(Heart-Shaped Candy Boxes Not Required!)

Feeling cynical or depressed about Valentine’s Day? Don’t, says intuitive psychologist Susan Apollon. Instead, use it as an opportunity to explore the meaning of pure love…and create a life of peace and joy.

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and if you listen closely you’ll hear America heave a collective sigh of resignation (from the couples who must run out and buy obligatory gifts) and gloom (from the singles who feel like hiding sulkily under the covers). Yes, many people dread this seemingly benign holiday more than a trip to the dentist. But intuitive psychologist Susan Apollon says not to look at Valentine’s Day as an occasion for enforced “romance” or mourning for your dormant love life. Instead, think of it as a day to celebrate the existence of love itself—pure, authentic, unconditional love—and all the rich rewards it brings.

“Love really isn’t about hearts and flowers and grand romantic gestures,” says Apollon, author of Touched by the Extraordinary, Book Two: Healing Stories of Love, Loss & Hope.. “It isn’t about who got who the best gift, or who has a partner and who doesn’t. Love is a way of living. And Valentine’s Day can be more than a reminder that someone loves you; it can serve as an affirmation that you are totally lovable, loving, adored, and special all year long.”

In other words, let Valentine’s Day be a day in which you focus wholeheartedly on your ability to give and receive love. You don’t need to have a spouse or romantic partner in order to do this. You can love your coworkers, your neighbors, your pets, the clerk at the grocery store—anyone and everyone—but especially yourself.

Keep reading to learn how to rev up your love quotient this Valentine’s Day:

Commit to Unconditional Love: To You, From You. It may be a cliché but it is very, very true: until you love yourself you can’t fully love another person. And too many of us beat ourselves up for not being thin enough or pretty enough or smart enough—and worse, we may even use the fact that we are romantically unattached (or in a bad relationship) to validate that low opinion. This is tragic, says Apollon. Whether single or involved, it is vital that you truly understand the value of loving yourself unconditionally. Self-love is the key to achieving all other love and finding happiness in its many forms.

“There must be no conditions for loving yourself,” insists Apollon. “Being lovable and capable of loving is never about having a great body, a high-profile job, or tons of money. There are no strings attached to your adoring your whole self: body, mind, and spirit. There is only the need for you to view yourself as the exquisite miracle you really are. Allow Valentine’s Day to be a reminder of who you are. Love yourself first, because you are your most significant other.”

Get High This Valentine’s Day—High Energy, That is! If you’re wondering what love really is, Apollon says, it’s energy. Everything is energy, in fact, and love is one of the highest energies. So, when you choose to become your own priority and love yourself unconditionally, you will vibrate at an astoundingly higher energy level. The result is that you feel wonderful and life becomes a delicious adventure. Your love for yourself enables you to walk with your head held high and your heart full and healed. You’ll feel grounded, centered, and stable—and these good feelings will affect those around you.

If you’re wondering how to reach that high level of energy, Apollon says the answer is simple: do things that feel good. You might buy yourself a beautiful bouquet of flowers, for instance, or a nice pair of silk pajamas, or a day at the spa. Or place notes all around you that remind you of how loving and special you are…that you are a Beautiful Soul…and that you are loved. It may seem silly, but it works.

Breathe in Love—Not Just on Valentine’s Day, But Every Day. Apollon suggests that each morning and evening you take a few moments to focus on your breathing in and out—long, deep, relaxing breaths—with the intention of helping you shift to a higher energy. Visualize yourself breathing in loving energy from the Universe. See this flowing into every cell and feel the warm, loving impact.

“Picture the Universe, your own Soul, Higher Wisdom, God, or your angels being present for you and feel their embrace—the embrace of love,” she says. “Sit with this and really feel the amazing warm, healing energy of this embrace. It is so powerful!”

Affirm and Visualize Love. Imagine that you are a half-inflated balloon. Most of us live our day-to-day lives in this love-less state of under-inflation. Now envision your soul filling up with love. Affirm your worth several times a day by stating silently or out loud: I am love, I am lovable, and I am loving. Your love for yourself enables you to feel the powerful energy of love even in your cells. As you make your affirmations, visualize these feelings of love permeating every cell of your being. You are love, and you deserve the joy of giving and receiving pure love.

Incorporate Your Own Strengths into Your Affirmations. You are a unique creation worthy of universal energy and love. Everyone is blessed with different attributes and a great way to fill yourself up with self-love is to remind yourself of all your fabulous qualities. Practice affirmations about your own uniqueness that makes you worth loving. A few examples are: I am passionate, I am a great mother, I am ready to be loved, I give fabulous advice, and I am full of creativity.

Face, Embrace, and Replace Grief…and Practice Forgiveness. The energy of love does not mesh comfortably with the energy of anger, pain, guilt, and unresolved conflicts or issues, says Apollon. Therefore, you must release any old grievances in order to vibrate on a higher energetic plane. Valentine’s Day should bring for you a reminder that we are all here for love and that love begins first with forgiveness of yourself and others who have in the past treated you poorly. Face your negative energy and acknowledge it. When you are ready, replace old grief with love and just savor the vast difference this shift makes in your life!

If you need a mantra to help you release the pain that holds you down, Apollon suggests you say to yourself: I love myself enough to let you go now. I choose to detach from carrying you around with me, weighing me down and disabling me from moving on and having a good life. I forgive you and I forgive me. I am truly sorry but I must let you go. I surrender you to the Universe. I choose to be free of any attachments that keep me from experiencing the peace and joy to which I am entitled.

Release Your Attachment to Your Vision of Prince or Princess Charming. If you spend Valentine’s Day hoping for an engagement ring, seething with resentment that your partner forgot that you prefer dark chocolate over milk chocolate, or daydreaming about that knight in shining armor who will sweep you away from your dreary life, you’re missing the whole point of love. Your attachments to an ideal only set you up for a fall when perfection fails to materialize. Remember, says Apollon, that real love (for yourself or others) doesn’t come with conditions. When you love unconditionally, you don’t need anything in return.

