. Her main focus is on bringing humor and playfulness to professional environments. Through Laughter Therapy she teaches others about the importance of play and laughter. As the founder of ULaugh, Erin conducts laughter presentations and workshops in Northern California for the public, businesses, and hospitals.

Together, Erin and Kathleen bring their talents of wisdom, design, and playfulness into the creation of Guiding Signs 101. Erin can be contacted through her website at: www.UlaughAlot.com or through www.GuidingSigns101.com.

Read more in Part Two: Authentic Friendships

In the last week, I have had multiple female patients ask me about the recent study suggesting an association between alcohol and breast cancer. With the holiday season already in full swing and the alcohol flowing at numerous holiday parties, it would make sense that this recent study would bring about concern for the women in my clinic.

In a recent study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association that looked at more than 100,000 women enrolled in the Nurses’ Health Study, women who drank between three to six glasses of wine per week had a 15 percent increased risk of breast cancer.

The study also suggests that with each 10 grams of alcohol consumed per day, there is a 10 percent increase in risk of breast cancer and that the cumulative amount of alcohol consumed in adulthood is a significant predictor of overall risk.

Within the study, there did not seem to be a difference in the type of alcohol consumed, so overall consumption amount over a lifetime seemed most important.

The hypothesis of why this linkage is important stems from alcohol’s potential effects on estrogen levels. It remains to be seen whether women who stop drinking alcohol later in life then reap the benefit of decreased breast cancer risk. Further studies will be needed to elucidate some of the remaining questions we have regarding study results such as this.

Because prior studies suggest potential cardiovascular benefits with one glass of red wine per night, women are now left with the question of should they or should they not drink alcohol.

My recommendation is to keep in mind your family history and your personal health history and judge based on that.

I also recommend that you keep in mind that this study looks at overall cumulative impact of a life-time of alcohol consumption. So, the rare glass of wine should not be a problem…but if you are consistently having a glass of wine every night, then you should have a discussion with your physician about your risks.

The reason that physicians emphasize the need to keep alcohol intake to less than three glasses per week is because it is easier for patients to remember this than to try to remember to keep overall consumption down to a minimum in a lifetime. By aiming for less than three drinks per week, it will be easier for patients to make sure that they are keeping their alcohol intake to a minimum.

So, when you are at your holiday parties this season, consider keeping your alcohol intake to just a glass per party and this issue may no longer have to be an issue in your mind…so you can free up your mind for more pressing matters like how to entertain your family members without feeling stressed.

Dr. Julie T. Chen, M.D. an integrative medicine physician who is board-certified in internal medicine and is also fellowship-trained and board-certified in integrative medicine. She has her own medical practice in San Jose, CA, is the medical director of corporation wellness at several Silicon Valley-based corporations, is on several medical expert panels of websites as well as non-profit organizations, is a recurring monthly columnist for several national magazines, and has been featured in radio, TV, newspaper, and magazine interviews. She incorporates many types of healing modalities into her practice including, but is not limited to, medical acupuncture, Chinese scalp acupuncture, clinical hypnotherapy, strain-counterstrain osteopathic manipulations, and biofeedback. To learn more about Dr. Julie, you can check out her website at www.makinghealthyez.com

By Dr. Dean Ornish

The holidays are a time for…overeating? It would seem that way, given the latest statistics.

• • Americans gain 1 to 1½ pounds annually during the holiday season

• • Leading health experts believe most midlife weight gain comes from poor holiday eating habits

To help fight holiday weight gain, best-selling author and health expert Dr. Dean Ornish created this list of 16 Steps to Healthy Holiday Eating.

“How to Indulge During the Holidays”

• 1. Eat something beforehand. If you don’t eat all day, you may arrive at holiday meals and parties ravenous and lose control.

• 2. Put 20 percent fewer high-calorie foods and 20 percent more fruits and vegetables on your plate. Studies show that you probably won’t notice the difference.

• 3. Eat the healthier foods first – they will fill you up somewhat, so you’ll be less likely to overeat the more indulgent foods.

• 4. Choose foods that leave evidence – e.g., keep the shrimp tails and chicken wing bones on your plate after you’ve eaten them. Studies show that if you have cues to see how much you’ve eaten, you’ll eat less.