“We feel happy, we are lighter and unburdened when we release our expectations,” asserts Apollon. “Don’t spend Valentine’s Day hoping for roses, romance, or a note from a secret admirer. And married folks and those with partners need to realize that the person you love is not responsible for meeting your checklist of expectations for happiness. Instead put your focus on sending loving energy to everyone you know this day and every day. It will clear the metaphorical haze around you, so to speak and for the first time you will see and feel all the love you need.”

“Too many people use the fairy tale illusion of living happily-ever-after to define their inner worth,” says Apollon. “Know that true happiness can’t come to you in its many forms until you are able to accept it. Love is all around you and will manifest when you finally learn to let it permeate your spirit, by loving yourself and exuding love to everyone you know. Remember that love is what connects and sustains us all and gives life meaning. Living lovingly feels so good, and when you make the choice to do this, each day can feel like the best Valentine’s Day ever.”

As a psychologist and an author, Susan Apollon empowers and heals the body, mind, and soul; as an educator, she informs; as a speaker, she inspires and touches the heart.

For more than twenty-five years, Susan has been in private practice in Yardley, PA, evaluating and counseling adults, families, and children who are dealing with difficult life situations similar to what she has personally experienced, researched, and written about, including cancer, other health issues, trauma, and grief.

She integrates the gifts and challenges of having lived more than sixty-five years with the joy and satisfaction of being married for more than forty-four years to her husband, Warren, a practicing orthodontist, along with the role of being mom to her two adult children, Rebecca, an Emergency Medicine physician, and her son, David, a Management Consultant.

If your child is overweight, discussing that problem can be one of the most difficult conversations you’ll face as a parent. Sarah Stone lists several reasons why parents are hesitant to have the “weight talk” and presents compelling reasons for

overcoming that reluctance.

If you’re the parent of an overweight child, you probably feel like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, you know that your child’s health is in jeopardy and that you should take the lead in addressing this problem. But on the other hand, bringing up this touchy topic—not to mention figuring out how to make important lifestyle changes—is difficult, uncomfortable, and potentially embarrassing for all involved. If you’re like most parents in this situation, you probably find yourself putting off the “weight talk” for just a little while longer…and a little longer after that…and a little longer after that.

According to Sarah Stone, though, you’re making a big mistake. It’s time to stop stalling and start talking—for the sake of everyone involved.

“Communication is an essential part of effective parenting—but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy or enjoyable,” says Stone. “It certainly doesn’t help that most parents are never trained in this critical skill—especially when our children and sensitive topics are involved. And children’s weight in particular is too often the elephant in the room.”

The good news is, as the current director of operations at MindStream Academy (www.mindstreamacademy.com), a co-ed health and wellness boarding school for teens who want to get fit, lose weight, build self-esteem, better manage stress, and take control over their health and wellness destinies, Stone can shed some much-needed light on this tough topic.

First, she says, it’s helpful to understand that you’re not alone in feeling reluctant to discuss your child’s weight. In fact, a recent study conducted by FIT, a partnership of WebMD and Sanford Health, showed that about 5 percent of parents struggle when talking to their kids about drugs and alcohol and that 10 percent are uncomfortable talking about sex, but 25 percent are hesitant to discuss their children’s weight issues. In fact, many parents of eight to seventeen year-olds admit to avoiding the weight conversation altogether.

“These statistics are not surprising, but they are tragic,” says Stone. “The developing years are when the brain learns habits that will last a lifetime. So right now is when a lasting change can be made relatively easily. Frighteningly, though, if parents don’t act, the health habits of today’s children will only get worse from every conceivable angle—increased disease risk across the spectrum, poorer quality of life, and massive public and private expenditures that will weigh heavily on the economy and on the lifestyle of almost every citizen.”

No parents want their children to experience any of the problems Stone describes. To help you get over your reluctance to have the weight discussion, here are five reasons she says parents are likely to hold back when it comes to talking about their children’s number one health issue…and why you need to stay the course regardless.

They maintain complete radio silence (on parenting issues, anyway). When your child is small, it goes without saying that you’ll tell her what to do in most areas of her life—or at least make strong suggestions. But as kids grow into their tweens and teens, this autocratic approach often falls by the wayside. Since teens are supposed to start making their own decisions and growing into their independence, some formerly-involved moms and dads believe that they can stop being parents and start being friends. And “friends,” their reasoning goes, would accept one another as-is instead of bringing up sensitive issues like excess weight.

“There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to cultivate a fun, positive relationship with your kids, but never forget that being your child’s buddy is not your primary function,” Stone insists. “A parent’s job is to provide guidance, love, support, and effective preparation for life, even if that causes temporary resentment. Good parenting means recognizing that children have issues and then guiding them lovingly to effective solutions. And while good parents listen to their children’s input and take their feelings into account, they also know that raising a child isn’t a democratic process.”

They want to spare their children’s feelings. It’s something of an understatement to say that your child’s wellbeing is important to you. The last thing you want to do is cause him any sort of hurt. For that simple reason—a reluctance to see their children in emotional pain—many parents avoid telling their kids that their weight is unhealthy. They are unwilling to, as the saying goes, be cruel in order to be kind.

“Just as effective parenting isn’t about being a friend, it’s also not about sparing feelings,” asserts Stone. “On some level, parents know that if a child is very sensitive about a subject, that’s exactly why we should be talking to them. Letting children continue to feel shame, humiliation, and embarrassment because they (or you) don’t want to talk is only compounding the problem. In other words, avoidance is a symptom that you don’t want to reinforce. It’s a bit like locking the door on a house that’s on fire and pretending it isn’t burning. Remember, not facing a fire doesn’t put it out.”

They know that food isn’t a clear-cut “bad guy.” Remember those statistics on parents who avoid tough talks? Twenty-five percent are reluctant to discuss weight problems, while 10 percent avoid the sex talk, and only 5 percent struggle with addressing drugs and alcohol. There’s a good reason for the disparity in those numbers: sex, drugs, and alcohol are choices that don’t have to be pursued, whereas everyone has to eat. Talking about food in negative terms is much more dicey.