• 5. Try not to put more than two or three items on your plate at one time. We eat more when food is in front of us.

• 6. Eat more slowly. The faster we eat, the more we eat. Sip water between bites. Holiday meals last longer than typical meals. If you wolf down your food, your plate may be clean while others are still eating, which will lead to seconds.

• 7. If you have a choice, use a smaller plate!

• 8. If you’re at someone’s home, try to serve yourself instead of allowing your relative to heap your plate full.

• 9. Arrive a little late and make a grand entrance. More of the indulgent foods will be gone by then.

• 10. If you go to a restaurant, ask your server not to put bread on the table beforehand. If it’s there, you’ll probably eat it. Leave more room for your favorite holiday foods instead.

• 11. Substitute cranberry sauce for gravy, which is usually high in fat and calories. Cranberry sauce is nutritious and loaded with antioxidants.

• 12. If you eat baked potatoes and yams, avoid toppings such as butter, cheese, bacon and sour cream. If possible, substitute low-fat yogurt or nonfat sour cream.

• 13. Watch the alcohol, which is high in calories and slows your metabolism. Also, too much alcohol can impair judgment, so the more you drink, the more you’re likely to eat.

• 14. Close your eyes and savor the food periodically during the meal. You’ll consume fewer calories and experience more pleasure.

• 15. Have just a few bites of dessert. The first and last bites are always the best, anyway.

• 16. Take a walk after dinner. You don’t have to hike five miles. A stroll around the block is a good start. Walking not only burns calories, it also helps relieve bloating and prevent heartburn.

For more information, and additional tips from Dr. Ornish on how to make healthy choices throughout the holiday season, visit www.marshealthyliving.com. I’m reaching out on behalf of Mars.

1.  Reflect on Positive Past Events

Cultivating and maintaining a peaceful, calm and optimistic life must be a goal of paramount importance.  Distractions and life’s distresses both small and large, most definitely including those work, financial and relationship-related, will pull you away from this goal each and every time you allow it.  Your thoughts are the training ground and spring board for your overall disposition and perspective on life.  Many accomplished people never pause to revel in or acknowledge their past successes.  They are constantly striving for what’s next. While not entirely a bad thing, when your desire to achieve and earn becomes bigger than your desire to BE, your existence will be likened to a hamster running in an endless circle, never at peace and never at a point of rest.

2.  Have a Giving Heart and Spirit

Most know that giving back to society and those in need is one of the most meaningful activities we can engage in – making us feel happy and optimistic about life.  In fact, many very successful people also believe that giving is directly tied to their luck and success up ahead.  Having a giving heart and spirit not only creates more opportunities for you to provide for others, but doing so allows more opportunities for your continued success to manifest in your life, and others: what impacts one impacts us all.  Achievement, earnings and accomplishments come from the work of our hands and minds, but true success and fulfillment comes from giving of the heart.  Not just donating your time through charitable work or financial donations, but also allocating precious time to family and friends.  Being present and accessible to loved ones is the ultimate gift for others…and yourself.

3.  Happy is a Choice; Contentment and Joy are Lifestyles

One of the definitions of the word overwhelmed is “to give too much of a thing.” When you truly desire to live a life that is fulfilled in all areas, you are destined to have more to do than you have the time, energy, and ability or help to accomplish or complete. The feeling of being overwhelmed is when you have what you need and are overflowing with what you want. When you have so much success, opportunity, potential, clients, projects, options, prosperity that you can’t “handle” or manage everything, your reaction is that you are overwhelmed. So what about those times when you’re overwhelmed with challenges, struggles, health issues, and other life concerns? Know the plan for your life is perfect and the struggles are never to defeat you but to make you stronger and uncover your true power. Surrender and find peace living in the overflow, joy and abundance of being overwhelmed.