“It’s a lot easier to talk about drugs rather than weight because there’s a moral structure to the discussion,” points out Stone. “Using illegal drugs is wrong, and therefore the guideline is much more concrete for parents to set forth and enforce. But neither weight nor eating are moral choices; they are a function of everyday decisions. St. Augustine said that ‘Abstinence is easier than perfect moderation,’ and of course, he was right.”

They don’t know how to help. Knowing that your child’s weight is unhealthy is one thing. Knowing how to make positive changes is another. Understandably, many parents are reluctant to broach the subject of their kids being overweight because they simply don’t know what to say to effectively guide their children. After all, with incredibly lucrative industries revolving around health and weight loss, parents (as well as kids) are faced with a massive amount of often-conflicting information about how to best proceed.

“It’s one thing to address the issue, but being unsure of where it’s going and what advice to give can certainly inhibit the discussion,” admits Stone. “It’s important to understand that in reality, weight management is about many aspects of lifestyle ranging from sleep to stress management, not just food and exercise. Meanwhile, the average parent is still stuck in a ‘fat culture’ that revolves around the concept of diet, rather than understanding that this is about more far-reaching behaviors and the whole person. That’s why MindStream Academy rejects the concept of being an extended fat camp for children to drop weight, and instead focuses on teaching a healthy lifestyle. Parents can take a page from MindStream’s book by researching and learning about holistic health.”

They have their own weight issues. In a culture in which 70 percent of people are overweight if not obese, many parents struggle with the problem of carrying extra pounds themselves. If that’s the case in your family, you—the pot—may be (understandably) reluctant to call the kettle black. Plus, you probably know that the “do as I say, not as I do” strategy doesn’t tend to work over the long term. And, toughest of all to admit, you might realize that doing something about your child’s weight will force you to tackle your own as well.

“Parents inevitably bring their own feelings about weight to the table, which can certainly prevent meaningful discussion,” points out Stone. “Often, they too feel helpless and thus not in a position to give advice. Also, raising your own child can elicit emotionally fraught memories from your own childhood. If weight has been a lifelong issue for you, you’ll instinctively try to avoid those resurrected emotions. Remember, though, while you cannot change the past, you do have the power to create a better future for yourself and for your child.”

“Once they realize that it’s dangerous to put off the weight talk, many parents believe that they can safely leave the discussion to the family doctor, pediatrician, or other health professional,” adds Stone. “Getting professional input is a great idea, especially if nothing else is working. But know, though, that research suggests that health professionals also have difficulties raising sensitive issues with their teenage patients.

“Ultimately, while others might talk to your children about weight, the most important discussion they can have is with you. That’s because parents control the health environment at home and establish the wellness culture in the family. They are in a position to actually do something about the obstacles their kids are facing. And given that your children’s lives are quite literally on the line, avoiding the subject is a terrible abrogation of parental responsibility.”

Read Part Two: Eight Tips for Approaching the “Weight Talk”

Dr. Martha Howard’s Baker’s Dozen Guide

Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching. For those who’ve waited the last minute to plan the special date, fret no more. Chicago Healers Practitioner Martha Howard, M.D offers a variety of foods that would make a perfect feast for a romantic evening. Below is your Baker’s Dozen Guide of Aphrodisiac Foods for Valentine’s Day, including a preplanned menu.

• Chocolate: The Ultimate Aphrodisiac Food – Chocolate contains anandamide and phenylethylamine (PEA) which releases dopamine in the brain’s pleasure center, resulting in feelings of attraction, excitement and euphoric pleasure. It is no secret why the box of chocolates has been a customary Valentine’s gift!

• The Almond Joy – “Back in the old days” the scents of almonds was thought to arouse passion in women, and were regarded as fertility symbols. The “back in the day” people had the right idea. Almonds contain high levels of magnesium and vitamin E. Both of these supplements have been given to men and women going through IVF treatments and have increased fertilization rates from 19 to 29 percent.

• Arugula: It’s more than a garnish – Since the beginning of time, arugula has been used as an aphrodisiac. According to the Cambridge World History of Food, arugula was combined with grated orchid bulbs, parsnips, pine nuts and pistachios to make an ‘aphrodisiac mix.’

• Asparagus: The last supper – In 19th century France, on the eve of their wedding, grooms were served three courses of asparagus at their “bachelor” dinners. Asparagus contains folic acid which is known to boost histamine production notorious for enhancing performance on the wedding night.

• Avocado: The forbidden fruit – Catholic priests in Spain deemed avocados an outlawed food because they were thought to be so “obscenely sexual.” Avocado, like asparagus is high in folic acid which produces histamine. The fruit also has vitamin B6 and potassium, which calms the nerves and controls many body processes such as heart regulation.

• Bananas: Guilty by association – Bananas, like avocados and almonds, have potassium, B vitamins and magnesium. Its real claim to fame, however, is the bromeliad enzyme, which is traditionally known to boost male libido.

• Basil: Feed the senses – Basil not only makes food smell and taste better, it stimulates circulation causing the heart to beat faster.

• Figs: An Egyptian favorite – Cleopatra’s favorite fruit was thought to stimulate sexual arousal and increase fertility.

• Ginger: The aroma of desire – Ginger is another traditional aphrodisiac, because of its ability to increase circulation and desire.

• The Honey…moon – The word “honeymoon” comes from a custom in ancient Persia. Couples drank mead (liquor made from honey) daily for a month after marriage, to get them “in the mood.”

• Licorice: The love machine- In ancient China, it was believed that the smell of licorice would enhance feelings of love and lust.

• Oysters: It’s common knowledge – Oysters are the most celebrated of aphrodisiacs. Oysters have high zinc content. Zinc is known to help produce sperm and increase libido.