4.  Tap Your Inner Courage

Stepping out of your fears and into your greatness requires great courage. Sometimes we are so busy with the work of life that we don’t sit still and take the time to listen to our heart. Being courageous means not allowing life to steal, kill, or destroy your dreams, hopes, aspirations, and plans but living in the now, the moment, the presence of your power to receive life, and the fullness of all life has to offer and even more abundantly. It takes courage to be honest with yourself, acknowledge your personal truth, and be present in your quest to live that truth. Living in the fullness and joy of who you are – and want to be – takes true grit.

5.  Live Exponentially

Exponential Living is achieved through excellence in your Personal, Spiritual, and Emotional health, and balance in all aspects of your life – with yourself and others. It is achieved by building and maintaining spirituality; loving and caring for yourself (hobbies, exercise, “me” time); spending quality time with and appreciating yourself and your family; recognizing your success; and living in your own truth. When living exponentially you are comfortable with who you are, separate from what you do. It’s when you live in a state of true contentment, being present with yourself and others while also pursuing and maintaining excellence in all aspects of your life.

Sheri Riley’s Exponential Living program is a ground-breaking initiative that helps individuals create balance among life’s key areas in ways that promote a higher standard of excellence. Learn more online at www.exponentialliving.com.

This article is excerpted from the Holiday Gift Guide for 2011. Be sure and check it out and read other articles about the holidays. It’s also great to add to your online shopping experience! While you are at it check out Design is Everywhere and Home Buyer Academy Ads today!

Tough Love Author Shares Tips for Disarming the Debbie Downers

For those of us from families built on Debbie Downer DNA, there’s only one direction a mood can go during holiday get-togethers and that’s down.

Sure, the running negative commentary, bubble-bursting barbs and rampant self-pity were funny coming from comedian Rachel Dratch on “Saturday Night Live’s” Debbie Downer sketches. But few of us can foresee our own Negative Nancys giving us a good belly laugh.

Whether you’re the smiley face among frowners, or a bit of a Depressing Dan yourself, there are tricks you can use to keep the table talk from getting lethal, says Paula Renaye, a professional life coach and author of The Hardline Self Help Handbook, (www.hardlineselfhelp.com).

“You can take control simply by thinking about what you choose to say – or not say,” Renaye says. “If you hear yourself criticizing, judging or complaining, you’re part of the problem. Happy, self-respecting people don’t find it necessary to dump on others to make themselves feel good.”

“If someone else is the problem, simply don’t give them the ammunition they need,” she says. Instead try these tactics:

• Do not say anything negative. Period. And no one-downing! One-downing is the opposite of one-upping. It’s the art of coming up with something worse when someone else talks about their problem. No matter what negative thing anyone says, or how much you agree with it or don’t, resist the urge to respond with a negative. Instead ….

• Dodge, distract and detour. Turn things around with a question — a positive one. If you need to, make a “happy list” of questions before you go, so you’ll have some at the ready. And remember, there’s no law that says you have to answer a question just because someone asked it. With negative people, it’s best if you …

• Do not talk about yourself. The only reason negative people care about what you’re up to is because they want something to ridicule, brag or gossip about to make themselves look or feel good. Don’t go there. Whether you just filed bankruptcy or won a Nobel Prize, keep it to yourself. No good can come of it. None. And why do you need to chatter like a chipmunk about yourself anyway? Might want to think on that one, too. Better to find some praise for someone else than to expect someone to praise you.

• Do not share your woes. Even if you’re in a tough place and could really use a shoulder to cry on, don’t start laying your woes on a Negative Nell. Even in a weak moment, when you’ve had a terrible day, talking about it with a negative person is a bad idea. You might get a microsecond of sympathy, but that’s only so they can launch into telling you how much worse they have it. So, no talking about yourself unless you want to be the talk of the party, the family and the town.

• Do your homework and become like Teflon. Think of the times people said things that made you feel bad or made you feel the need to defend or explain yourself. If you want to avoid going down that trail again, start hacking away at the jungle of your own emotions. Get over needing anyone’s approval or blessing. If you are still waiting for negative relatives to validate you, you’re in for a long wait. Don’t set yourself up to be miserable. Get over it and go prepared.

About Paula Renaye - Former eggshell-walker, emotionally-bankrupt wreck and utter failure at keeping her world from falling apart, Paula Renaye uses her journey out of despair into joy as a breadcrumb trail for others. She has been a consultant for 18 years, holds a degree in financial planning with a background in journalism and psychology, and is a member of the International Association of Coaches. Paula is the multi-award-winning author of The Hardline Self Help Handbook.