• Pine Nuts: Love potion number 9- Pine nuts have been used to stimulate the libido since medieval days. They are high in zinc, like oysters, and have been used for centuries in love potions.

Now that you have the ingredients, Dr. Howard provides you with the recipe that would ensure a romantic Valentine’s night!

• Appetizer: Oysters on the half shell

• Salad: Arugula, with figs, pine nuts, avocado, and a honey and ginger dressing

• Entrée: Spaghetti with tomato-basil sauce, with grilled asparagus

• Dessert: Chocolate¬ banana almond mousse

• After dinner mints: Licorice flavor

About Chicago Healers: Chicago Healers (www.ChicagoHealers.com) is the nation’s pioneer prescreened and integrative health care network, offering a comprehensive understanding of each practitioner’s services, approach and philosophy. Its holistic health experts teach and advocate natural and empowered health and life choices through their practices, the media, educational events, and the website. With close to 200 practitioners and over 300 treatment services, Chicago Healers has provided nearly 400 free educational events for Chicagoans and has been featured in 300+ TV news programs and print publications. For more information, visit www.ChicagoHealers.com.

This is Part Four of a four-part series on Living Authentically By Kathleen McIntire and Erin Cote

A lot of mothers will do anything for their children, except let them be themselves. Banksy

• Be as honest with your kids as you possibly can be without upsetting them with information too advanced for their ages. They can handle the truth when it’s expressed lovingly and in an age-appropriate way. Yes, Dad lost his job (but we won’t end up homeless). Yes, the shot will hurt a little (but only for a minute and it will be over).

• Are you perpetuating the myth of parental perfection? When you screw up, admit that you screwed up. Kids will respect and respond to your honesty.

• Pay attention to your child when he talks. Really listen. Tuning him out or humoring/half-listening sends the message that what he has to say is not important. Believe me, that’s a message he will hear loud and clear.

• Every day, make a sincere effort to truly engage your child. Turn off the TV, walk away from the computer, set aside the bills—and talk. When you don’t make it a priority, days and weeks can go by without a genuine connection…and you wake up one morning to realize you don’t know your own child.

• Parent from the heart. If it doesn’t feel good to you, it doesn’t matter if it’s what the “experts” swear by. You are you and your child is your child…your intuition will tell you what’s right for both of you.

• Pushing kids to be something they’re not hurts them and you. They need to live their dreams, not yours.

• Look for ways to honor your child’s gifts. Post the short story she wrote on your Facebook account. Or proudly show guests the Lego fort he built in his room. Tell friends (in her presence), “Meghan taught our dog how to sit, stay and fetch…she has a real gift connecting with animals!” Acknowledging what makes your child unique helps her shape a strong sense of self.

• Be truthful about your child’s shortcomings. Everyone has different strengths. If your child isn’t an academic superstar or a natural athlete, it’s okay. Focus on her strengths rather than trying to hide the truth about what you see as a weakness.

• With everything you do, narrate the “why.” You’re helping your kids understand that you make the choices you make based on a set of beliefs and values that make you, you.

• You’re not Parent of the Year (whatever that means!) and you never will be. Let yourself off the hook. You might not make it to every school event but there is plenty you do right. Focus on those things instead.

• Let the housework go. The struggle to maintain perfect order at all times is the ultimate denial of who we are: beautifully flawed human beings! Spend the time you would have spent mopping playing with your kids instead.

• Seize every opportunity to say, “I love you.” One day it will be your last chance.

About the Authors:

Kathleen McIntire is a transformational teacher, speaker, and healer who is dedicated to bringing forth truth, liberation, and awakening. She is the author and creator of Guiding Signs 101, a set of divination cards and guidebook using everyday road signs to tap into your intuition and own inner guidance.

Kathleen is the producer of two upcoming Mayan films. The first, Mayan Renaissance, is being made by PeaceJam, an international education program for youth built around leading Nobel Peace Laureates. The other film is The Unification of Wisdom and 2012. In the near future she will be a presenter on the Womens Empowerment (WE) Channel on the CANDO Networks. Kathleen’s website addresses are www.soaringinlight.com and www.guidingsigns101.com.

Erin Cote has been involved in creative design for over a decade. Her main focus is on bringing humor and playfulness to professional environments. Through Laughter Therapy she teaches others about the importance of play and laughter. As the founder of ULaugh, Erin conducts laughter presentations and workshops in Northern California for the public, businesses, and hospitals.

Together, Erin and Kathleen bring their talents of wisdom, design, and playfulness into the creation of Guiding Signs 101. Erin can be contacted through her website at: www.UlaughAlot.com or through www.GuidingSigns101.com.

… on the First Date

While you’re being wined, dined, and wooed this Valentine’s Day, don’t forget to quiz your new date on those topics that really matter. Most importantly, says author and financial advisor Leslie Greenman, find out if he has a healthy, balanced approach to money.

As Valentine’s Day approaches, romance is in the air. If you’re planning on going out with a new love interest this heart-filled holiday, remember that his good looks and winning personality aren’t all that matter. The blunt reality is that money is the #1 cause of divorce in the U.S. And when it comes to matters of not just the heart but money as well, there’s no better time than a first date to find out if your new guy cuts the proverbial mustard! After all, notes Leslie Greenman, you don’t want to become emotionally involved with someone who doesn’t have the same approach to money as you do.

“Dating is all about learning, and one of the most important things you need to know is if your date is good with his money,” says Greenman, a financial advisor and author of the new book Dating Our Money: A Women’s Guide to Confidence with Money & Men “While the first flush of romance can be a head-spinning experience, make sure you do your homework prior to giving your heart away. Forget about anyone who won’t meet you halfway with a healthy approach to money. Make sure he is getting on the right track if he hasn’t been before, and keep an eye out for telltale signs of slip-ups.”

So how do you find out whether your guy is money conscious, and better yet, how do you do so gracefully so early in the relationship? Below Greenman offers great tips on how to zoom in on your new date’s views on money management so that you can find the love of your life and keep your financial health:

Bring cash. Have cash with you on the date so when it is time to pay you can offer to cover your half with cash. While you’re offering to pay, mention to him that you don’t like to use credit cards and wait to see how he responds. You might be surprised at how he reacts.

“A date once told me that he wished his ex-wife had had the same philosophy with credit cards,” says Greenman.  “He told me she racked up $70,000 in credit card debt – money he was left paying back. That was a huge surprise! But it opened the door for me to find out more from him about his financial health without having to ask point blank.”

Check out his wheels. Is your date driving a flashy sports car, but you know he’s in the first job of his career? Is he driving a more modest set of wheels but you know he’s in a leadership position at work? The type of car he drives when taken into consideration with his career can be an indicator of how he spends and budgets his money. It might also indicate that he turns to material objects for fulfillment.

“We all hope at some point for a fairy tale complete with Prince Charming whisking us away in his carriage,” says Greenman. “Remember, though, you’re not marrying the guy’s sports car, and you certainly don’t want to wind up in a situation where you’re paying for it if he can’t.”

Ask about his relationship with his family. Often, he’ll give you the information you want without you having to pry. For example, he might reveal that his divorce from his wife resulted because of money issues. Or he might reveal that he was raised in a middle class family with frugal parents.

“While he might not necessarily still follow the money values and habits his parents raised him with, finding out about his parents is a great way to learn what his initial lessons about money entailed,” notes Greenman. “And naturally, awkward though it may be, finding out if he’s carrying around any financial baggage from a past relationship is a must. Remember, though, that if he is that doesn’t mean you have to give him the boot. It’s all about finding out if he approaches those financial bumps in the road in a fiscally responsible way.”

Find out if he is reluctant to discuss difficult subjects. The best approach might be to ask him about his past relationships. Did they end well? Does he still talk with any of his exes? If he is very reluctant to talk about his relationships, it could be a red flag that he won’t be able to communicate about difficult decisions if you’re in a relationship.

“Communicating, listening, and sharing are integral parts of a successful partnership,” advises Greenman. “Make sure this guy knows how to not only share his thoughts but also to listen to yours. Life is full of decisions and ups and downs; how has he handled his own past issues?”

Check out his phone. On average, people spend $150 on phone apps per year, but some people have bills as high as $900 per year. Is that a luxury you feel comfortable with? “Check out your date’s phone,” recommends Greenman. “Is it the latest, greatest smartphone model? Ask him what his favorite app is and whether he gets only free ones. If it appears he spends a lot of money each month on something as trivial as phone apps, consider how he might spend money in other areas. On the other hand, if he has an app that helps him manage his monthly budget, that’s probably a good sign!”

Go online. With all of the information available online, you can find out a lot about someone with a quick search. For example, you can check if a person has paid their property taxes by searching online public records.

“It may seem like playing a game of I Spy, but if you are going to give your heart to someone, and commit to a lifelong partnership, at the very least you need to be able to trust them,” says Greenman. “Before you even go on that first date, you might want to do some research. If you find a record online of his eight counts of tax evasion, go ahead and cancel your evening out!”

Look at his Facebook page. Has he posted a lot about expensive clothes or gadgets that he’s bought? Or about being low on money? Are the pictures he has posted of him with other people or with his stuff?

“Facebook is a great way to find out about your date’s life without ever having to ask an awkward question about money,” notes Greenman. “You want to be romantically involved with someone who not only has the time, but makes the time, to be with you and share your life. If this guy can only post pictures of himself on his Facebook page, or if he is constantly bragging about all the latest stuff he’s bought, picture a big red flag. It could be an indicator that either A) he’s overspending on unimportant items or B) he thinks he can use money to impress people or buy their love.”

Think about your deal breakers. “If your date has only one or two of these faults, you might still want to give him a chance and that’s okay,” notes Greenman. “Be clear about your own goals and expectations and stick to those when you’re deciding on whether you should go on a second date.”

“Real love is about forming a partnership between two people who care enough about one another to make responsible decisions in all aspects of life, including finances,” says Greenman. “Forget about getting swept away until you make sure you won’t get tossed overboard or financially sunk in the process! When you’re confident that you’ve found someone who is as financially aware as you are, you can develop other aspects of the relationship with less anxiety.”

About the Author: When Leslie Greenman’s husband unexpectedly passed on at age 35, she suddenly became a single mother of two boys (ages two and four). Leslie learned how quickly life could change. She went into the financial industry to empower women with the knowledge and confidence to take action and be prepared. Through her tough experiences of becoming suddenly single, she realized how easily women could be misinformed and taken advantage of. Dating Our Money offers women the important information they need to confidently make smart choices with money and men.

Leslie is currently a financial advisor, author, and public speaker. She loves to talk to women and girls about managing money and making wise choices but can adapt a speech to meet the needs of any audience. She encourages people to remember that every decision counts! Buying soda at a restaurant could prevent you from saving thousands of dollars over a lifetime.

Through her book, Dating Our Money, Leslie’s goal is to make financial planning fun and relatable for all women.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Instead of waking up every morning and weighing yourself, forget the scale. Walk to the mirror, avoid the daily mine for imperfections, look into your eyes, and recite your praises: “I am beautiful, inside and out. I am strong, capable and intelligent.” Lift yourself up every day, and eventually, you won’t care how many dimples cling to your thighs.

Captain, My Captain: Enroll in a Women’s Studies Course. Discourse on topics that affect women is ongoing, so be apprised of academic studies that demonstrate how history, society, and laws affect the rights of women. Being informed provides you with effective tools necessary to combat misogyny and stereotypes. Why not start now? Ms. Magazine provides its own  Guide to Women’s Studies site.

Follow the Leader: Appropriate the regimen of successful women like Venus Williams or Danica Patrick. Take notes on what motivates them to succeed in male-dominated fields. Aside from passion, they pushed hard and came through as champions. Find your leader, learn her secrets, and apply them to your own personal and professional endeavors.