This article is excerpted from the Holiday Gift Guide for 2011. Be sure and check it out and read other articles about the holidays. It’s also great to add to your online shopping experience! While you are at it check out Kathleen Gage’s offer  from this year’s gift guide:

Visit Kathleen Gage’s Spiritual Blog too!

Become a Calculating Person

Even if we don’t look at the calendar, the changing color of the leaves reminds us that winter is setting in. Once Thanksgiving is over, Hanukkah, Christmas and Kwanzaa will be followed by celebrations for the New Year. And don’t forget the eating ritual associated with Super Bowl Sunday in early February!

For the next few months, the spotlight on food-especially treats and special indulgences-will be relentless. Social gatherings and nonstop advertising will reinforce the message that we should be splurging without limitation.

Millions of people with diabetes or prediabetes will be exposed to greater temptations than ever. And those who suffer from seasonal affective disorder (SAD), triggered by shorter (and darker) days, will be struggling with depression as well.

Given this background, we need a strategy for maintaining a focus on eating healthfully and exercising regularly. Otherwise, we’ll be like the two heavyset ladies in the cartoon, looking into a bakery window. One says to the other, “Let’s just go in and see what happens.”

We all know that holiday fare is so darn tempting, especially when traditional favorites appear on the dining table. How can you resist?

One way is to translate bites of food into the number of steps it takes to work off the calories. Before you take that bite, check out these numbers:

Item Steps

Mashed potatoes, one serving 1,540 calories

Chocolate ice cream, one serving 1,980 calories

Macaroni and cheese, one serving 2,640 calories

Chocolate chip cookie, one 2,520 calories

Milk chocolate bar, 6 ounces 2,520 calories

Potato chips, 16 pieces 1,800 calories

Beer, 12 ounces 1,680 calories

Cola, 12 ounces. 1,680 calories

Pretzels, 10 small pieces 132 calories

Navel orange, one 828 calories

As one woman said, “The holidays are like having a bakery or candy store chained to the ankle.” She added that to get through the holidays without weight gain, “I remind myself that celebrating is not about gluttony, and the holidays somehow come and go successfully without cookies, candy and huge banquets. Decorations, friends and family contain zero fat grams.”

Only you can decide your course of action. You can walk into the holidays and “see what happens,” or you can become proactive in promoting your health and fitness.

As a calculating person, your choices are clear. Go ahead and indulge-and plan to add a few thousand extra steps to your daily exercise. Or forgo that tempting piece of chocolate that is sweetly calling your name so you won’t have to add extra (and precious) minutes to your exercise routine. Whatever your choice, happy holidays!

Carole Carson is the author of “From Fat to Fit: Turn Yourself into a Weapon of Mass Reduction” and the national coach for the AARP Fat 2 Fit online community. Visit www.fromfat2fit.com for more information.

This article is excerpted from the Holiday Gift Guide for 2011. Be sure and check it out and read other articles about the holidays. It’s also great to add to your online shopping experience! While you are at it check out these two vendors in this year’s gift guide (one for the body and one for the soul). Click on the title above each ad to be taken to their site:

Tenevis by Good Feet

Jo McCay

By Dr. Julie T. Chen, M.D.

Throughout my clinical practice years, I have always said to my patients that I don’t believe in cookie-cutter medicine. Every person and body is different and hence treatment regimens should be individually tailored to every patient. A recent study has made it easier for me to further ingrain that idea into the minds of my patients when they come into my clinic with the idea that if their friend is taking something, then that’s the only thing that would work for them.

In a recent study at Duke University, scientists recently found that how we respond to certain medications, such as the cholesterol-lowering medication called simvastatin, may be determined by our gut bacteria. The results were published in PLos ONE on October 13, 2011 and it demonstrated that gut bacteria can cause differences in how people digest and metabolize different drugs and substances; hence drug effectiveness can differ from person to person based on that.