Do You Jiu-Jitsu?: Forget cardio-kickboxing and Zumba classes. For competence, confidence and strength, take self-defense classes that will physically empower you. For starters, Jiu-Jitsu trains you to fight on the ground, and Krav Maga concentrates on instinctive movements that focus on winning the battle with any attacker, no matter his size.

Bring It: Playing sports contributes to physical and mental well-being, teaches competition, enhances leadership skills, and generates positive energy that makes us feel happy and fulfilled. Challenge, compete, and train your brain and body by participating in volleyball, baseball, and lacrosse teams at your local YMCA. Or enter and run in a marathon. Whatever you do, play to win.

Don’t Believe the Hype: Resist gender stereotypes by taking on chores like mowing, edging and leaf-blowing, cleaning the gutters, fixing broken appliances and other tasks usually left to men. Enroll in a car mechanics course offered by your local College and learn how to change the oil and tires in your own vehicle. Car maintenance is a skill that everyone should possess.

Blog Power: Start a blog called “365 Days of Empowerment,” in which you post daily on acts of strength, power, your 2012 resolutions, and your abilities as an empowered woman. Measure your successes and pitfalls with acquiring new skills, resisting stereotypes, and redefining your power. Chronicle your passage towards a stronger, more confident, powerful you.

Marina DelVecchio is a writer and College Instructor on writing, research, and literary analysis. She is a contributing writer/book reviewer of feminist texts for Her Circle Ezine, and her work has been published at WE Magazine for Women, More.com, The New Agenda, the WM Parenting Connection, and the Huffington Post. Her article on violence against women will be published in Viewpoints, a college anthology in February 2012.

WE Magazine is delighted to announce our newest AWARD – The Top 100 Who’s Who Among Women in Ecommerce™ for 2012!

Imagine being in a room full of 100 of the top women doing business on the web! And being able to chat with them and find out what makes them tick (or click), why they do what they do, and do it so well, they are considered role models in their industry. Well, maybe you will never get the chance to meet each one of these face to face, but you can connect with them in a way that only a few short years ago we could not. Via the vastness, unending universe known as the internet. In fact you can have access to any of these women with the simple click of a mouse!

You can reach out to Charly Leetham in Australia, Linda Pereira in Portugal, Daisy Wright in Canada, Debbie O’Connor in the UK, Gisele Rufer in Switzerland and several women across the United States.

There are 100 Women in Ecommerce™ who represent their industries and professions as artists, astrologers, authors, internet marketers, photographers, coaches, consultants, manufacturers, clothing designers, inventors, event planners, personal trainers and everything in between.

Some of the women have been in business for more than 20 years and others as few as two years. And what does each of these women have in common? They all promote their products and services on the Internet. Successfully.

According to Susan Ward of About.com, “Ecommerce (or e-commerce) is the art and science of selling products and/or services over the Internet.”

And art and science it is! You have to be a creative person to get people to pay attention to you online and you have to balance that with the science of self-promotion or hire experts to do it for you.

In all, we have gathered 100 women who WE believe truly represent doing business on the WEB.

They are (drum roll please): 

Nan Akasha, Betty Audish, Walethia Aquil, Wendy Y. Bailey, Ruthi Backenroth, Leesa Barnes, Melanie Benson Strick, Cathy Berger, Stacy Blackman, Toby Bloomberg, Ali Brown , Holly Buchanan, Karla Brandau, Rosana Santos Calambichis, Anita Campbell, Heidi Caswell, Stephanie Chandler, Claudette Chenevert, Shannon Cherry, Lorraine Cohen, Myriam Cohen, Danna Crawford, Louise Crooks, Debra J. “Debbie” Cunningham, Baeth Davis, Faith M. Davis, Nicole Dean, Elena del Valle, Marla Dennis, Jody DeVere, Yvonne DiVita, Sally Falkow, Andrea Feinberg, Dale Filhaber, Kelli Fox, Stacy Francis, Rosalind Gardner, Sabrina Gibson, Eva Gregory, Christine Guld, Donna Gunter, Penny Haynes, Sandee Hemphill, Jessica Herrin, Rebecca Herwick, Angie Hicks, Linda Hollander, Kyra Howell, Mary Clare Hunt, Kristina Jaramillo, Marilyn Jenett, Nancy Juetten, Lorrie Kazan, Simone Kelly, Jessica Kizorek, Donna Kozik, Lisa Ann Krutzik, Charly Leetham, Diane MacEachern, Beverly Mahone, Nancy Marmolejo, Allison Maslan, Alexis Maybank, Shari McConahay, Sheri McConnel, Fay McLean, Stephanie Mulac, Marie, Myers, Andrea R. Nierenberg, Cindy O’Connor, Debbie O’Connor, Kelly O’Neil, Maritza Parra, Michele Pariza Wacek, Linda Pereira, Lisa Marie Platske, Ana Poirier, Rev. Anne Presuel, Morgana Rae, Giselle Rufer, Kerri Salls, Kate Sanner, Lisa Sasevich, Katrina Sawa, Michele Scism, Lynn Scheurell, Beth Schneider, Colleen Slater, Felicia Slattery, Faith Smith, Susan Wilson Solovic, Sheryl Stanton, Kendall SummerHawk, Karen Talavera, Ivana Taylor, Lynn Terry, Tracy Terry, Denise Wakeman, Maureen Whitehouse, Carrie Wilkersom, Alexandra Wilkis, and Daisy Wright!

You can read their stories in the latest edition of WE Magazine for Women (along with some great articles on doing business on the WEB). Here is the link to the Turning page (FLIP) version: http://wemagazineforwomen.com/pdfs/WhosWhoRelease2012.pdf

For the PDF version click on the cover or visit: http://bit.ly/whoswho2012

Please join me in congratulating the 2012 Who’s Who Among Women in Ecommerce™. Click on their links, visit their sites and offer your own personal congratulations! Special thanks to all our advertisers, those returning and those who have joined us for the first time. Because of their support, WE have been able able to provide you with great content and the amazing women WE continue to showcase on our site and in our magazine (since 2006).

Warmest regards,

Heidi Richards Mooney, Publisher & Editor-in-Chief

ps. There are so many amazing women who do business online that this was one of the most challenging lists WE magazine has EVER had to create.  If you know someone who should be included in a future Who’s Who list, be sure and leave a comment below so we can add her to our potential candidates! And of course, self-nominations are welcome too!

Like many skills, the ability to meaningfully and productively communicate takes practice. Maribeth Kuzmeski tells parents how they can organically teach their kids to connect with others—so that when they do become teens they can do more than shrug, grunt, and send another text.

Teens and technology. These days they’re as inseparable as toddlers and their teddy bears. When your teens (and, increasingly, tweens) aren’t updating their Facebook pages they’re probably texting friends or blaring music through mp3 players. And here’s the irony: Today’s young people are more “connected” than any other generation in history, but they have a general inability to, well, connect. In fact, says Maribeth Kuzmeski, many can barely carry on the most basic conversations and have trouble articulating what they want or need.

“I’m not saying the digital world is the reason why young people struggle to function in the real one,” says Kuzmeski, author of the new book The Engaging Child: Raising Children to Speak, Write, and Have Relationship Skills Beyond Technology (Red Zone Publishing, 2012, ISBN: 978-0-9717780-3-0, $18.95). “At least it’s not the only one. It’s more like a crutch. Because technology is so pervasive, teens use it as a substitute for real conversations. And so they don’t hone those critical skills.

“The ability to engage and collaborate with others in a meaningful way is critical in a global society,” she adds. “So when young people don’t learn how, they really do hurt their chances for a successful life.”

Learning to engage and connect, of course, begins long before the teen years. Kids learn by doing. And just as we must push kids to clean their rooms and do their homework, it’s up to us as parents to force them to interact with others in persuasive, polite, and engaging ways.

Technology is only part of the problem, Kuzmeski points out. The other part is that we tend to do things for our kids that we need to be teaching them to do for themselves. We set up their dental appointments, for example. We place their orders in restaurants. We talk to their teachers. We call in sick for them when they need to miss a day of school. We do these things because we’ve always done them—and in the process we squander what could be rich learning opportunities.

“The truth is, parents just don’t think about turning these tasks over to their kids,” says Kuzmeski. “It’s never occurred to them. But when they step back and let kids manage these kinds of everyday situations—and provide plenty of coaching along the way—they’re surprised by how quickly they begin to blossom.”

Giving parents the tools they’ll need to help their children develop a strong ability to connect with others is the focus of Kuzmeski’s latest book. As a bonus, the author’s seventeen-year-old daughter, Lizzie, wrote the last two chapters. They are meant to be read by Lizzie’s fellow teens and tweens in order to provide a peer’s perspective on the elements of building and maintaining real relationships in a wired and fast-paced world.

Read on to learn about six strategies that you can incorporate into your family’s life, as well as the skills they’ll help your kids develop naturally and organically:

Have them place a restaurant order. If you’re like many parents you’re eager to hurry things along in restaurants so you get in the habit of ordering for the whole family. The next time you’re dining out, though, use it as an opportunity for your child to interact with the server in a way that gets results. Instruct him to order his own meal, complete with requests to hold the pickles or bring extra ketchup or ranch for the fries. You can also prompt your child to thank the waitress when his meal is delivered and encourage him to engage with her in positive ways when she checks in throughout the meal.

“This is a good chance for your child to see firsthand which words and even which tone get results,” Kuzmeski explains. “During this type of interaction, kids learn to manage and impart several specific, personalized details. Be sure to explain to them how much more smoothly all transactions go when you, the customer, are clear and accurate. You can also point out that you get better treatment—more attentive service and maybe even free dessert—when you are polite and respectful as opposed to demanding or rude.”

Help them return an item to a store, especially at a busy time. At some point, your child is going to receive a birthday gift she already owns, a sweater from Aunt Grace that might have fit her two years ago, or a toy that’s damaged or missing a part. When you make the trip to the customer service desk, be sure to bring your daughter along. Ask her to explain why she is returning the item and to specify whether she’d like an exchange, cash, or store credit. And (as always) remind her to use “please” and “thank you.”

“Dealing with long lines, hassled employees, and confusing return policies can be a challenge even for adults!” Kuzmeski admits. “Having your child take the lead might take a bit more time, but it’ll be an invaluable lesson to her in negotiating using what she knows (the store’s return policy) for the outcome she wants (like a sweater that fits). Especially if the customer service rep is frazzled or if your child is in the wrong (for example, she lost the receipt), she’ll be able to see firsthand that politeness and understanding can—sometimes—smooth things over. Also, seeing positive results will teach her that it’s worth the effort to correct a problem rather than just ‘letting it go’ and absorbing the financial loss.”

Ask them to set up an appointment. Whenever he needs to visit the doctor, dentist, or hairstylist (or even when your dog needs to go to the vet!), ask him to call and book the appointment. Instruct him to be as detailed as possible when requesting a visit time, and help him to look at the calendar before confirming to make sure there’s not a conflict.

“Making his own appointments will help your child fine-tune his phone etiquette and ability to pay attention to details,” Kuzmeski points out. “He’ll also learn to make decisions and navigate his own schedule while working with someone else’s. As he gets older, you can begin to let him request specific services, relay insurance information, and more. Lastly, if you need to cancel an appointment for any reason, allow your child to make the call and reschedule. The lessons he learns about time management and dealing with uncomfortable conversations will be invaluable well into adulthood.”

Help them to decline invitations. Between friends’ birthday parties, cousins’ graduation celebrations, classmates’ bar mitzvahs, and more, your child is going to be invited to events that she is unable to attend. Once she has looked at the calendar and seen that she’s already busy (or in a more extreme instance, you’ve looked at plane tickets and decided they’re too expensive), go over polite refusals with her so that she knows what to say. Then ask her to call the event’s host and explain why she can’t attend.