Within this study, they identified three bile acids produced by gut bacteria that altered medication response such that the effectiveness of the drug differs. What is ground-breaking about this study is the idea that drug effects differ from person to person and is personalized because we are all physiologically somewhat different and a medication effect on any given patient is in fact not going to be cookie-cutter or identical amongst various patients.

This concept is called ‘metabolomics.’ It’s the science of examining the multitude of biochemical components involved in cellular metabolism and its effect on health. It is essentially an examination of personalized medicine and how every person may respond differently to various treatments due to the uniqueness of each of our individual physiological factors. The reason we may respond differently to any given treatment or medicine may be more than our genetics; it may also be due to other physiological factors such as our microflora.

What is interesting about this finding is that we may be looking forward to an era where drugs will target specific sub-populations instead of assuming all of our physiology is cookie-cutter.

We may be seeing a growth in the industry of diagnostic studies that help us to fine-tune our medication regimens toward more personalized physiological factors; as well as pharmaceuticals that derive optimal results from our body’s individualized micro-environments instead of medications that are presumed to function the same in every body.

It’s comforting to finally see medicine take on the obvious assumption that we all know when we interact with other people in our life; that every person we meet is slightly different and hence our relationships are different from person to person.

So, if inherent differences in people are easily recognized in social interactions, isn’t it about time that these obvious inherent differences seen in people are taken into consideration when we choose medications and treatment regimens? I think it’s a long time in waiting to finally see medicine catch up to the concept that our bodies just like our personalities are not cookie-cutter; thus medications and treatments shouldn’t be either.

Dr. Julie T. Chen, M.D. an integrative medicine physician who is board-certified in internal medicine and is also fellowship-trained and board-certified in integrative medicine. She has her own medical practice in San Jose, CA, is the medical director of corporation wellness at several Silicon Valley-based corporations, is on several medical expert panels of websites as well as non-profit organizations, is a recurring monthly columnist for several national magazines, and has been featured in radio, TV, newspaper, and magazine interviews. She incorporates many types of healing modalities into her practice including, but is not limited to, medical acupuncture, Chinese scalp acupuncture, clinical hypnotherapy, strain-counterstrain osteopathic manipulations, and biofeedback. To learn more about Dr. Julie, you can check out her website at www.makinghealthyez.com.

“Gobble up” these insider tips and show highlights:

• Savor lighter holiday staples – THE DOCTORS hosts celebrity trainer and chef Jesse Brune, who shares healthy organic, whole grain recipes that utilize coconut oil and coconut milk (no dairy or animal fat). And they actually taste better than the classics! Recipes will be available at www.thedoctorstv.com after the show airs. Dishes shared, include:

o Butternut squash soup shooters

o Organic yams

o Green bean casserole with non-fat Greek yogurt

o Heirloom mashed potatoes

o Whole grain stuffing

o Turkey meatloaf cupcakes, topped with mashed potato “frosting”

o Pumpkin pie parfait

• Avoid the Turkey Day daze – When the Thanksgiving “food coma” hits, don’t blame the turkey! Eating a large amount of any food will direct all blood flow to the stomach and intestines, setting in motion the “rest and digest” phase of the parasympathetic nervous system. To avoid the “over-stuffed” feeling:

o Prevention is key:

 Pause before that second helping

 Consider donating leftover food to a local shelter

 Drink a glass of water before the meal and eat up to 20% less food

o If you do overindulge:

 Eat a bit of pineapple or papaya, or consider adding them to your holiday recipes; their digestive enzymes will help break up all consumed foods faster

 Drink a glass of peppermint tea to help sooth an upset stomach and relieve indigestion

• Serve it right – Bringing out the “nice” china for Thanksgiving dinner guests is great, but if the dishes were made before 1971, test them for lead, using a simple, at-home system that can be purchased at any hardware store. Also, be weary of cooking with older pans:

o Never preheat a non-stick pan without food on it at a high temperature

o Use stainless steel, if possible

o Turn on the overhead fan to help dissipate toxic fumes

o Never use metal utensils on non-stick pans

Note: WE magazine for women wants to thank the public relations firm MPRM Communications for sharing this with our readers. Be sure and tune in November 18th to see these tips in more detail.