“Even in adulthood, it can be difficult to say no, even when it’s in our best interests,” says Kuzmeski. “It’s uncomfortable to disappoint people. That’s why we so often ‘cop out’ and send an email or just don’t show up. We may even make up a reason we can’t go to spare people’s feelings. It’s smart to teach your kids early how to say no, and to do it without softening the blow with a lie. By learning to politely decline requests when they’re young, your kids will be more fully in control of their lives. Plus, by seeing the world didn’t come to an end when they said no, they’ll learn to tell the truth.”

Equip them to converse with a stranger. Most youngsters are very comfortable “LOLing,” “BRBing,” and “TTYLing.” But when it’s time to have a good old-fashioned verbal conversation, especially with someone they don’t know well, many kids tend to clam up. Whether your child is a chatterbox at home or not, opening up to strangers (in your presence, of course!) can be quite intimidating. The next time your family is in a larger-scale social setting (like a holiday party, family reunion, or worship service), give him a few ideas of how he can strike up a discussion with people he doesn’t see every day.

“Even before the days of smartphones and Facebook, it was completely normal for youngsters to feel reluctant to approach older adults,” Kuzmeski points out. “You’ll be doing your kids a big favor if you arm them with icebreakers that they can use to proactively connect. Before social events, discuss what some good topics of discussion might be and help them to make a list of strategies for drumming up conversation. They’ll also be able to power through any awkward lulls in conversation that might otherwise discourage them from taking the connecting initiative in the future. And they might also find a new friend or mentor!”

Maribeth Kuzmeski, MBA, CSP, is the author of six books including …And the Clients Went Wild! and The Connectors (Wiley), and is a frequent national media contributor and international speaker. Maribeth and her firm, Red Zone Marketing, Inc., consult and train businesses from financial services firms to Fortune 500 corporations on strategic marketing planning and business growth. She has personally consulted with some of the world’s most successful CEOs, entrepreneurs, and professionals. Maribeth lives in the Chicago, IL, area with her husband and two teenagers.

Lizzie Kuzmeski is a teenager and a natural connector. She enjoys theatre, horseback riding, and, yes, Facebook. 

Just in Time for Valentine’s Day!

The most romantic day of the year is rapidly approaching, and singles everywhere are cringing at the thought of another year of nervous meet-ups, awkward set-ups, and flat-out failed matches. And while the anxiety surrounding dating hasn’t changed much, the rules certainly have. Dating doesn’t have to be nerve-wracking, but it helps if you do a little pre-date preparation work—and that’s where Dating For Dummies®, 3rd Edition can help.

With new and updated content, author Dr. Joy Browne demystifies the whole dating process in Dating For Dummies, including all the information you’ll need for navigating the contemporary, social-media-driven dating scene where women and men Google potential dates beforehand, tweet after, and even meet on Facebook.

With dating advice for singletons in all stages of life (including baby boomers), you’ll get the confidence to date someone who is significantly older or younger, someone who has been previously married, or someone with children. And it helps you to remember the most important rule of dating: It’s meant to be fun!

Other helpful advice includes:

* Cupid Confidence Boosters: Tips for helping you meet, date, and start a relationship with Mr. or Ms. Right

* Will You Be Mine?: Tips for asking for a first date

* Beyond the Ice Breakers: Tips for brushing up on your flirting

* Surfing Safely: Tips for making safe dating connections online

* The Social Network Scene: Tips for using technology wisely when you’re dating

* Be a Dating Daredevil: Tips for dating with more confidence

Whether you’re looking for a be-mine valentine, a fun Saturday night date, or a happily-ever-after mate, Dating For Dummies is the guide for you!

About the Author: Dr. Joy Browne, PhD, is not only a dating guru, but also a licensed clinical psychologist who is the award-winning host of her own nationally and internationally syndicated radio talk show.

Every once in a while I take the liberty to promote one of my own products and services and with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I thought it would be a perfect time to share a book I wrote that never goes out of style.

Romance on a Budget: 199 Cheap Thrills, Romantic Antics and Love-Changing Experiences.  This book is a small hard cover keepsake book the two of you can enjoy reading together. And more importantly find out what each other prefers when it comes to Romantic Antics.

Being Romantic is about… being creative.

It’s about being willing to take a risk. Sometimes it’s being sweet. Sometimes it�s being silly.

Romance is about … the right attitude.

Romance isn’t about how much money you lavish on another. It’s about making dreams and fantasies come true. Romance is about the little things that make a BIG difference in a relationship.

The antics in Romance on a Budget are designed to inspire you, and spark your own creativity.

Some of the antics in Romance on a Budget include:

#18 Spray the perfume or cologne you wear on a light bulb. When the light is turned on the scent of you will fill the room.

#87 Celebrate Love Days every month such as March on over to your love and celebrate Share a Smile Day (Mar. 1st), Call her up on Telephone Day (Mar. 10th), Lips Appreciation Day (Mar. 16th), Flower Day (Mar. 21st ), and Make up your own Holiday Day (Mar. 26th).

#5 – Recipes for making Whippy Do – that can lead to Whoopie!

#138, 139 and 140 – Recipes for Love Potion #9 and so much more…

Romance on a Budget is filled with 199 cheap thrills, romantic antics and love-changing experiences to add ignite your souls, without spending a fortune. Whether you’re a man or a woman, you’ll find many ideas to Raise the Romance Meter in Romance on a Budget.  Want to lead a happier, more love-filled life? Want to bring more passion into your relationship?

Order Your Copy of Romance on a Budget and save $7 Today!

Special Price for WE Magazine Readers only $8.95 each (regular $15.95)

Click her for your copy of Romance on a Budget $8.95 plus standard shipping ($2.95) Total $11.90

To order your copy for expedited shipping 2-3 day click here ($8.95 plus $6.95 shipping) Total $15.90

*U.S. shipments only